


It's a (Parent) Trap

by inexorablydrawn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Bloodline - Claudia Gray
Genre: Angst and Fluff, F/M, Flashbacks, In Universe AU, Kid Fic, More Space Twins, Parent Trap AU, Redeemed Ben, Romantic Comedy with a lot of angst, Seperation, Some intimate moments, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 15:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 82,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inexorablydrawn/pseuds/inexorablydrawn
Summary: 'A Parent Trap' In-Universe AU“…There are ways to break force connections, Rey.” His speech was weak, and his throat was tight from the suggestion. “We can’t use that as an excuse to be selfish.”“How is wanting to take care of your family by being with them selfish?” She darted out in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. She placed her hands on his shirt and sank into him. “What they are suggesting is insane.”“As much as I would like to agree with you, and as much as I hate them for it… they aren’t wrong.” he brushed his lips against her hairline and lingered there, he felt his legs begin to shake and suddenly his knees gave out from underneath him, falling forward against her, and she was barely able to hold him up. “I don’t want to go,” he broke.“Then don’t”“I think… I think I have to.”--This is an edited reupload of a fic in progress to fit TLJ canon





	1. Prolog

The scuffed metal of the Millennium Falcon screeched with violent enthusiasm as it attempted to come to a halt amongst the rocky terrain. It nearly flipped as they collided with the red stone cliffs, throwing both equipment and passenger alike towards to console. One passenger, a man who sat in the pilot's seat, attempted to regain some steadiness by grabbing hold to the seat next to him.He slammed down on a planned sequence of switches and buttons as they nearly flipped once more and another harsh collision sent him flying as the arm from his co-pilot went to grab hold of him. They both grunted as the ship jumped and crashed once more, and they finally slowed on a slight incline against a rock pillar.

 

The two still had a hold on each one another, breathing heavily and staring out at the endless and appearing to be lifeless landscape. The co-pilot wiped her head with her free hand and watched as it returned covered in blood, a fresh wound caused from the less than graceful landing.But before either of them could find solace in the temporary silence, shrill cries began echoing throughout the halls into the cockpit, and without another word, she ran from the room. The man collapsed into his chair, eyes dazed on the floor.

 

A holo-pad that had fallen during their landing pinged from under the chair. after grabbing it and placing it back on the console, a familiar face appeared.

 

“Rey, did you make it out?” the panicked voice called through, the holo flickering as it came into focus. Finn. 

 

“It’s not Rey, and we’re all fine. Well, alive,” he corrected.

 

“Thank goodness, well, the 'you being fine' part,” the man said with a sigh of relief, “send us your coordinates, Solo. Poe, Rose, and I will come to you.”

 

“I can’t do that,”Ben snapped, as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “I can’t risk that transmission being intercepted. They will be waiting for it.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Rose has the best scrambling technology in the galaxy,” Finn bit back, “are you going to live there? Make your home on whatever outer rim planet you’ve landed on?”

 

“Finn.” He took a moment. “What happened to the settlement?”

 

“Is Rey in the room?” Finn said after he took an uneasy pause. Ben shook his head and closed the cockpit doors anyways.After the room was confirmed secure Finn continued, “we… we didn’t make it in time to make much of a difference, everyone fought well and they delayed them as much as they could but… it’s gone.”

 

There was a stillness between them as they both allowed themselves to mourn, only to be broken by the harsh sound of a boot against the bottom metal control board. Finn jumped from the noise through the holo, and Ben collapsed into his hands. He violently cursed under his breath and glared back into the projection, “I can’t keep doing this to them.”

 

“It’s not your fault this happened again,”Finn said, but it was clear his truth was elsewhere. 

 

Again. The word that reminded him of how many hundreds of lives have been lost on his behalf, but this time not by his own hand or his armies, but for his own protection. Innocent lives of countless species and races who stood to fight for him and his family.

 

“Please, when you tell her…I just… be careful,” Finn sputtered through the devastation.

 

There was a knock on the cockpit door. Finn waved a silent goodbye and the image turned off with a flash and Ben flicked a switch that allowed the door to reopen.

 

Rey returned to her seat in the cockpit soothing a small child in her arms, the infants wails now calmed into soft whimpers. The two were covered in ash from their escape through the oncoming fires set to draw them out and Rey tried to wipe the child’s face with the wrap she wore, but that was just as filthy and only made the problem worse. Soon, her tears overwhelmed her as she eyed her soot ridden clothing and the blood that was soaked through.

 

“She… she still won’t let me near her,” she spoke, voice soft, looking up from the baby in her lap back towards the rest of this ship.

 

Ben tried to give her a reassuring smile as he stood and stopped in front of her. He stroked the child's head before setting off down the Falcon’s corridors. He followed the sound of a second set of terrified cries until he reached an open doorway where two cradles had been installed into the floorboards inside. He perched down next to the one, with another child still inside, and she immediately calmed looking at him.

 

“You need to stop giving your mother such a hard time,” he sighed, but in a way he’d never admit, he enjoyed this, he liked being her favorite. The young girl reached up towards him implying in the best way she could that she wished to be held and he quickly complied. She nuzzled into him the second he brought her to his chest and he turned to find that Rey had followed him, standing in the doorway with their second daughter still in her arms. Her eyes still red and wet.

 

“Finn called?” she said with a whimper, for she knew the information to follow, “I saw it on the holo-pad records, what did he say?”

 

Ben walked to her and leaned forward just enough to press his lips to her forehead. He straightened and brought a soft palm to his wife’s face and she leaned into it slightly as her jaw quivered.

 

“Let’s not talk about it,” he whispered, “not tonight.”

 

“I know what that means,” her voice was shaken but sharp as she removed her cheek from his hand and walked past him towards the cradles, setting down the now sleeping child. With a mewl of ache, she sat on the floor next to the bed, learning an arm over the side to be able to graze her fingers up and down her daughter’s arm.

 

Ben joined her on the floor and pressed his face into her shoulder as Rey shifted to look at the child he still held as she squirmed to be closer to him.

 

“She hates me.” Her eyes darted away. “Even now she doesn’t want me near her.”  


“That’s not true,” he muttered, still pressed into the crook of her neck.

 

“She even fights me every time I try to feed her, she would rather die of starvation than have to depend on me for nourishment.”

 

“Well, they are nearly old enough, you can stop nursing,” He turned to place the child in the unoccupied crib now that she had settled as well.

 

“That’s not the point, Ben.” When he turned to face her again she dove into his chest and grasped at his filthy shirt, “I can’t keep running. We can’t keep doing this.”

 

“We’ll figure it out.” he crooned, taking her hair out of her ruined buns so he could begin to run his fingers through it.

 

“It’s been almost two years. Two years and we can’t even tell people we’ve gotten married!” He pulled her into his lap and they folded themselves around each other as tightly as they could. “We can’t let people blindly fight for us anymore, they don’t know who we are, anywhere we run we bring lies and then destruction. Lives are lost on our account, and they don’t even know who they are fighting for.”

 

“I know,” he murmured, trying to still his shaking wife, but his attempts only caused his own eyes to begin to burn with tears, “I know more than anyone, and I can promise that I feel twice the guilt that you do, but the church, the acolytes, they believe in the will of the force, and you are an awakening and our children are a new beginning, and despite everything that I was…” he paused as Rey’s eyes met his. She didn’t allow him to degrade his current being because of his past, but the truth was that he would whether they spoke of it or not. “These people fought for what they believed was right.”  


“We are not Gods worth dying for, we are no more worthy than them.”

 

“But if we are to move on one day, we must respect that they believed that, and died believing that. They died for a cause they truly believe in.”

 

“I’m... so tired.” She rested her forehead against his neck and closed her eyes, the two of them covered in dirt and grime. He brought his hands down from her hair to her back and held her close. Her breathing steadied and instantaneously his as well.

 

After Ben had assured both children were still soundly sleeping he scooped his wife back into his arms and lifted her off the ground. Her eyes still closed, muttering something under her breathe in protest.

 

“Come on,” he whispered, “you need rest.”

 

She shook her head in denial as he headed out the room and down the hall into another. He set her down on the bunk that resided there and kneeled by the edge while the woman nested herself within the covers. “I should have probably used the fresher first,” she said, noticing the filth marks left on the sheets from her skin and clothing.

 

“Tomorrow,” Ben smiled, leaning forward to stand back up.

 

“Where are you going?” She sat up slightly.

 

“I’ll be right back,” he promised, walking back toward the door. He locked eyes with her one last time before the door hissed closed behind him and he quickened his pace back towards the cockpit. The holo-pad pinged again, and Ben activated the image.

 

“Ben?” Finn reappeared before him, “look, we’ve got an issue, you need to give me your coordinates.”

 

“My decision on the matter hasn’t changed,” he replied monotonously.

 

“When we made it to the churches settlement after you left we found an injured invader that was left behind, he was… well… more than compliant to give us information in exchange for his life.”

 

“… and?” Ben leaned in. Very little was known about the targeted attacks against his family, but certain assumptions had been made as time went on.

 

“Some of our conclusions were proven to be correct.” From his expression, Ben could tell he didn’t want to say what followed. “Whoever is leading these attacks, they use the force to track you.”

 

“So, there is a force user among their ranks?” Ben concluded, “we assumed this, what is the issue?”  


 

“From what we gathered, whatever bond you and Rey share, they can trace you through it. While we had assumed this before… there is… more.” He paused. “The barriers you two can put up are often effective from a distance, but there is another source”

 

Ben closed his eyes, “the girls.”

 

“Though I don’t quite understand, it’s weak, it’s unguarded, undoubtedly they share an amplified bond as well, or will over time.”  


“So, what are you suggesting, Finn?” he sharpened.

 

“I’m suggesting that under the circumstances, these warriors may soon be aware of your current location, no matter how remote it may be.”

 

“That isn’t a suggestion.” Ben felt his anger grow as he felt the weight of this impending advice.

“Ben?” A new voice through the holo was heard, an image soon to follow, the image of his mother, “Ben, you know what we are asking you.”  


“No, I truly don’t.”

 

“We think it’s best if, just for the time being, Rey and the children came with us.” His fists clenched as his mother spoke. “We would keep them safe and guarded on our bases, perhaps with the separation your force signature we could be better guarded, not as strong.”

 

“So you are suggesting I leave? Become another legendary Skywalker parent?”

 

“Ben,” Leia sighed, “It’s not forever.”

 

“I’m not leaving them.”

 

“Do you want to keep putting your family through this?” His mother hissed, but taken aback by her own harshness her tone softened, “I know this is difficult, but you need to think of them first.”

 

“I am.” He punched each word. “Do you think that just because Rey and I are separated that the bond will disappear? At times it is stronger when we are distant. I can feel every movement, every heartbeat from anywhere in the galaxy and you think that if I take an extended vacation that is going to fix everything? Make that go away?” Finn and Leia exchanged glances as Ben continued, “you said it yourself that the girls are traceable, they can’t even feed themselves, let alone protect themselves. Their bond will only grow while they are together, and you cannot expect me to leave them knowing that each passing day will put them more in danger.”

 

“They will be able to train, be able to learn how to shield themselves when they are old enough.”

 

“When they are old enough?” he pauses, “How long do you expect me to be gone? Until they are old enough to start training in the force? That will be years!”

 

“Ben.”

 

“I know you and my father jumped at every opportunity to leave but I will not do that to my family!”

 

“Ben!” Leia started again, but she really didn’t know what else to say.

 

“Even if I’m gone, my bond with my wife will be traceable. It won’t matter where we are. I will know where she is, and vice versa. If one of us is found, we both are.”

 

“I think you need to talk to her about this,” Finn chimed in, Leia nodded in agreement. The room was then met with silence, just the flickering buzz from the holo-pad.

 

“I… didn’t want it to be this way.” Ben avoided their gaze, nearly choking on his words.

 

“None of us did,” Finn assured, but Ben felt inclined not to believe him.

 

“I’ll send you the coordinates when we’ve made our decision.” he slammed his fist down against the holo-pad without any further pleasantry, turning off the transmission. He stood to leave the room but was greeted by the sight of his soot-covered wife, illuminated only in the equipment lights.

 

“Rey, why didn’t you stay in bed.”

 

“You aren’t going to leave are you?” she sounded so meek and small at that moment, almost like a child herself.

 

“… I don’t know.”

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Her frustration grew.

 

“You heard them.” He walked passed her and she turned to follow.

 

“But you said it yourself, nothing would change if you left. Our bond would still be traceable.”

 

“…There are ways to break force connections, Rey.” His speech was weak, and his throat was tight from the suggestion. “We can’t use that as an excuse to be selfish.”

 

“How is wanting to take care of your family by being with them selfish?” She darted out in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. She placed her hands on his shirt and sank into him. “What they are suggesting is insane.”

 

“As much as I would like to agree with you, and as much as I hate them for it… they aren’t wrong.” he brushed his lips against her hairline and lingered there, he felt his legs begin to shake and suddenly his knees gave out from underneath him, falling forward against her, and she was barely able to hold him up. “I don’t want to go,” he broke.

 

“Then don’t”

 

“I think… I think I have to.” They had stopped in front of their children’s room. He turned his head to look inside at the peace that remained there. He managed to smile at the image of them and tried to embed it into his mind.

 

She took his hand to help him stabilize and started to guide him back towards their bedroom. Though the beds were certainly not built to fit more than one, especially one as tall as Ben, they had made it work as they toppled alongside each other. He pulled her back against him, his chin over the top of her head. He did this partly because he longed for the intimacy and party because he didn’t want her to see him cry more than she had too. The lights were off and the only sense was sound of unsteady breath.

 

“Don’t leave” she whispered again, adjusting and turning her body so she was now level with his face. “We can figure this out, I promise.” She pressed her lips to his and he greeted them with a fierce enthusiasm. Both knowing that those words were just… words.  But they parted and Rey tucked herself neatly into the crook of his arm as silence swallowed them both. 

 

“I don't want to sleep,” Rey whispered, followed by a yawn.  “If we sleep that means it will be tomorrow, and…” Her eyes drifted to his resting face. “I don’t like what tomorrow means.” She snuggled against him as her exhaustion forced her consciousness to float away. She felt a warm tear on her face, but it did not belong to her.

 

-

 

Sleep was sound for a short while before Ben awoke, hearing a fuss from the room over. He unwrapped himself from Rey as carefully as he could as not to wake her and shuffled clumsily this find his discarded clothes.

 

When it came to their daughters, Kira was easier and had always slept soundly during peaceful nights when they weren’t on the run. She was a deep sleeper, like her mother, and most nights would manage to sleep through her sister's wails. Kylin, on the other hand, was often plagued by her dreams, haunted by the images of things unfamiliar and scary to a young mind. Perhaps that is why she found comfort in her father, somehow knowing that he had experienced this too. Ben had found a way to calm her mind by entering it, making sure no monsters were to be found. He had never felt a separate presence haunting his children, but he would be sure to die a thousand deaths before he let the same thing that happened to him happen to them.

 

He scooped up the whining child and placed a hand on her cheek. Nightmares of the day that passed had sickened her young head. Scorching fire and cries for help. The memories of those who had fallen, screaming with their final breaths. Ben recoiled as the imagery struck him as well, but he began to calm her, sending soothing waves of light through her mind. She settled again in his arms as he walked from the room with her, pausing to smile back at Kira who, even in her sleep, smiled herself.

 

Rey was sitting up in bed when he returned, the room still dark. Ben joined her side as they both gazed at the child before them.

 

“She needs you,” Rey choked.“She will be miserable without you.”

 

Neither of them spoke, though so many words needed to be said. The child blinked, trying to make out shapes in the darkness.

 

“Where… where would you go?” Rey broke their silence, accepting that a decision had to be made for not only them but for their children, “will you be somewhere safe?”  


“I promise,” he responded.

 

Rey paused again, reaching over to her baby who, for once, did not flinch at her mother's touch. Rey’s smile was so wide at this acceptance of affection that it made her lip tremble.

 

“Ben, take her with you.”

 

He turned sharply towards his wife at the suggestion, “What?”

 

“I am so scared, but I can survive.” She looked at him with surprising conviction. “I… I don’t know if she can without you, I can’t protect her like you can.”

 

“Rey…” He felt how torn Rey was even speaking of this proposed resolution.

 

“Your mother and Luke were separated, without them knowing that the other one existed their bond couldn’t form any further, they could be hidden away,” she reasoned further, trying to convince herself she wasn’t horrible for suggesting it. “She fights with something that Kira doesn’t, something you can guide her through better than anyone else.”  


He couldn’t respond.

 

“Please, Ben. She’s old enough to stop nursing. She doesn’t need to depend on me. Please take her somewhere safe, please guard her, protect her, shield her from everything.”

 

They stared at each other, watching the small movements on the others faces as they tried to stay composed. Ben nodded. Not sure if he was agreeing or just acknowledging what had been said. The girl had managed to drift off once again and Ben stood, knowing the conversation that was too follow was probably better had without the presence of a child. He took her back to her cradle and set her there.

 

Now standing between the two beds he looked back and forth between the two children. They were nearly identical in every way, but even at such a young age, they showed differences in their personalities. A difference in their babbling. A difference in their smiles. He leaned over Kira and wondered how she was able to sleep so soundly.

 

He, at last, admitted to himself that he couldn’t stay. In moments like this, where they both looked so peaceful, it was easy to tell himself that everything would be different from now on. That this was the last time they would have to run. It was never true though, nothing had really changed. Somewhere a monster still hunted them and that wouldn’t stop just because, right now, everything before him appeared normal.

 

“Take care of your mother, kid” he smirked, stroking Kira’s cheek, “when… when we come back, I want you both in one piece.” The child cooed and his heart melted. “If you promise me that, I can promise you we will do the same.”

 

He left them again and was about to turn back towards his room when he decided to turn in the other direction towards the cockpit. He sat in the captain's chair once more and stared at the holo-pad with disgust. He flipped on the console and began his transmission.

 

The message was scrambled and sent off to the Resistance. Whoever was hunting them was winning, and they were letting it happen, but they were too vulnerable to fight and they had to surrender now.

 

Rey, who had put on a fresh shirt, had taken her seat in front of the console shortly behind him. She gazed out at the rock terrain before them.

 

“It’s time, isn’t it?” she said.

 

“it’s not going to be easy.”

 

“How does it happen? Disconnecting the connection?”

 

“Well, there are a few ways. Death is the most common option. Certainly the easiest.” Ben tried to soften the mood, but Rey just continued her daze ahead. “Or our feelings could… change.”

 

“Next,” she responded immediately. They both knew that wasn’t something you could just decide.

 

“The last option… is an ability of the dark side, one I can still probably manage,” he sighed, afraid to mention his remaining ties to the dark, “the ability to break someone's connection with the force. Completely”

 

“So that’s what we have to do,” was all she said. Her reaction and conviction surprised them both.

 

“Rey, it’s not a… nice process. It’s horrible.” He let his memory illuminate the process. Her eyes widened at the visuals that passed through her. “It’s not just deactivating your connection, it’s ripping it from your soul. It can’t be undone. It will change you, for Maker knows how long.” He swallowed. “It’s torture, unlike anything Snoke or anyone could have put you through. It’s designed to torture.”

 

“I love you.” she consoled him, as he fumbled over his words.“And we can do this.We’ve made it through everything thus far, we can do this for _them.”_

 

“I wish I could even begin to tell you how much I love you.”

 

They pulled their foreheads together and rested there, basking in their last shared moments while the shared light between them flourished within each other.

 

“This isn’t forever.”

 

“I’m afraid,” Ben shook, “I… I’m afraid of what may change. The bond is what brought us together, what changed us, what happens when… you don’t feel that anymore?”

 

Her jaw dropped just slightly, almost offended that he thought her affection could be so easily broken after all they’ve been through. “Don’t you dare think that way.”

 

Ben took the chance to close the gap between them, lips softly touching and then all-consuming. He backed away then kneeled next to her, eyes stinging.

 

He lifted a hand to her face, and at first, she leaned into it as a comforting gesture before their minds connected and she felt all the air being knocked from her lungs. Rey tried to grasp at her throat, but it was useless, her limbs had become numb yet alive with needles at the same time. She gazed once more at her husband whose stare was filled with an intensity that made him unrecognizable. Slamming her eyes shut, she tried to focus on managing a breath when her head filled with fog.

 

“I’m so sorry,” were the words she could barely hear through the sound of her racing heart. The pulse echoed in her ears and beat at her skull.

 

Rey was able to gain control of her lungs for a brief moment and inhaled sharply, but it was met with a pain unlike any other. Certainly, she was screaming, wasting the precious air she had obtained. But she couldn’t hear her screams, she could only feel it.

 

Her head was then filled with an inhuman wail, mechanical almost. It ripped through her mind as she felt her body jerk in reaction and an outside force slammed down to hold her in place. She couldn’t control anything, she wanted to fight back, but each effort was fought off with a blast of excruciating pain.

 

There was a monster. A monster was doing this to her. There was more ripping and she felt her mind melting. She was taken, kidnapped, she wasn’t supposed to be here. Why couldn’t she remember? Another violent tear ripped through her and the hand on her face clamped down. If only she could open her eyes she could see this creature. The one who had ahold of her. Rey tried to fight back once more but was met with more resistance than ever and she couldn’t even exit her own mind. She had been walled in.

 

Just in time, she was able to manage another breath, but the devastating agony repeated itself. A thousand knives plunged into her chest and the ripping returned, but this time it wasn’t through her mind. The monster outside was in her chest, her heart, her soul and fibers of the force swirled in the backs of her eyes. And she was made to watch. She could only watch as each one fought and cried before they snapped into oblivion.

 

She knew she was screaming at whoever was there to stop, and then with whatever conscious she had left, an image appeared in her mind. A tall man in all black, a tattered cloak and soulless eyes looked down at her. It was him. He appeared human but he was nothing of the sort. The images dissipated as more strands of light cracked and ripped through her soul. There was nothing left to fight, nothing left to feel. She could manage nothing but short sharp inhales but they supplied no satisfaction.

 

The last bit of light fought harder than the rest, but Rey couldn’t fight alongside it. She mourned it as it faded, leaving only darkness. The screeching went out in waves, the pulsing still loud, but she was thankful for it because that pulse was the shred of proof that she was still alive. But in her head it was dark and she could feel nothing. Nothing but the hand that lingered on her face, the one that wiped away her tears as if they had cared about what they had done.

 

She was so weak but part of herself began to regain some movement.She felt it in her limbs, a connection to her muscles, and she needed to run. She shifted slightly and was almost surprised to find she was not restrained by any sort of machinery or metal.

 

She feared what would be waiting when she opened her eyes, but she also feared what was to come if she kept them closed. Testing her muscles carefully she decided she had just enough strength to stand and maybe escape if given the chance. So she braved to look at her monster.

 

He was different than she remembered, instead of layers of black, he just had on an old, filth covered, beige shirt. His eyes weren’t as dark as before, but they were red with misery and glossy as if he felt something.

 

“Get away from me,” she hissed defiantly, spitting into his face. He removed his hand from her face to wipe it away.

 

“Rey…” the man tried reaching for her again and she flung out her leg and kicked him in the gut. He fell backward onto the ship's console and Rey managed to throw herself onto the floor, pulling her body towards the back of the cockpit.

 

She was on a ship. She had been here before. The loading dock was close, the freighter would be easy to escape, they weren’t in flight. The man recovered quickly from her blow and blocked her path. Rey was able to make it to her feet, waiting for him to make his next move, but he didn’t. He just stood there.

 

“You’re sick,” she bit at him, “You’re a monster.” She impulsively lunged at him, her weakened body only enough to make him stumble. She threw her fists, and he did nothing to stop it. Why wasn’t he fighting back?

 

She looked into herself for more strength, guidance by the force, as she threw more punches into his chest. There was still nothing there. She tried once more and felt oblivion within her. Terrified, she jumped back, stumbling across a passenger chair and grasped at her chest.

 

“What did you do!?” she cried, grasping at something that wasn’t there, though it had become painfully obvious what he had done. His eyes welled up in response, and Rey could only think of how his staged sympathy was a pathetic color on him. She attempted to lunge at him once more and in that brief passing his hand softly touched her temple. Her vision blurred, and a black halo closed in on her.

 

She woke up in a cold sweat with new surroundings. She had been placed on a bunk in a room that had been clearly lived in given the number of possessions scattered about. Finding her bearings and making it to her feet she explored the small space, and upon further inspection, she discovered the clothing was her own. This was her room. She knew it.

 

Her pulse quickened as she heard the sound of another nearby. Whimpering cries bounced down the corridor of the ship into her room and Rey dashed towards them, somehow knowing they were calling for her. The wails came from the open room next to hers. The chamber was nearly empty, aside from some storage in the far corners and two cradles in the middle. She carefully walked towards them to find one still contained a child.

 

The child was upset, but not in hysterics. Rey kneeled down next to the baby, shushing her gently while petting the soft fuzz of her dark hair. The girl cooed and the two shared a smile before her eyes wandered over to the second bed. It was empty except for a piece of paper turned on it’s back. She leaned over to grab it and discovers it to be a photo.

 

Her heart shattered.

 

The image is of her, tired and disheveled, but still smiling so wide that her eyes appeared shut. She was lying in a bed of sorts, perhaps some sort of medical facility given the equipment, holding a child in her arms. She glanced over at the child next to her as her heart pounded. They weren’t alone in the picture. _He_ was there. _He_ was smiling too with his face in profile as it pressed against hers. He… he was holding a second child. Her memory came flooding back in flashes and she gazed at the ring currently on her finger.

 

Where she was, why she was there, what had happened, was all becoming clear as she ran back into the first room. She opened every drawer, looked in every corner, but the only things she could find were her own. She screamed his name, in hopes this had all been some horrible nightmare. Her screams must have scarred the child for she joined Rey in her cries. This time much more panicked than before. She ran back to her daughter and swung her up in her arms.

 

She sobbed, unsure which one of them was crying harder. She collapsed with the child in her arms, holding her so close she was almost afraid to crush her. She whispered nothing but words of love and adoration into her baby's ear and the two rocked back and forth on the cold surface.

 

 


	2. 8 Years Later Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update since I'm gone tomorrow!

_Eight Years Later_

 

Kira had lived an absolutely ordinary nine years, and her mother wouldn’t have had it any other way she’s convinced.The two of them had spent nearly every moment of her life on a comically small military base on Lothal, which had become essentially inactive. On occasion outside ships would fly in, sometimes her mother did repairs, sometimes people would write records on the whole exchange, and then the ships would fly away. It was boring.

 

Her Uncle Poe was all but that, though. He was the one person stationed here who actually had stories to tell. Poe had insisted that before she was born her mother had joined him on these adventures, even led some of her own, and had even more stories than he had. He was surely lying because her mother would always walk away when she asked about it.

 

Her mother did smile a lot, but even at her young age, Kira knew it often meant she felt saddened by something and didn’t want her daughter to know. The whole base was fooled by this facade, but Kira knew it wasn’t real. Her mother could talk to Uncle Poe with a huge grin, or get a holo from her Uncle Finn and laugh for hours, but somewhere in her heart, Kira knew her mother was sad.

 

Kira had only asked about her father once, and up until that point she was pretty sure she didn’t even have one, but all the other kids on base had two parents: two moms, two dads, one of each, or if they didn’t have two they at least knew who the second was. The first person she asked was Poe because he had a soft spot for her and wouldn’t just walk away from difficult questions like her mum.

 

“Do I have another parent?” She asked over a game of Dejarik on the Falcon’s board.

 

He spluttered, “Excuse me?”

 

“I think I’m supposed to have two.”

 

“Most people do,” he smiled, though he could think of an exception from a story he had heard long ago. “But you do have a father.”

 

“Mum has never talked about him.” She fiddled with her fingers and Poe frowned, thinking he had said too much.

 

“Hmm,” he started, knowing he had no right to continue without Rey, “well, remember a little while back when you lost your favorite stuffed animal, the loth-cat one.” Kira nodded, mournful by the memory. “Remember how upset you were and how you didn’t want another one even though they sell them at the market, you just wanted the one you had because it was special?”

 

“Yeah,” she said in the pause Poe left, but he didn’t continue. One of the holographic monsters in the game smashed another. “Did you know him?”

 

“Yes.” He was clearly uncomfortable.

 

“Does everyone know him?”

 

He smirked. “Well, you look just like him sometimes, you’ve got his hair and maybe his mouth, so some people think they’ve figured it out, but only a few of us know.Your Uncle Finn, Aunt Rose, and myself.”

 

“But you know him? Like, _know him_ know him?” She jumped up, slamming her hands on the table.

 

“I think this is a conversation best saved for your mother,” he moved a piece to try to continue the game, but he knew it was over at this point. Kira jumped at the chance for the winning move and grinned from ear to ear. “Consider your victory a birthday present, any other day I wouldn’t have gone so easy on you!” Poe stood as he ruffled the girl’s curly dark hair and left the lounge in defeat. Kira smiled at the newly obtained information and settled back into the booth. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

 

Rey and Kira had made their home on the freighter. It hadn’t left the bases' hanger in years, but Rey had fixed it up well to more resemble a real home. Others who were stationed there were given small apartments, and Rey was given that option as well but the Falcon was far more than suitable to live in full time, especially when docked. More spacious too. But it was a lot of the same. 

 

—

 

Rey wobbled up the loading lock carrying enough bags of supplies and goods that it piled over her face.She tried to take everything in from the market in one trip, but that proved to be a bad idea as she stumbled and a bag of fruits spilled all over the hanger floor. At the sound of the commotion Poe, who she’d asked to babysit, came to the doorway and helped her with some of the load. 

 

“Thanks,” Rey said, beginning to pick up the spilled items. 

 

“She asked me about him, Rey” was the first thing he said, and Rey didn’t react aside from reorganizing the bags in her arms to keep them balanced.

 

“Who?” she responded, resting the groceries on her hip as she headed up the dock.

 

“Just because you won’t talk to me about it, doesn’t mean it won’t be the first thing she asks you when you walk in that door,” he sighed, “I’m just giving you a heads up.”

 

“I… I don’t know what you are talking about.” Poe could hear the frog in her throat, she swallowed hard.

 

“You just hope you don’t.” Rey pushed past him and Poe followed behind to drop the bags in the small kitchen nook that had been installed on the ship. She automatically started putting things into cabinets and Poe leaned against the wall waiting for her to speak again. She had no plans too.

 

“Rey…” he started.

 

“Mum!” A voice echoed from down the hall, “are you home?!”

 

Rey froze, dreading what was to come. Truth was, she had been losing sleep over this day for eight years. The young girl peeked her head into the nook where her mother and uncle stood and Rey shut a cabinet she had just finished filling.

 

“Yes, love, but you mustn't go poking around in here, you don’t want to ruin the surprise do you?” Kira shook her head frantically and ran back out. Rey sighed.

 

“Really? Is that how you are going to avoid this?” Poe almost laughed but Rey shot him a look before he could try. She went to unload another bag but fell forward onto the counter spilling its contents.Rey grabbed at her chest with a shaking hand as her heart did it’s best not to collapse and Poe rushed to her side to lift her chin as tears started falling from her face. She continued clenching at her chest as if she wanted to physically grab something there, but alas, nothing.

 

“I can’t do this,” she whispered through broken breaths, “I’m not ready.”

 

“You can do this. She just wants to know that he exists. Maybe tell her his name, or how you met.”

 

She glared through wet eyes.

 

“Okay, maybe not how you met. That was a joke.”

 

This almost merited a smile from her. Almost.

 

“I’ll go wait outside,” Poe said, “start small, tell her that he’s tall or something, that’s easy.”

 

“Do you think…” she paused, unsure of how to phrase her next question, “Do you think she knows anything about… her? Did she mention sensing anything?” In the eight years since the separation, she hasn’t been able to mention the names of her husband or second daughter, not even with her closest friends who were the only people who knew about them.

 

Poe shook his head sorrowfully, knowing what she was referring to, and helped Rey find her bearings. He held onto her arms for a few moments as she tried catching her breath and wiped a tear from her face. Rey nodded with as much relief as she could muster and Poe took that as his cue to step out.

 

“I’ll be back for the party,” he smiled as he headed back towards the loading dock. Rey lingered near the exit to watch her friend leave and as soon as he was out of view her young daughter dashed out.

 

“Mum!” She greeted her mother formally now with a hug, “when does the party start?”

 

“About an hour, dear.” Rey kneeled to reach her level and she closed her eyes with a sigh, “your Uncle Poe told me you wanted to ask me about something.”

 

“I can ask you later,” Kira murmured, shifting nervously.

 

For a moment Rey was relieved but saw the disappointment in her the child’s eyes. “We can talk about it now,” she said, putting a thoughtful hand to her daughters face.

 

“I don’t want you to be upset for tonight.I think it might make you upset.”  


Rey took a step back, a bit saddened at the accusation alone, but she wasn’t surprised at the girl's inept ability to sense things that were not seen. “I promise you, my love, nothing will make me happier than celebrating with you tonight!” She wrapped her arms around her daughter and the two of them headed towards an open room.

 

Kira eagerly hopped onto her bed with her mother next to her and the two crossed their legs and turned to face one another. A position they often shared while playing with stuffed toys or reading bedtime stories.

 

“So,” she started, “Uncle Poe said you want to know about your -“ she choked on the term and cleared her throat, “- father.”

 

“Uncle Poe said he knows him,” Kira smiled, a familiar toothy grin that made Rey’s heart melt.

 

“He does.”

 

“What’s he like?”

 

Rey had known this would be difficult, for she rarely let herself think about him in this capacity. She never let his features come into focus when her mind drifted to him. Only when Rey recognized the similar traits shared between her daughter and him would she see him clearly for just a moment before the grief blurred him yet again.

 

“Tall,” was the first thing that came out. She could tell that answer was unsatisfactory but Kira took it.

 

“Taller than you?”

 

“Way taller than me.”

 

“Taller than Uncle Poe and Uncle Finn?”

 

“Way taller than them,” Rey chuckled as the girl leaned in, hanging off every word.

 

“What else?” she whispered excitedly, and it broke Rey’s heart to see this much enthusiasm over such a menial detail.

 

“He has dark hair like you.” She took a wisp of Kira’s hair and tucked it behind her ears. “You may have his ears too.”

 

Kira quickly brushed her hair in front of them.

 

“Uncle Poe told me he was like my stuffed Loth-Cat.” She fiddled and pouted her lips, because she didn’t quite understand the comparison, and Rey didn’t either. “The toy that you gave me for my birthday when I turned five.”

 

“I suppose… he could have… loth-cat features,” she stated with the same inflection as a question.

 

“What…what happened to him?”

 

A sudden a rush of memories flooded back that took Rey’s breath away. Her eyes must have glazed over at that moment for her daughter began to reach out. She held the small hand in her own and grazed her thumb across her knuckles.

 

“Your father and I got married when the galaxy was still suffering by the aftershocks of war,” Rey began, averting her daughter's eyes, “we had won, but some people were not happy about that victory and thought that your father and I needed to be held responsible for our crimes against their… personal ideals. While we were together, your father and I were very easy to track down, a lot of people were hurt trying to protect us, and… you.” Rey’s mind went to her daughter’s sister, the one who must look just like the one in front of her.

 

With a deep breath, Kira prepared to admit her worry, “is he dead?”

 

Rey’s heart sank even lower as she watched the light fade from her child's face. Though Rey had knowingly withheld details about Kira's father, the thought had never occurred that her daughter had known so little about him that she didn’t even know if he was alive. She cursed herself for letting that happen and for being so selfish.

 

“Oh no, my love,” she comforted, and Kira lit up again, “he just, he had to leave, but he did it for us.” She paused. Kira was too young to hear any of this, but perhaps it was only Rey who was not ready. “The force is very strong within our family, and all of us together, we were a very easy target for those who cherished it’s… darker uses.”

 

Her daughter blinked, as she attempted to absorb the information, but most of it soared right over her youthful outlook as she exclaimed, “so, he’s alive!”  


“I have no reason to think he’s not.” While no one had confirmed his status since he had left, she had hoped if tragedy struck the news would have gotten to her somehow. She was given peace of mind by that reasoning, and she could safely assume that somewhere her husband and daughter were alive and happy together.

 

“So…can we find him one day?”

 

“I hope so, love.”

 

“Mum?” She looked away. “After the party, can you tell me more?”

 

“Of course, sweetheart,” she stumbled over the endearment.

 

Rey stood from the bed after kissing her daughter sweetly on the forehead. She held out a hand to help Kira up, and the two of them walked towards to doorway. Suddenly Kira stopped like she had heard something and she darted towards the exit ramp and let out and excited squee.

 

“Uncle Finn!” The child yelped, and Rey dashed after her to see her oldest friend walking up the dock, being near tackled by a nine-year-old. She leaped up into his arms and he swung her around before placing her back on the ground. “Mum didn’t say you were coming!”

 

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Rey smiled, running up to hug him as well. Squeezing each other so tightly they both took in an exaggerated breath when they parted. “I’m so happy you made it!”

 

“Anything for this little nugget,” he tousled the girl's hair and she rapidly tried to fix it.

 

“Is Sam here?” She tugged on his jacket. 

 

“Of course, he should be your Aunt Rose by this ship still.” He looked back at the hanger and pointed towards the front. Kira dashed off without another word and the adults chuckled as she bounced away.

 

“So, are you going to tell me why you look like an Astro-mech just fell on you?” Finn looked back to Rey, who was startled by his lack of subtlety.

 

“Is it that obvious?”  
  
  


“Maybe just to me.”

 

“She asked about _him_.”

 

“That would do it.”   
  


The tear she had been holding in fell and she quickly rubbed it away. Though she may have felt slightly relieved that she was able to let herself feel weak for a moment, her friend put an arm around her shoulder and he rubbed her head playfully.

 

“Hey, no sad faces!” he exclaimed, and she smiled.

 

“I know, I promised Kira that!” Rey gestured over to the girl who was now running around the hanger with a young boy about her age.As they ran their laughter echoed through the metal walls.

 

—

 

Kira was infatuated with Sam, well, as infatuated as a nine-year-old could be. Her mother would tease her about her crush, but it wasn’t like _that_. Sam, to her, was the most interesting person she’d ever met besides her Uncle Poe, and Sam was her age! He’d gotten to see the galaxy, and though he had only been to four or five planets, Kira was sure he’d seen the entire universe by the way he told stories.

 

“What’s Coruscant like?” she begged, as they ran hand in hand out of the docks.

 

“It’s crazy!” They reached a patch of grass and plopped down together. “There are so many people! Some even have to live underground because it’s so crowded, but some people get to live in the sky!”

 

“Does it have more people than Naboo?” She questioned. Naboo was her favorite place that she had been told about.From Sam’s stories, it was straight out of the fairytales her mother would tell her before bed. 

 

“ _Way_ more people.” He stretched out his arms to express just how much larger it was. “Dad says it’s the busiest planet in the whole galaxy.”

 

“Whoa.”

 

“But I like it here more,” he grinned, his sharp eyes glistening, “there is more room to play.On Coruscant you can barely move without a speeder trying to run you over!” He pointed to a scrape on the tanned skin of his knee. “I had to dive out of the way, I could have died!”

 

“Sam!” Kira exclaimed as if she had remembered something and then her voice turned to a whisper, “guess what?!”

 

“What!?” he said with interest, getting closer.

 

“I found out I have a dad!” she leaned further in so no one else could hear.

 

“Really?!” Sam was a bit too loud with his response, and Kira shushed him. He apologized and covered his mouth.

 

“My mum says he’s alive, he just had to leave…” her tone switched between enthusiastic and a bit disheartened.

 

“Do you know why?”

 

“It was to protect us,” she said, puffing out her chest, trying to make this man seem more heroic. “I think?”

 

 _“Was not.”_  
  
  
  
Another voice made itself clear from behind them. The two kids looked up and met a scowl that they eagerly reflected on him.

 

“Go away, Tag,” Kira hissed.

 

Tag Brance was a couple years older, and with that, he thought he brought great wisdom. But to Sam and Kira, he only brought great buffoonery.

 

“I’ve heard my dad and the others talk all about your dad,” he bragged, acting like he knew a secret. Kira rolled her eyes for she had no interest in his lies.

 

“You don’t even know him.” she bit back, acting like she had known him herself.

 

“Go away,” Sam repeated.

 

“Fine, but if you want to know who your father really is, come and find me.” He dramatically turned away, flipping his hand as his outing gesture. He sauntered back towards the hangers as her mother came up to the grass.

 

“Hey, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving, and you have a birthday cake that’s calling your name,” She said, leaning down to the kids level. Sam and Kira both exchanged a glance and popped up excitedly as they all dashed back towards the Falcon.

 

They had set up a small party for Kira that evening with the other kids on base running around and playing games with their parents standing around the ship drinking and laughing in amusement of their children. Kira was leading a game of her own design, which was complex and involved a lot of screaming and hiding from each other.

 

Her friends had brought her small presents for her to open. A couple of toy animals, which Kira loved, and other knick-knacks. They ate their weight in snacks, and she blew out the candles on her cake. She wished for one thing, and her mother smirked when Kira told her she couldn’t tell her what it was, or else it wouldn’t come true.

 

Finn, Poe, and her mum had been talking intimately most of the night until the party had almost cleared out.Finn and Poe took turns giving her mother comforting gestures until finally she nodded and waved Kira over.

 

“Your Uncle Poe has another present for you,” she said, a bit nervously.

 

“What is it!?” Kira jumped and the adults laughed at her eagerness.

 

“Now, this is from your Uncle Finn and Aunt Rose too,” Poe added, leaning down to her. “There is a flight academy on Coruscant, and while classesfor the big kids aren’t in session they have camps for the younger kids, and we thought that maybe you would like to go.”

 

Her eyes darted to her mother, waiting for her to reject this idea, but she didn’t. Kira smiled and looked back to Poe. “Really?!”

 

“You’ve wanted to fly as long as I can remember.” Poe ruffled her hair once again.

 

“I would get to be a pilot?” She squeaked, gazing back at her mother, just waiting for her to interject.

 

“Well, it is just simulators for the kids, but you would get to experience a lot,” Finn added, “and I’ll still be stationed there, so while the Academy isn't super close, if you need me, I can be there in a heartbeat.”

 

“Is Sam going to go too?”

 

“That boy takes after me a bit too much, he’d never admit it, but he’s terrified of flying.” Finn shook his head, and Kira chuckled because that was very contradictory to most of the stories Sam told.

 

Kira had wanted to fly, that was true, but she mostly wanted to explore. She had done plenty of exploring around the base, within the fields and meadows, but there is only so much to discover in the same old brush day after day. 

 

“Mum, can I go?” She pleaded. “Please, please, please?” She clasped her hands in front of her and gave her mother her best wide-eyed expression.

 

“Against my better judgment, your uncles may have managed to convince me you may have fun.” she sighed, but still beaming.

 

“Now, you will be gone for three weeks.” Poe sounded a little sterner, “and your mom won’t be able to go with you, so you are going to have to be okay with that.”  


“I’m okay!” she exclaimed, perhaps a bit too eagerly.

 

“I didn’t think you’d be that excited to leave me!” Rey joked, leaning down to give her a hug.

 

“Thank you!” Kira nuzzled into her, and Rey struggled to let go.

 

She was going to go to Coruscant. She was going to see a whole new planet, with brand new people. She was going to learn how to fly, and maybe one day she could have her own ship. She hugged her uncles as another thank you and dashed off to tell Sam and she found him picking at some leftover cake.

 

“Sam! I am going to go to Coruscant!”

 

“I know! I had to keep it a surprise!” He grinned, mouth full of frosting. “It’s too bad that I can’t go… I’ll be busy… uh… blaster training,” he stumbled on his lie, but Kira didn’t mind, she was too excited.

 

“No wonder your mother is so eager to send you off.” Tag's voice had made itself clear from around the corner.

 

“What are you talking about, Brance?” Kira crossed her arms and pouted at his ability to turn her mood so sour.

 

“Your mom never even wanted you in the first place, now she has an excuse to get rid of you.” He smirked, trying to get them to badger him for details. “She probably gets sick just looking at you. I heard my dad say you look just like your father.”

 

“Leave me alone,” Kira rolled her eyes, having no interest in continuing this conversation.

 

“That’s why your mom never talks about him, you know, ‘cause he was a bad man and she never wanted you."

 

“That’s not true,” she murmured, losing her confidence. She couldn’t prove that it wasn’t, but certainly, it couldn’t be.Her mom loved her. 

 

“My dad said so,” Tag was so smug about the whole thing, despite not quite understanding what his words implied, “he said that your father hurt your mom, and then she had you.”

 

While the children didn’t really know what that meant, Tag had known enough that it would hurt her feelings. But Tag had always been a liar, Kira told herself.

 

“Cut it out,” Sam interjected, “You don’t know that.”

 

“Then why doesn’t she tell anybody about him? Why does she want to keep it a secret when my dad says everyone has figured it out anyway?” He brought his face down to Kira’s since he was taller, and she greeted it with a fist. He yelped in pain and Kira ran, tears streaming down her face. Sam started to chase after she and Rey caught up to him.

 

“Sam, what happened?” she said as he stopped, she looked down at the older boy on the concrete holding his nose as blood came pouring out.

 

“Tag was being mean,” was all he said.

 

Rey dashed after her daughter who had left the hanger completely to start of the meadow of grass on the edge of the base.

 

“Kira, what did you do?” Rey scolded as she reached her. Kira was folded up on the ground, getting more dirt on her already beaten clothing.

 

“Did you want to have me?” She blurted out, sniffling and rubbing her nose.

 

Rey nearly dove down onto the grass to scoop up her child, putting her in her lap. “Honey of course I did, I wanted you so much, why would you ever say that?”  


“Tag said that you didn’t because of who my father is.”

 

“What?”

 

“He said that his dad knew who my dad was and said that you didn’t want to have me, and dad was bad and you didn't want me.”

 

Rey stopped breathing. An anger filled her that she hadn’t felt in years. She turned her daughter towards her and they locked eyes, “Tag told you this?” Kira nodded, and Rey bit her lip. “My love, no matter what anyone tells you, please know that you were always wanted. Your father and I both wanted you so badly, and love you so much,” she paused as she took a breath, “and no matter what anyone tells you, know that your father and I love each other very much, and we will get to be with him again one day, and you will understand that.”

 

Kira beamed as her eyes still glistened with tears in the moonlight. She buried herself in her mother's chest and she swayed with them both until Poe came running out.

 

“What happened in there, kid?” he exclaimed, with mild concern, but a slight smirk because he knew Brance’s kid probably deserved it.

 

“Kira will tell you all about it,” Rey said as they both stood, brushing themselves off, “why don’t you and Uncle Poe go back to the ship, Mum needs to go run a quick errand before bedtime.”

 

—

 

As soon as they were out of sight, Rey bolted towards the base apartments. She scrolled down the directory of occupants at the entryway until she landed on the ‘Brance’ name. When she stormed to their door she was not subtle with her current state of anger by her knock. A stubbled man, with dark side-swiped hair, answered the door.   


 

“Sorry to bother you so late, Teslin,” Rey said through gritted teeth.

 

“Look, you don’t need to apologize, I know Tag can be a bit of a nuisance sometimes…”

 

“I’m not here about Tag,” she spat. Though he was part of the issue, he was nowhere near the root of the problem. “What have you been telling your son?”  


“About?” The man looked back into his apartment, and took a step out into the hall, closing the door behind him so the rest of his family wouldn’t listen in.

 

“About Kira’s father.”

 

Teslin turned red, and shied away, “look, we talk about it on base sometimes, it's slow around here and it’s pretty clear who her father is after those rumors from awhile back, you can’t just hide it away and expect it not to be a subject of gossip. I haven’t told him anything, but there’s a chance he may have overheard just some banter when a couple of the guys come over for a drink or something.”

 

“What sort of banter?” her fists clenched.

 

“I’ve been with the Resistance a long time, for Leia’s sake we’ve all kept our mouths shut, after everything that happened with Vader, she doesn’t deserve that sort of backlash twice, she’s earned her people’s trust and her family shouldn’t discredit it.”

 

At least he understood that much, but the anger still fumed in her.

 

“We know who her son was, what he became, we know what he was like. The man is… was.. a monster”  
  
  


“So, you think he assaulted me?”

 

“Rey, it’s just mindless gossip, it's not a big deal, not everyone thinks that.”  
  
  


“You gossip about me being assaulted is mindless gossip? Tell that to my daughter who was in tears moments ago because she was told I never wanted her!” she paused, “You have no idea what you are talking about, and what you are accusing him of isn’t just gossip. That is never gossip. It’s a sickening lie.”

 

“So, he _is_ her father?” He said as that was the only information he seemed to absorb. 

 

Though Rey didn’t confirm or deny that fact, the fist that she threw certainly did prove that Kira was _her_ daughter. Teslin recoiled against the wall and Rey turned away. The man frantically opened his apartment door and slammed it behind him and she left the building without even glancing back.

 

She collapsed on the same patch of grass Sam and Kira were playing in earlier, pulling her knees up to her face. Her chin quivering and she imagined _him_ next to her. Pulling the blades by their roots one by one like children, leaning into each other, telling each other stories from their time apart, she pathetically searched within herself once more to find a way to him, to both of them, but she was met with the same feeling as every time before. Emptiness. She gazed up at the stars, those stars which, even now, kept them all connected.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original upload of this fic is disappearing this week!   
> Thank you guys for the warm response to moving this over!


	3. 8 Years Later Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my plans got canceled today, so have an update! Since this fic is already done anyway! haha!

 

In her entire nine years, Kylin Organa was sure her father hadn’t gone more than a few days without mentioning her mother in some sort of context. On her ninth birthday, she finally understood why. Her dad would swear time and time again that she looked just like her mother, but when she saw a photo of her for the first time she came to see that that was not true at all.

 

She was beautiful.

 

For her birthday that year, her father had gifted her a locket. It was exquisitely beautiful with an emblem she wasn’t quite familiar with on the front, a symbol that resembled a cloud with a starburst in the center.

 

“It’s perfect!” she exclaimed, throwing the jewelry over her neck, then dashing to the mirror in the back of her room to admire her newly completed outfit. Her nearly black curly hair had been tied up on the top of her head, stray pieces hung at either side of her temples, and she wore a knee-length sundress that shone different shades of blue depending on how the light hit it. She took the opportunity to spin so her skirt whipped around and stopped to face her father.

 

“It opens,” he replied, a little hesitant. “The Locket”

 

“Oh!” She looked down at the pendant on her chest and begun to fiddle with it until it clicked open. Upside down it was hard to tell, but as soon as she flipped it... she knew. “Is this her?” she whispered, almost stunned.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Will you ever tell me-?” she started but trailed off, her eyes still locked on the image. No wonder her father was so enamored with her. The picture was simple and small so she couldn’t tell much, but she could make out a wide smile. The smile her father has told her that they share and made all the suns seem dull in comparison.

 

“Hopefully I won’t have too,” he replied to her unfinished thought, the corner of his mouth raising into a slight smile. He bowed down to take his daughter's hand. “Now, I believe we have a party to attend, everyone is waiting for us in the garden.”

 

Birren was a small, but a beautiful planet that lay within the inner rim. Citizens of Alderaan and Arkanis had colonized it many years ago and it was now home to many of the last people who considered themselves from the lost planet. They were a world who cherished their royalty and their treasured familial line, and though their relationship was not biological, the people of Alderaan were so smitten with their adopted princess, she had been accepted as the true Organa heir without a fight. At least not until the galaxy found out her true lineage. But all the same, the royal line on Birren had been respected by its people, and from his birth, Ben Solo had been put in line to inherit a title of his own, and so when he had arrived with his daughter, they adopted the surname Organa. 

 

The title was never something Ben had wanted or dreamed of accepting, but at a certain point of corruption within Birren, and little option for himself, he felt it was the least he could do as penance. Birren was small enough that his presence could remain under the radar, but his status on the planet also guaranteed first-class protection. So while he had convinced himself his decisions to go there were not selfish, they did benefit him immensely.

 

The line between the man who was Kylo Ren and Ben Organa-Solo was complicated for him, but to most people they were separate. The galaxy at large hadn’t even come to realize that they were once one in the same, and that was his saving grace. That information had been safely guarded by the Resistance forces, and Ben supposed he was grateful for that, but also felt like keeping this information hidden was deceitful. Rumors would arise, of course, of where Ben Organa-Solo was during the time of war, whispers within the court, but they were soon squashed by the Resistance forces or Leia herself.

 

Kylin had her suspicions as well. Ben had been sure not to lie to her, but that did mean withholding the truth when needed. She hadn’t been alive during the short-lived tyranny of the First Order, but it was something the galaxy was still cleaning up after to this day. The girl didn’t need to know what her fathers secrets, all she needed to know is that he was atoning for them.  


 

That was always something Ben had made sure Kylin knew. They had to leave her mother, and not the other way around. He always tried to paint the Rey in the best imaginable light, as some sort of goddess, but sometimes it backfired and he could tell Kylin resented her at times.Such a perfect woman wouldn’t allow her child to grow up without a mother. 

 

—

 

As father and daughter reached the royal garden they were met by people of all measures of political power. While Kylin enjoyed parties and social events, especially if it meant she’d receive presents of sorts, she knew this one, in particular, would be quite dull. Not many of the politicians had children, and as Kylin didn’t leave the palace for schooling she didn’t have many friends her own age. She found herself in the company of droids at these events, as her father would be busy with the company of socialites schmoozing him.

 

The politicians wished her a polite happy birthday, but she just eyed the astounding pile of presents behind them. The presents were more likely bought to impress her father rather than her, but still, the sight of them had her thrilled.

 

“Thank you.” she nodded for what seemed like the hundredth time as they quickly bypassed her to their esteemed _Lord_.

 

Royalty on Birren didn’t mean much in terms of influence, there was some political power, but it was mostly just a vanity. People seemed to forget that, though.Everyone wanted to say they were friends with the elite. 

 

“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” said familiar voice from behind. Finally a voice she was excited about.Kylin turned around and leaped into her grandmother's arms who happily obliged to squeeze her back.

 

“Grandmother, you are home!” she exclaimed, “Father said not to expect you.” From a few feet over Ben glanced down at the child, scolding her with his eyes.

 

“Ignore your father, he just likes thinking that I’m going to let him down whenever I get the chance.” Ben groaned at the comment as he pretended to be engaged in the conversation he was having with a junior senator.

 

“Look what dad got me, though” she turned suddenly to a whisper and dragged her grandmother by the arm to a corner of the garden. She noticed her father look at them once more in despair as his only two excuses to not have to deal with these political suck-ups abandoned him.

 

Once they were in a more secure area, Kylin pulled the locket from her dress.

 

“It’s beautiful,” Leia said and bent down to lift it up, examining the shape.

 

“What’s the symbol on the front?” The girl inquired, assuming that she would know.

 

“It’s the symbol for the Light, it’s an ancient symbol from before the days of the Jedi.” she replied instantly, still examining it, “I wonder how you're father found this…”

 

Kylin softly grabbed the heart of the locket from her grandmother and clicked it open for her. She placed it back in her hands and Leia stilled.

 

“She’s pretty, isn’t she?” Kylin said, not quite reading on Leia’s uneasiness.

 

From across the crowd, her father's voice became clear, “Pardon me, but I must go attend to my family, this is, after all, my daughter's birthday.” He walked briskly in their direction, his long red robes almost making him appear as if he was floating. He reached them and focused his glare on his mother, “If you leave me alone with those buffoons one more time this evening…”

 

“You’ll do what?” Leia met his gaze, and while Ben struggled to hold his tongue, he managed to. There was a brief moment of silence and Leia turned to her granddaughter, “why don’t you go speak to Artoo and Threepio, I’m sure they would quite like your company.”  
Kylin looked around for the droids and spotted the golden glare from Threepio's head from across the ways, behind a large fountain. She nodded and ran off, leaving just Leia with her son.

 

“The present.”

 

“I knew you’d be upset,” he said simply, looking off in the direction in which his daughter just ran.

 

“Of course I'm upset,” she snapped, “you keep putting our operations at risk if you want this war to truly be over if you want to return to the rest of your family without putting everyone you care about in danger…”

 

“It’s been eight years, mother” he replied, almost monotonously, “I have very little hope that you’ll ever let me go back to them, or that you are even trying.”

 

“Ben.”

 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he said, “I’m going to go rescue my daughter from Threepio’s masterful retelling of his encounter with the First Order during Ackbar’s rescue mission.” He waved a hand with his exit, knowing his mother was glaring blaster bolts into his back.

 

—

 

“… and certainly, princess, you would not believe the absolute peril we went through!”Threepio had been saying as Ben approached. Artoo beeping next to him in exasperation.

 

Kylin had heard this story countless times, but she nodded along in the grass as it was far more interesting than what anyone else was going to say at this party.

 

“Excuse me,” Ben interrupted and Threepio jolted to attention.

 

“Ah, Master Ben!” He said, “I was just telling the young princess here…”

 

“About the time you heroically saved Admiral Ackbar from the clutches of The First Order? I believe I have heard that one.” He almost smiled a bit, and Kylin rose to her feet. She stood next to her father and he put a hand on her shoulder. “But I also believe that dinner should be served any minute now, so I believe we should go find our seats.”

 

The two of them walked away, and Artoo beeped an insult at his golden counterpart who struck him as a response. Kylin giggled and her father let out a soft snort.

 

“Can I sit by you?” His daughter asked just as Ben went to make the dining announcement.

 

“I was just to ask you the same thing,” he smirked down at her, then he raised his voice, “We have dinner prepared in the outer courtyard, so if you would please come join us, we would… be honored.” Ben shook his head, he wasn’t very good at these events or knowing how to speak to people who hung off his every word like this. Kylin laughed again at her father's lack of eloquence and he nudged her. The crowds began to make their way out of the central garden towards the much larger courtyard in which a series of long banquet tables had been set up in the evening sun.

  
—  


Her Father took his place at the head of the center table while Kylin took her place to his left. The spot to the right was to be reserved for Leia, and most people would have assumed that, and Kylin looked for her grandmother who was slightly detained by Threepio.

 

But then a woman entered. A woman who Kylin had seen far too often in her opinion, even though their paths had only crossed three times. She was tall, slender, with black hair and an almost golden hue to her skin. She made her way to the center table and promptly took a seat next to the girl's father.

 

“Excuse me, but that seat is reserved for my grandmother,” Kylin humphed, and Ben coughed a quiet warning for the brashness in her tone.

 

“Oh,” she didn’t sound surprised, or affected, “but I see the spot next to you is still open, wouldn’t you rather she sit there?”

 

“No.” she hissed as Leia finally made her way to the table.

 

“Ah, Clara Sindain, what a pleasant... surprise.” It was clear and comforting that Leia was just as fond of this woman as Kylin.

 

Clara Sindain was once part of one of the most highly regarded families on Birren. Her cousin had shortly held the royal title until Leia had stepped in and ripped it from her after she had discovered that this was the woman who had outed her true familial line. The waters between the two families had been rough, needless to say, from that point.

 

“Always a pleasure,” Clara said, Leia lingered behind her, expecting her to move. “Your granddaughter was just telling me how important it was that you sit with her for this event.” Kylin snarled. “So she must have saved the seat next to her just for you.”

 

Leia glanced towards the child and she responded by shaking her head in protest. Leia sighed, but didn’t fight it, and joined her granddaughter on the other side of the table. The instant she sat down Clara leaned in towards Ben who slightly leaned back at the abruptness.

 

Her father was not fond of the woman either and wasn’t completely oblivious to her forwardness like Kylin had thought. She had often found excuses to be near him in the court, to touch him somehow, or to try to get him alone. He had almost felt bad that she was embarrassing herself to this degree in front of so many people.

 

“So, Clara,” Leia coughed to regain her attention, “what brings you to our event?”

 

“The whole court was invited.”

 

“It was optional.” Kylin snapped.  Leia chucked as Ben lightly kicked her chair.

 

“Your daughter is a little... spitfire... isn’t she,” Clara said through clenched teeth, trying to force a smile.

 

“She takes after her mother,” Ben chimed in. Though realistically, they were both to blame when it came to this temperamental personality.

 

“Ah, her mother,” Clara said, a little disheartened that she had been brought up so quickly. “Do you miss her?” The woman had directed this question towards the Kylin, but her eyes were still on Ben.

 

“Yes,” Ben had responded for them both. He took a sip of the caf that had been placed in front of him and set it back down on the table without making eye contact with anyone. Kylin puffed out her cheeks at the woman, while she wasn’t looking, in the small victory.

 

“Pity,” the woman sneered, her eyes darting to the child who looked away innocently.

 

A meal of several courses was served to the party guests. Between servings, attendees would come and greet their ‘honorable’ Lord, and would maybe acknowledge Kylin, as the fact this event was technically for her. She often detested the number of people bombarding her father, but this was a welcome interruption, for it gave Clara less time to sink her claws into him.

 

When the dessert course came, the Organa family was all ready for this charade to be over. Leia had rolled her eyes so many times over the evening she had become dizzy and Kylin’s face began to hurt from the grimacing stares. But it wasn’t until Clara had leaned over to wipe something off of Ben’s face that Kylin truly lost it.

 

The girl flicked her wrist under the table and Miss Sindain went flying out of her seat onto the grass.

 

“ _Pity_ ,” Kylin whispered as snickers were heard from across the courtyard. The woman quickly stood and brushed off her gown. It was clear she didn’t quite know how that just happened, and in her embarrassment, she excused herself and walked towards the entrance gates, face completely red.

 

“Kylin Organa!” her father snapped, the smirk immediately wiped from her face, “what the hell did you do?”

 

She was stunned at his language.  Her father scolded her often, but rarely did he get angry at her to this degree. The shock made her eyes burn and her chin wobbled as she averted his eyes. She felt the gazes of the party guest burn into her as her father's voice had caught all of their attention. Though she was still only a child, she had never felt so small.

 

“Go and apologize to Miss Sindain.” he pointed towards the gates in which Clara couldn’t have made it too far.

 

“Ben…” Leia warned as she saw the terror on the child’s face.

 

“She is my child, mother, I will raise her,” he spat at her, “and she’s been misbehaving the entire evening!”

 

“Well if you care so much about Miss Sindain why don’t you just go to her, that’s what she wants anyway!” Kylin burst out into tears and ran back to the gardens and Ben collapsed into his hands against the table. The silenced courtyard began to hum with chatter after a few moments.

 

“Dammit,” he growled, his mother casually picking at her dessert once more like nothing had happened.

 

“Mad at yourself or her?” Leia responded, taking another bite of the cake.

 

“Both.” He stood from his chair and glided towards where his daughter had dashed off too.

 

His child had kicked off her shoes and was sitting at the edge of the center fountain. Her feet grazing the waters as they danced out of the spouts. Ben shucked off his most outer robe, rolled up his pant legs, and joined her.

 

“Can we talk?” he started as she sniffled, rubbing her arm against her nose.

 

“No.”

 

“Please?” he kicked his feet in the water, splashing her slightly.

 

“If you marry her you won’t care about finding mom anymore and we’ll never go get her,” she admitted quickly.

 

“If you think for a moment that I’m considering even courting that woman you are even more ludicrous than I thought,” He pulled her into his side and she leaned into his soft tunic.

 

“Promise?”

 

“Promise.” He smiled at her, but his heart was breaking. “But you have to promise me not to use your force abilities in front of that many people again, you’re lucky nobody noticed anything.”  


Kylin thought for a second but eventually gave her father that promise.

 

They stayed there until the party cleared out. Leia had taken over as the hostess and gave her apologies for her family’s disappearance and that he had to attend to some family matters. The socialites understood, applauding their Lord’s dedication to being a present single father. As the last of the guests left and the servant droids rolled in, Leia breathed a sigh of relief as she sauntered back into the gardens.

 

“You owe me for that,” she said, her son’s head turning to her.

 

“That’s payback for leaving me earlier.” he quipped. 

 

“I left you for one minute, you left me for more than an hour.” Kylin gave a short laugh at this and Leia looked relieved at her joy. “So you two made up?”

 

Kylin nodded and then Leia slipped off her shoes and joined them both. All three feeling very serene and happy in that moment. Leia looked at her son though, whose eyes had glazed over looking at the empty space next to him. Though Leia had known what they had done was right, it still shattered her that her son was still so broken after all this time. She had, in a way, been the one that had taken away the one thing that made him feel whole in his entire life.

 

As night began to fall, the three of them headed back towards the residential wing of the palace, a small train of droids carrying the pile of unopened gifts.

 

“Do you want to open them before bed?” Ben asked his daughter, as she trailed a bit in front of him on the marble floor.

 

“No, they are all for you anyway.” she rolled her eyes, “I’ll open them in the morning.”

 

The father cocked his head, for this was the first time his daughter had ever turned down opening presents. But after years of opening expensive gifts that had no intention of belonging to a child, he supposed he could understand why she’s not so eager anymore.

 

But then the girl turned around and held the locket in her hands, she clicked it open and held it out as much as the chain will allow, “I’ve already gotten the best one anyway!” 

Then she smiled, so brightly and wide that her eyes almost closed.

 

Ben froze. His heart raced.

 

He began to look frantically for his mother who thankfully was not far behind and recognized his sudden distress. He started clawing at his chest with gasping breaths to communicate something for her and Kylin reached for his hand to try to see what was happening. Leia was able to intercept it and turned the child around.

 

“Come on, sweetheart,” she said, making sure she didn't look back, “Let’s get you ready for bed, your father will come in to say goodnight in a little bit.”

 

Ben couldn't breathe. Every item of clothing on him was restricting, and within panicked breaths he quickly walked towards his own quarters, turning back ever so slightly to see his mother and daughter head in the opposite direction. He shook as he fumbled with the doorknob, and when it finally opened he ripped off the ridiculous clothing he’d been wearing before the door even had the chance to close fully, tossing the saber he had hidden onto the floor.

 

_Why it had hit him so much harder in that moment than it ever had before he didn’t know._

 

He continued to claw at his undershirt, feeling the need to hold onto something that was not there. He let out an open sob, covering his face, and collapsed onto his bed. He’d become a child throwing a tantrum, and he could not hold still. Becoming painfully restless, he stood again and begun to pace the elegantly furnished room.

 

He wanted to break everything in it.

 

Ben stopped himself, though, folding his arms around his torso, becoming his own comfort. He wanted her there so badly, within his hold, her hands on his back. He was sobbing at this point, biting his lip in a useless attempt to hold it in, and then there was a knock at the door.

 

He could sense it was his mother, and at the same time that it takes for him to open the door, he has fallen into her arms, forgetting his age and his size.

 

“Why did you take her from me?” he choked into her shoulder, “She was the one person who wanted me... and you took her from me.” He knew somewhere that his mother couldn’t be blamed, but in this moment he needed to blame someone aside from himself, and luckily his mother was able to see that. She stroked his head, the two still standing in the doorway.

 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered to him, holding back her own tears. “You are doing the right thing, Ben, I hope when this is all over you will know that.”  


“I miss her,” he whimpered, so childlike that it causes his mother to tremble, almost unable to hold his weight much longer.

 

“I know you do,” is all she could manage to say. With a light push, she was finally able to get him to his feet and led him back into the room, the door shutting behind them.

 

He mumbled words of nonsense as he fell onto his bed. His panicked breath was still evident, but calming as he placed his head on his mother's lap as she sat next to him.

 

“I still need her.” He clenched at his heart again, trying to hold the broken pieces together. They are both quiet as Leia tries to soothe him.

 

“But you have someone else who needs you too,” she sighed, and he stilled. “Take a deep breath, and go tell your daughter that you are okay, she’s scared.”

 

He laid there for a few seconds, letting himself feel weak, and his mother let him.

 

“It’s been awhile since you’ve had an outburst like this,” she said after she could feel his pulse become steady.

 

“Thanks for noticing,” he snarled, eyes still closed.

 

When Leia encouraged him once more, and he was able to stand on his feet and walk to her to his doorway to wish her goodnight, and a thank you.His mother, before she went to her own rooms, brought a hand to his scarred cheek, Ben then watched her leave before heading out himself, stumbling slightly down the decorated hallway.

 

He knocked lightly on his daughter's door and waited for the small ‘come in’ before entering. She was under her blankets, eye’s barely peering out. The look on her face was one of absolute misery.

 

“I don’t like it when you do that,” she said so meekly that he could barely make out the words.  


 

“Either do I,” he responded, sitting on the mattress beside her. The room was silent and she flipped to turn away from him. “I’m sorry.”

 

“I just don’t want you to be sad.”

 

Ben was in awe of his daughter’s empathy at such a young age.Who she learned that from was lost on him.

 

“Sweetheart, when… you and I left…your mother, it was the worst day of my life, and sometimes…it's hard to handle...” He couldn't finish, but Kylin faced him again.

 

“We’ll go find her. We’ll go find her and then this won’t happen anymore, right?” She said so innocently that Ben almost believed it.

 

“If only it were that easy.” He put a hand on her head and she nuzzled into it.

 

“Someday.” She began to doze off. Ben looked over at her and spotted the gold chain around her neck and smiled at the fact that she didn’t take it off for bed.

 

“Someday,” he repeated. “Now, since I may have ruined your birthday, I think I owe you one more present.” Kylin perked up just a little bit. “What do you want?”

 

After a moment of contemplation, her eyes widened at an idea, "I think I want to leave."

 

“What?” he responded, a bit shocked.

 

“Not _forever_ , just want to see someplace else. I never get to see any kids my age, or get to play with them, I’m stuck here all the time, I just want to see someplace else.” She stared at the ceiling, raising her arms towards it as if it were the sky.

 

“Well, I’ll see what we can do, I suppose.” He accepted, though the idea of leaving terrified him to his core.

 

She was quiet after that, and sleep slowly overcame her. 

 

Ben continued to sit on the edge of her bed for a bit longer and looked out the far window as the moonlight streamed in. He hoped if his other daughter had celebrated today, it had gone a bit smoother.

 

  
****

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://inexorably-drawn-to-you.tumblr.com/  
> Thank you guys for dealing with this reupload! Uploads will be back on a Monday and Friday schedule from now on again!)


	4. A Long Time Ago: Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filling in some of the blanks :D

_About 10 Years Ago_   
  


Ben Solo had been imprisoned for exactly six standard months after the fall of the First Order, and he supposed with that, his own. But he could barely call when he went through imprisonment, the guards were weak minded, the screws on the door were loose, and the access codes had been even simpler to crack. It would have been easy for the most basic of prisoners to escape, let alone one of his caliber. He never attempted to escape by his own means though, he just liked to prove that he could. He would spend the days unscrewing hinges with the Force from across the room, then putting them back into place.

 

It had been three weeks before she finally came. Unconscious guards at her feet as the cell doors hissed open. They didn’t leave together that time, she didn’t come to break him out, she just let those doors close behind her as they both stood in the dimmed cell lights.

 

So while he had been imprisoned, he only remembers that time fondly.

 

Being trapped behind metal walls wasn’t nearly as bad when he had the company of the only person he'd wanted it from.

 

It was like that for months. She’d come by when the nights were quiet, often only once or twice a standard week. These visits were long, would often last until sunrise, but they were also confusing as words were rarely used. It was the same every time. Those same cell doors would hiss open, she’d be there, she’d sit by him, sometimes closer, sometimes farther, and she’d lose herself in her mind. Trying to figure something to say.

 

Ben tried not to steal away into her thoughts, though at times he was sure she wanted him too. She was clearly concerned about something and maybe he could make sense of it, but he resisted, and he just admired her company.

 

“Finn did something funny today,” she said one evening, about three months in, Ben’s face dropped from the shock of her saying more than just her usual pleasantries.

 

“Mmh?” He honestly had no idea how to respond, and his throat closed.

 

“Yeah!” She lifted and folded her legs onto the cot which they sat and turned towards him. “Poe and I, well, we were trying to help Finn brush up on his piloting skills, he’s not very good to be honest, sharpshooter, but can’t fly his way out of a transport crate…”

 

As her story went on she gestured wildly and gazed off to the fictional audience she was talking too. She kept laughing before she reached the actual punchline and Ben found himself wishing she'd never reach the end so he could keep listening to that laugh.

 

“… The simulator didn’t even know how to process it, so not only did he crash, all of the processors did!” she finished, still beaming. She met his gaze once more, waiting for a response as he had not said a word.

 

He snorted. It was an ugly sound, certainly in no way endearing or attractive. But she laughed so hard as a response that she did the same. He slammed his hand upon his mouth to stop any other crude noises from coming out and his body shook with his chuckle. This was something so new and foreign to him, for the both of them, it almost became uncontrollable.

 

It wasn’t that the story was particularly funny, and they both knew that. They were just finally both coming to terms of how odd this series of events had been the last few months, and this was their way of admitting it.

 

Then she silenced herself, almost distracted again, and reached for this hand. The one still covering his mouth. She shifted it slightly to the side to reveal a small portion of his grin and her thumb grazed the corner of his lips... and as if suddenly white-hot she brought her hand back into her lap. Her stare left unfazed.

 

“It is you, isn’t it?” She said, the context of the question a bit unclear. The tone a bit off-putting.

 

He brought his hand down as his face became more sullen. “What do you mean?”

 

She didn’t answer. Perhaps because she didn’t know. She kept coming here for a reason, and she assumed it was because she needed to prove to herself who he was, who she was dealing with. 

 

“I like how you are _you_ ,” Ben responded and Rey looked up more confused than ever.“I mean, you could have come through the Force, but you come in person.”

 

Rey smiled with a closed mouth.“I don’t want you to look like a crazy person talking to something that isn’t there on the security cameras.This way we know I erase them.”  
  
“Of course.”

  
Rey’s expression became blank again as she stared into his eyes.“But you are him, right? You are Ben.”She had to stop herself from saying ‘my Ben.’ 

 

“There is no difference between the two of them if that is what you are asking.”

 

This was a conversation long since due, and one he had been expecting since she first started visiting. He had been almost certain that this was the reason she kept coming, to prove to herself that he wasn’t the same man she had met in the forests of Takodana. That man she had known had been a monster living within the shell of who he truly was, and his true self had been dormant waiting to be awakened.She had seen his true self while she was with Luke on Ahch-To.While perhaps there was some truth there, it wasn’t a black and white situation, he was once Kylo Ren and there was no denying their minds were one in the same.

 

_‘That’s not true’_ a thought echoed in his mind, and his train of thought was broken. She’d finally lowered her barriers to him, and for a moment he believed her.He believed her in that serenity of their shared space.

 

She stood from his cot and broke that brief connection. She placed her hand over her own heart and left the cell without another word, the glimmer of morning light peaking through the door as she made her exit.

 

She didn’t visit again for two weeks.

 

Though it was easier than her past absences, for she let him sense her more freely now. While the connection had always been there, they had both tried their best to keep each other out at some points, sometimes to no avail. But now, she was more inviting. Her exact thoughts were unclear, but her wide range of emotions was vivid in his mind's eye. It entertained him tirelessly in the seemingly endless days of his empty cell. 

 

He’d been trying to sleep when she’d finally come back. Sleep didn’t come easily while imprisoned. The cot was small and uncomfortable, his legs hung off the end unless he curled up, and he didn’t tire easily as his days were filled with being stagnant.

 

He heard that door hiss and his heart pounded. Though his eyes were still closed he could sense her presence like a burst of flames in his chest.

 

_‘I know you’re awake’_ said a soft whisper in his head. He remained in his curled state, faced away from the harsh artificial light from the open door.

 

The light dimmed as the door closed, with unconscious guards slumped over in their seats outside them. Her delicate footsteps bounced off the silent walls and the cot shifted as she sat. He remained still.

 

She hummed, filling the silence, waiting for him to recognize her presence.He was just letting himself be soothed by it for the time being. Whatever feeling she brought him was far out of his control and he knew it, he was lost to it and had been for much longer than the time he had spent in this cell.

 

The cot shifted again as she stood and then she slid the stiff wool blanket off of his shoulders. A moment before he was about to resign and recognize she was there, he felt her body crawl in next to him, her forehead pressed in-between his shoulder blades. Her breath coming hot through his shirt. He was positive she could hear his chest pounding but she didn’t seem to mind. In that second it all became clear, that comfort he felt with her wasn’t exclusive, nor was it ever, not really.

 

She was truly letting him in, barriers down, mind open. She hadn’t been this vulnerable with him since those final battles of the war. It was different now though, there was no urgency or panic, just peace. Fibers of the Force flowing, weaving, and joining them.

 

The connection between them was inexplicably real. There was no denying it. It wasn't something they had asked for, in fact, but it wasn’t something they had rejected either. Now though, after everything, he was maybe even thankful for his mistakes because it had lead to this moment.This moment with her next to him.

 

“Are you going to talk to me yet?” she nudged him with her forehead, her small hand grazing his side.

 

“No, I’m fine like this,” he muttered. He could feel her body still at that admission. Perhaps he shouldn’t have said it. He expected her to move, or to leave entirely, but she didn’t, not yet. It seemed like an eternity passed before she responded.

 

“...Me too”

 

—

 

They may have slept like that, it was hard to tell if either of their hearts stopped racing long enough to accomplish that. Perhaps there were moments where they both had dozed, but it certainly wasn’t deep sleep. Hours went by before the cot shifted again, and Rey made her way to leave.

 

The metal doors made their usual hiss as they automatically slammed behind her. A guard who stood his post gawked in shock as she exited and she calmly lifted a hand before his face.

 

“You will have no recollection of me being here.”

  
“I will have no recollection of you being here.”

 

She hated doing that.

 

As the months passed and they tried desperately to achieve a sense of normalcy during these visits, she would ramble through those midnight hours by telling him stories of her day, and he’d jokingly chime in to report on his routine portioned meal. Some of the nights she’d sneak in a holopad and they’d play the simple children’s games that had been installed onto the device. Other nights she’d bring in her sketches of mechanical parts she had been working on, and one time she drew a small picture of him looking dastardly upset on the cot. He kept it in his pillowcase.

 

For a time this facade of normalcy seemed to be working, but Rey was still fighting something, she still had something to prove. She’d let so much of him in already and she was overwhelmed with guilt when that wasn’t enough to put her mind at ease.

 

One evening, she had been sprawled out on the cell floor and Ben just amusedly watched her as she scribbled in one of her notebooks, and she hadn’t said much at all.

 

“We can talk about it if you want,” he murmured, half wishing she couldn’t hear him.

 

“I don’t even know what it is,” she replied, still gazing intently at her sketches in the dim light.

 

“You’re still scared of me, and you are trying to convince yourself you shouldn’t be.You're afraid our camaraderie is another misunderstanding.” He straightened himself on the bed before folding over slightly into steepled hands. “You know you don’t owe me anything.”

 

_‘Except my life’_ she thought to herself, as her pencil stopped moving. The truth was most of the people in her life wouldn’t be with her today if it weren’t for him. Though there was no denying his wrongdoings, a part of her just couldn’t picture the man in front of her being the same one that was behind that dreaded mask.The one who would later call himself Supreme Leader. She’d been trying to see it, accept it, for months.

 

While Rey was convinced there must have been another truth, on the other side of things, Ben wasn’t so sure. He had blindly listened to the ‘will of the Force’, positive that it wouldn’t steer him wrong. The will of the Force had convinced him that his crimes were just. The will of the Force had convinced him that he was on the right side. Sure, he had been manipulated, groomed, and lied too, but that didn’t mean he was innocent. He had felt guilt. He had felt fear. A part of him must have known he was wrong if those feelings crossed him. He knew he shouldn’t be treated like he didn’t know better like Rey and even his mother had so insisted on doing.

 

To him, the Force had betrayed him. That’s where he stood with his spiritualism. While he didn’t reject his sensitivity and the benefits it served him, a part of him felt owed to reap them, for what this 'will of the Force' had once made him.

 

“I haven’t quite figured everything out either,” Ben sighed, after a quick silence. “I’m not sure I ever will. I feel such a disconnect to the past, but my mind was there. I know it was. I was in control…for most of it.”

 

“Mmmm,” she hummed, not sure if she wanted to continue the conversation.

 

“What do you want me to tell you?” he almost begged, wanting more from their relationship, wanting it to grow when he felt that this is what was stopping it.

 

“Ben, do you think I know? That’s why I’m here!” she slammed the pencil down and grunted. Finally. She was angry. “Do you think I want to defend you? That I’m making excuses? I’m not. Trust me. I wish I could sometimes.”

 

“Re-“  


“I’ve been trying to see you as _him_ since the day they brought you here, and I can’t. I’m not trying to convince myself that I shouldn’t be scared of you, I’m trying to convince myself that I should. Every time I let you in, every time I come to you, I’m waiting for it. It doesn’t come. I’m not scared of you, not even a little bit,” she looked down and her voice got quiet, “but I'm scared of-“

 

Crash!

 

They both jumped from the noise and Rey scooped up her things and dashed towards the door, knowing that the sound meant morning was near. She shuffled the papers in her hands and ran from the room. The door slammed. He was left in shock but felt the corners of his mouth raised into a small smirk before collapsing from exhaustion.

 

—

 

After she left Rey was surprised to find that she hadn't been met by a guard given the time. She began her trail through the line of cells and soon enough she heard steps echo through the hall that didn't belong to her. She readied her mind to erase her presence from the one who was about to cross her and as soon as she began to raise her hand a voice made itself clear from around the corner.

 

“Don’t you dare.”  


 

“General?” Rey gasped as the woman presented herself.

 

“What are you doing here, Rey?” Leia said, crossing her arms. "And please call me Leia, dear, we've been through this."

 

“Morning routine.” She lied.

 

“Walking through the prison cells, without supervision, is part of your morning routine?” the eldest of the two said dryly, not believing it for a moment.

 

“What are you doing up so early?” Rey tried to change the subject.

 

“I’m going to go see my son, but I seem to be the only one who is willing to admit that I go and visit him.” She cocked an eyebrow and Rey nervously played with the papers in her hands. “If it’s okay for me to ask… why are you so afraid to tell people you’ve been visiting? I could give you the proper permissions and you wouldn’t have to knock out and erase the memories of so many of my guards.”

 

“I just… I rather…” she stammered, “I rather people not know.”

 

The general's eyes widened. “I guess I understand why you wouldn’t openly talk about that with his mother.”

 

Rey flushed as she began to clarify, “No! Not because of that, we’re not… it’s not like that!” Her face beat red. “It’s different, I promise.”

 

“But still intimate enough that you don’t want your meetings on record?”

 

Rey chose not to respond any further. Leia had clearly become aware of the situation and there was no use denying it. Rey felt a comforting hand on her shoulder as the woman passed her.

 

Her heart pounded and once her composure was gained and she began her dash towards the on-base apartments. Exhausted from the sleepless night.

 

—

 

Meanwhile, the lights flickered on in Ben’s prison cell, he groaned at the sharp sensation as he heard access codes being punched into the outside walls.

 

“Goodmorning, Ben,” the familiar voice of his mother said. He was drained and not completely sure if he could put up the proper front to talk to her right now.

 

He just groaned in response.

 

“Just like waking you up when you were a boy, some things don’t change,” she sighed as Ben finally turned to her, opening his eyes, glaring at the two guards that framed her. “Now, if you two would excuse me, I would like a moment alone with my son.”

 

“Ma’am, we insist that we stay, protocol requires-,” began the man with a blaster to her left.

 

“And I insist that you leave,” he tone became far harsher. The two guards straightened with a nod and walked out of the cell. She waited for the cell to close and her gaze focused on her son.

 

“I saw Rey on my way in this morning. She said roaming the prison cells was part of her 'morning routine'.” Leia started, tapping her foot as her son stared deadpanned in her direction. He looked more exhausted than usual, ill even.

 

“Don’t patronize me, mother.”

 

“Then would you like to tell me why she insists on coming here off record. You are allowed approved visitors during daylight hours.”

 

“Certainly you can imagine why she doesn’t want her friends and colleagues knowing.” He flipped away dramatically and Leia rolled her eyes.

 

“The Resistance council is discussing the details of sending you to trial.”

 

“Took them long enough.” He clearly had no interesting in discussing this any further.

 

“Ben, we need to talk about these things, the Republic doesn’t know we have you in custody yet.Your prior name is the only one that they know.”

 

“What a selfless act to save yourself.” He would have regretted saying if he had the energy, but for the time being, he didn’t care. 

 

“We’re trying our best to keep it that way, but if your case goes to the Republic… we won’t be able to keep that hidden. The truth of our family's history will threaten them. It won’t be good.”

 

“…”

 

“Ben!”

 

“Mother, are you really surprised that my impending death sentence doesn’t appeal to me?”

 

“I am going to make sure that doesn’t happen.”  


“Oh good, my mother, also of Vader’s lineage, at my defense, surely that will sway judgment! We all know how much the Republic loved you when they first found out about your father!”

 

“Perhaps Rey…”

 

“Do not bring her into this,” he growled, full well knowing Rey, and perhaps her friends, standing by him in court would be his only chance of avoiding capital punishment.But Rey didn’t deserve to have the weight put on her shoulders.He was not her fight. 

 

She huffed and slapped a hand to her forehead, dragging it down the expanse of her face. She tried starting twenty different sentences but abandoned them at the first word.

 

“We’ll talk later.” Leia resigned, and with that, she was gone. Ben flipped onto his back as the lights flickered back off.

 

The usual hours passed, portions were served, and he did everything within his power to not think of this dreaded trial. The new dent in the wall and his bloodied knuckles were proof that it wasn’t working. He didn’t have much value for his own life any longer, but he worried for Rey. Unaware if she knew what his death would do to her, in terms of their connection. Certainly, time would heal all wounds if the Force hadn’t been involved, but this was something far out of their control.

 

That night she was back at his cell. She had been pacing outside for several minutes but her worry made her presence was terribly clear. When she finally came in he had been standing in anticipation a few feet in front of the open door. Her eyes were red and her fists were clenched at her sides. 

 

“Why am I here?” she snapped at him, but it was a question directed at herself. “Why don't I visit on the record like your mother?”As usual, there was an unconscious guard propped up against the wall.

 

“It’s understandable,” he comforted, taking a step forward as she backed herself against the door after it closed behind her.

 

“Is it?” she breathed, looking straight into his chest, “why am I so desperate to prove I should be scared of you... knowing that would break my heart at the same time?”

 

“I don’t know.” But he thought he was starting too.

 

“Tell me we’ll figure this out.”

 

To Ben, it had become clear she had just learned that his trial was coming sooner rather than later. That what they had would end, perhaps, and most likely, permanently.

 

He hadn’t realized how close she had gotten, or maybe how close he had gotten to her. He couldn’t even look at her properly due to her proximity. She was looking down, her hands intertwined over her heart.

 

“We will figure this out,” he said, and she was in his arms before he could finish. He cupped a hand behind her head, holding her against her chest. Holding too tightly but she didn’t seem to mind. She pushed off his chest after a moment but left her hands there.

 

What came next was quick, she was on her toes and her lips were on the outermost corner of his mouth, mostly his cheek at a point. But Ben took advantage of his hand still placed in her hair and when she parted and he turned her back so their lips fully met. He wasn't letting that chance go and they melted into each other. The Force never flourishing more than in that moment. It had become absolutely binding and radiant and nothing would ever compare to it. 

 

She smiled against him with the slightest of hums and he decided there was no better sensation in the world.

 

When they parted from that first kiss, she was frozen on her toes. Foreheads pressed together ignorant bliss. Then with a hitched breath she pushed off him in panic and jumped back.

 

They didn’t know all of their answers yet, and they probably never would, but they did know Rey wasn’t about to surrender. Not to the Republic. Not to the Resistance.Not to anyone. 

 

—

 

The morning light was still hours away by the time Rey landed on her own pillow. Dreading and longing for the days to come. Her eyes closed but the images didn’t stop.

 

Her nightmare was only beginning.

 

It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds before when she was able to open her eyes and see reality clearly again, but it felt like a lifetime.She curled up in her blankets, thinking to herself that it was all a nightmare, but knowing it was a lie.

 

He would die if he stayed here.

 

She flew out of her bed and opened every drawer she had. She threw every necessity she could think of into her canvas bag and the rest into a leather backpack. She swung them both over her shoulders as her mind ran wild. Her body was moving on its own and she gazed out her window to the watchtowers that lined the landing bay as she calculated her next move.

 

—

 

Ben had dozed off when his door slid open, he startled so violently that he nearly fell off of his cot. He clenched at his beating chest from the scare and glared at the woman in the doorway, blinking a few times until he recognized the shape.

 

“Hello,” he said, confusion in is tone.

 

“Ben, they’ve settled on your trial, they are taking you to the Republic.” Rey yelped, dashing to his side, yanking him up from the bed.

 

“They decided at this hour?”

 

“Well, no, but I know,” she stammered in her nervousness, “we just need to leave before that happens!”

 

“Leave the base?” he cocked his head, his low voice pitched up in surprise.

 

“Just… please… everything is set, just come with me!” she grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the cell door.

 

“Do you know how much worse it will be if I leave? There will be no chance for me if we get caught!” He pulled away from her, but he let his hand graze hers on the way down.   


“Then we won’t get caught!” she yelped, nearly scaring herself in her frantic appeal.

 

“Do… do you…why do you care what happens?” He said point blank, unable to dodge those questions any further.

 

“I… I don’t know.” Her voice was shaking as she took a small step towards him. Unsure to reach out or not.

 

“Do you really not know… or are you just afraid of the answer?” because the truth was he knew what her answer was. He’d known for some time, even if she insisted on pretending she didn’t. He’d understood now more than ever just how much better they knew the other than they knew themselves.

 

“Ben, we need to leave!” she pleaded once more, “Please!”

 

“Rey.”

 

A chill ran down her spine at the sound of her own name from his lips. “I’m terrified, alright? That’s why we need to leave.”

 

“You don’t think I’m scared too? That fear won’t just go away. If we run we will always live in fear.”

 

“I rather live in fear than live without you!” she jabbed him with an accusing finger. He quieted as he still waited for his answer. “I care for you,” she murmured. “but it’s different than that, more than that, I can't figure those words, but if that’s what you want to hear, you can have it.” Her eyes glistened with tears from her urgency. “They won’t give you a fair trial, they will have their minds made up the second you walk in!”

 

“There is a chance that could change! But that won’t happen if I run. If we both run!”

 

“Ben, I’ve seen it,” she admitted, pulling at him again, but ending up just pulling herself into his chest. “They’ll kill you,”

 

He had accepted the possibility, even knew it was probable.

 

“I want my life to have you in it.” She nuzzled into the beaten cloth of his prison attire. “I’m not ready to know that won’t happen.”

 

He paused. His arms wrapped around her and his hand weaved itself back into her hair. “Neither am I,” he muttered into her hairline, then pressing a soft kiss into it.

 

“Please,” she begged one last time, and Ben softly pushed her away. He looked around her then back into her eyes.

 

“If this is what you really want, lead the way.”

 

She grabbed his hand and ran, and he stumbled as he started alongside her. As part of Rey’s routine, the prison guards were left unconscious outside of the door, but he didn’t know how far she'd gone to go unseen on this visit. They passed the line of cells before another door hissed and let them into an open office, pitch dark and abandoned in the night shift.

 

She stopped for a brief moment and stroked her thumb against his bruised knuckles as she sensed for the best pathway to go. With a slight hesitation, she picked up her pace again and dragged Ben behind her. Running out the left entryway and across the expanse of the military base, they were completely out in the open.

 

Ben knew that there must have been guards on duty waiting to blast him down, he gazed up at the watch posts to see they had all somehow been abandoned.

 

Or perhaps they were just asleep on the floor of their post.

 

“What did you do?” he grunted at her as she turned them both sharply towards the base’s hangers.

 

“They are all fine!” she retorted with exasperation.

 

Soon the Falcon was in view. Rey pushed Ben in front of her and told him to keep running, to make sure he made it onto the ship.

 

“Listen for me. Leave if you have too,” she said as he failed to listen to instructions, stopping in his path. “Please, just go! I’ll find you!”

 

“What are you doing?” he nearly screamed at her, but she had turned away looking for something to come.

 

“Please, Ben, just make it to the ship, listen for me.” She was much calmer suddenly but stepped towards him to push him forward once more. This time he listened and he headed off to the ship. Rey stilled in her place.

 

“Rey,” a small voice sighed and Rey turned to face it.

 

“Leia.”

 

The woman in her disheveled sleepy state walked towards her. Her hair was down and she was in long cotton sleepwear. She wasn’t panicked when she approached the younger woman, perhaps just a bit disheartened.

 

“What are you doing?” Leia said, looking around Rey to see if her son was still in sight. He was not.

 

“I don’t know,” Rey admitted, “but you know as well as I do they will kill him if he stays!”

 

Leia didn’t try to deny this. She just looked up at the Rey with sadness. Saddened that this happened to her. 

 

“Bad dreams too then,” Leia said with a slight frown, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Well, then you better get him out of here then."

 

“What?”

 

Leia reached into her pocket and pulled out some keys, and a small holopad. “Funnily enough, if you had waited five minutes, I would have been right beside you.” She activated the holopad for a brief moment as an array of access codes flickered on the screen. “Of course, I could have done it without incapacitating so many of my men.”

 

Rey smiled and nearly leaped into the woman’s arms. “Thank you.”

 

“We’ll figure this out, we just need time,” she comforted as they parted ways, “and that won’t happen if you stick around here.”

 

As Rey began to run off, she turned back. “What about you?”

 

“I’ll cover.” She smiled.

 

Rey nodded and dashed towards the ships. Leia smirked. Though she was guilt-ridden for all this girl through had been through on their behalf, she was so thankful that by some miracle they had found her.

 

—

 

“Hello, students and future pilots for the Republic!” a striking young Togruta woman in a New Republic uniform welcomed, banners of Coruscant framing her upon the auditorium stage. “For the next three weeks, you will be immersed in galactic flight. From exploration to battle or its more recreational purposes, we will make sure all of you young pilots leave this camp knowing what calls for you!”

 

The young children that filled the hall all listened with great intent, hanging off every word as this was most of their first experience with independence.

 

But there were two children, placed at either side of the auditorium, who were beaming more brightly than everyone combined.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://inexorably-drawn-to-you.tumblr.com/  
> Monday and Friday Uploads


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The trap begins!

 

“You don’t need to follow me everywhere, Threepio!” Kylin protested as her Grandmother’s protocol droid sauntered mechanically behind her.The camp orientation had let out and he had been trying his best to keep up as she was desperately trying to lose him.

 

“I’m ever so sorry, princess!” he presented, “but your father has insisted that I don’t let you out of my sight during your time away!”

 

“The other kids are going to think I’m weird,”she groaned, already seeing that some of the other children had found friends while she was left being babysat by a machine.“They probably already think I’m weird!” 

 

“Master Ben has insis-“he began to repeat himself once more.

 

“I know, I know,” she sighed as they reached their first destination. 

 

Outside the main atrium, a large wall of bulletin boards had been lined up and her fellow students had started to surround them.Kylin tried her best to blend herself into the oncoming crowd, and somehow ‘misplace’ the droid in the process, but he frantically made sure to never be more than a few steps behind her, even as the other children engulfed them.

 

“Oh my goodness,” he muttered nervously as a small boy shoved passed him, far too eager for common courtesy.

 

After coming much too close for comfort with a dozen or so other campers, Kylin was finally able to spot her name on the long scrolls that had been pinned to the boards. 

 

“Kylin Organa” she whispered under her breath, “Aurek Dorm, Bunk 3”

 

“Organa?”

 

Kylin felt her heart stop as a girl to her side looked upon her.She gazed over for a second then immediately back ahead, not sure how to recognize the fact that she had been acknowledged.

 

“Organa. Like as in Leia Organa?” the voice said again, clearly not picking up on her discomfort. 

 

“Um, she’s my grandmother, yes.” Kylin gained enough composure to say, peaking back in the other girl's direction. She was dark haired, like her, perhaps a little lighter, with slightly tanned skin. 

 

“No way!” She jumped, a huge grin shining on her face. “My great uncle has told me all about her! He fought in the Imperial War with her!”

 

Kylin raised an eyebrow. To be honest, she wasn’t too familiar with her grandmother’s actions in the Imperial War.The woman didn’t like making herself seem like a war hero. Kylin’s father and grandmother alike had been pretty withheld when it came to wartime stories, but this girl beside her seemed to be well versed. 

 

“My name is Chip, well, everyone calls me that, Chip Antilles!” She held out a hand and Kylin hesitated before taking it in a polite handshake.She felt herself smile at the connection before the oncoming mass of campers came forward, separating the two.“Meet me outside the mob!” Chip called out and the two made their way out of the crowd, where Kylin was greeted by a relieved droid before relocating Chip. 

 

“I almost didn’t see you for a second, princess, your father would have been most displeased!” 

 

“Threepio, shush!”She glanced to see her new acquaintance running towards her. “Uh, pretend you aren’t here, turn around or something!” Kylin tried pushing the metal droid but he didn’t budge.

 

“Alas, that wouldn’t be fitting, my optical ports are installed to the front of my body!” Threepio gestured to himself.

 

“Oh cool! A Protocol droid!”Chip proclaimed as she approached the pair.“Is it yours?” She cocked her head while examining the droid in front of her.

 

“Not at all.” Kylin quickly shut the idea down.It wasn’t technically a lie, Threepio had belonged to her Grandmother. 

 

“I actually have quite the list of people I have served!” The robot started, and Kylin coughed as a signal to not ramble on.“But I have been with the Organa family for quite some time.”

 

“No way.” Chip's jaw practically hit the floor, “Are you Protocol Droid C-3P0, as in the same protocol droid that brought the original Death Star plans to the rebellion with Astromech model R2-D2?”

 

Kylin looked over in shock. If Threepio could show expression Kylin was sure he would be looking smugly down at her right now.  _Even Threepio was famous?_

 

“Ah yes, my marvelous counterpart and I have been on many adventures.Most of which have been cleared from our memory logs, so I’ve been told.”Chip laughed at this, and Kylin tried to force herself to chuckle along. She’d heard countless stories from Threepio but hadn’t really processed that any of his tales had made him a recognizable figure. 

 

“My Great Uncle served in the war against the Empire too, his name is Wedge Antilles, he's told me all about the rebellion, I can’t believe I’m meeting a living, well artificially living, legends on the first day here!” 

 

Though Kylin was unfamiliar with the name, Threepio seemed to perk up at it.

 

“Oh my! A War Hero indeed!”

 

“He’ll never let us forget it,” Chip rolled her eyes with a smirk, turning back to Kylin who fidgeted nervously at her lack of knowledge of any of these events.Of course, as if the girl beside her was able to point out Kylin’s insecurity, Chip adds, “you must have the best stories.”

 

With a lump in her throat, Kylin just nodded. 

 

“Which dorm are you in-?” The girl tilted her head with the question and her hair bounced with it, “You said your name was Kylin, right?”

 

“Aurek dorm.”She responded with a quick cough.

 

“Me too!That’s great!”Chip took Kylin by the arm and began to whisk her away towards the dormitories on the opposite side of the campus. “It’s good to meet someone early on!Buddies?”

 

“Um, yeah!” Kylin assured, with the slightest of grins as metal footsteps tried their best to keep up from behind her.She wasn’t sure if she ever had a _buddy_ before. 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

“Found it!” Kira exclaimed as she finally reached her assigned building. A single level stone dorm stood before her, as other unsure looking student began to file in. 

 

Orientation had been a tiresome ordeal, filled with motivational speeches about discovering yourself and learning which path is right for you. All Kira wanted to do was fly, and she didn’t need a lineup of people telling her to follow her dreams to know that.She just wanted to get started as soon as possible.

 

“Is this Cresh dorm?” A girl said as she shyly approached beside her side.She was Pantoran, Kira assumed, by her blue skin and lavender hair.She’d only seen someone from Pantora once on base, but she couldn’t help but envy their appearance.

 

“Yup!Are you in this dorm too?” Kira beamed brightly and the girl looked almost surprised at the confident gesture.

 

“Yes, my name is Teth” She bowed slightly, and her eloquent speech patterns made Kira smile even wider. 

 

“I’m Kira.”

 

Making friends was luckily one of Kira’s strong suits, at least, she’d never come across someone who wasn’t interested in becoming friends, aside from maybe Tag Brance. She rarely was nervous meeting new people her age and couldn’t wait to meet every single person at this camp. 

 

The girls and boys had been separated in four different dorms. The girls in Aurek and Cresh, the boys in Besh and Dorn.The dorm itself was very militaristic in set up, it reminded her of the base in some ways.Hard concrete floors with a line of ten bunks on the right and left sides of the room. The only difference was that these rooms were lined with windows that let in beautiful streams of light, where most on rooms back on base were dark and clammy. 

 

The students of the Academy also lived in these buildings while classes were in session, but had gone home or elsewhere for the summer months.She envied those students and couldn’t wait to be old enough to attend an academy herself.If she were lucky enough to get accepted into the Coruscant program, it would be an absolute dream to be so close to her Uncle Finn, Aunt Rose, and Sam.

 

Transport droids zoomed passed her and the other girls as they delivered luggage to each assigned bunk.Kira examined each bedside carefully to find her own. 

 

“Teth! I found your bed!” Kira called out upon seeing the assignment card.Teth had been doing the same thing on the opposite side of the room. 

 

“Thank you, Miss Kira” She responded peacefully as she set a small bag of belongings on the bunk.“I think I might want to look around the campus before activities get started, would you like to join me?”

 

“I’ll come find you in a bit!” Kira replied, still looking for her assigned spot, two down from Teth she found it, “I want to unpack some!”

 

“I will see you soon then, Miss Kira” and the Pantoran gracefully exited. 

 

Kira didn’t have much with her, she didn’t have too much to begin with. The possessions she had brought had already been delivered to her bunk.She sat next to them and began to shuffle through the items as more girls came in to locate their spots. She immediately pulled out a pillow and a small blanket, and a piece of paper fell out alongside it. 

 

She observed it curiously before picking it up off of the bunk.An envelope. It was addressed to her in her mother’s writing and she slid a finger under the crease of the paper to open it.

 

 

_To my beautiful daughter,_

 

_Words cannot begin to describe how much I will miss you while you are gone.Have fun, be safe, and make new friends. I already cannot wait for you to return so you can tell me about all the adventures you had while you were away. Perhaps, if you would like, I will tell you some of our old adventures.Uncle Finn’s, Poe’s, my own, and your father's._

 

_I hope you know that your father would be so proud of you, and we both love you so much._

 

_One day he will be with us to tell you himself.I promise. You are so brave, smart, and strong, and I know, somehow, he knows it._

 

 

 

She smiled. Something had changed within her mother since her birthday, a gate within her had opened and maybe for one of the first times in a long time her mother wasn’t lying about being happy.

 

“Hey, They are doing flight simulations outside!” One of the girls shouted from the entryway.

 

Kira perked up and set the letter down, glancing at it one last time.At last, this was the time to show her stuff. Growing up on a military base she was surrounded by flight simulators, the kids weren’t supposed to go near them, as they were meant for legitimate training, but her Uncle Poe considered that to be a rule that was meant to be broken. 

 

There had been a few people spectating the simulations already by the time Kira had made it out, and the match had just ended when she pushed her way to the front of the crowd. A human boy from Besh dorm slid out of the pod with disappointment, while a young Twi’Lek girl popped out in a cheery victory. 

 

“Do you have any challengers?”The same Togruta woman who had presented at orientation was standing between the competing pods.She was holding a holopad while addressing the children before her.

 

Kira shot up her hand before anyone even had the chance to put their name in, and the counselor waved her up to the now empty pod. She tossed Kira a rebellion style practice helmet and Kira plopped it onto her head with pride before hopping into the simulator herself.The previous matches victor returned to her same Pod and the simulator doors lowered behind them. 

 

These simulators were advanced, far newer than the ones back home, but the imitation cockpit that surrounded her still had everything in place.

 

Through the internal speakers, the counselor’s voice rang through, “We’re just doing basic N1 Starfighters today. Naboo track.”

 

Perfect. Not that Kira had ever been to Naboo, but those courses were also preloaded onto the simulators back home. She knew Naboo like the back of her hand at this point. 

 

The track loaded and Kira readied herself, shifting her chair ever so slightly so she had the perfect angle. An almost wicked grin spread across her face as the countdown began.

 

3…2…1

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

“How much stuff did you pack?”Chip examined as the final droid rolled away after finishing delivering luggage to Kylin's assigned bed. Threepio clamored politely with the droid at the doorway who had obviously been worn from the deliveries.

 

“Ugh, it wasn’t me, It’s my dad.” Kylin sighed, covering her face with embarrassment. 

 

“I don’t even own that much stuff, let alone need it for a three-week trip!”

 

“He… worries a lot. The only way he’d even let me leave Birren was if I brought Threepio with me.” The two girls looked back at the golden droid who waved at being mentioned.

 

“You are from Birren?” Chip inquired, still gawking at the pile of luggage. 

 

“In a way, my dad and I had traveled a bit before settling on Birren, but I don’t remember it much.My dad’s… in the government,” she said, figuring it was best to avoid the subject of being considered royalty.

 

“What about your mom?” The girl asked innocently, before realizing that if Kylin hadn’t mentioned her yet, perhaps there was a reason.“I’m sorry!” she blurted.

 

“Oh no!” Kylin protested the apology, in fact, she was used to the question.She had often been pestered with it by nosy politicians, hoping that the child may slip up on juicy gossip, but she just had the same rehearsed answer:“We had to leave her behind when I was very young, she’s still alive, but we’re going to find her one day.My father and I.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Chip repeated, “I shouldn’t have asked.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, I promise!” Kylin replied earnestly, “I don’t mind at all, a lot of people ask!”

 

Chip relaxed and wandered over to her own bunk, which was on the opposite wall from Kylin’s.She had two pieces of luggage compared to Kylin’s six, and she started unpacking. throwing clothes into the storage bins underneath the bed.

 

Kylin began to do the same, taking out some of her more casual outfits and putting them away. She pulled out the small jewelry box she had packed on her own accord and unclasped the lock, pulling out the locket inside. She tossed it over her head and with a ‘click’ opened the accessory, looked at the image it held, and once again tried to figure the emotions that filled her when she looked at it. She clasped the locket shut and let it fall against her chest as she continued unpacking.

 

After taking out the essentials:pillows, blankets, undergarments, and a week or so of outfits… Kylin still had four bags to go. Chip had finished long ago and had sat on Kylin’s bed to help her pick which outfits to have on hand, but now she just laughed at the full compartments and her flustered new friend.

 

“I’m going to kill my dad for this.” She frowned, attempting to shove in the storage unit with all her might. 

 

“He sounds funny.” Chip chimed in. 

 

“He is certainly not,”Kylin assured. 

 

A girl from the same dorm came in from outside and stood in the doorway, “They are doing simulations outside!”

 

“Let’s go check it out, Kylin!” Chip exclaimed. 

 

“Yes Princess, I do say, what a marvelous event to go and witness, let us go!” Threepio exclaimed, still diligently alert by Kylin’s bedside. She flinched at the title he called her, but it seemed to go unnoticed.She glared up at the droid, and then back to her overwhelming amount of luggage and smirked.

 

“Actually Threepio, I have four bags of luggage left, and no place to put it, could you help me and find a place to store them?”

 

“Why Princess, I will find a transport droid, I’m afraid my mobility does not make me the ideal candidate for this task.”

 

“But Threepio! These are very sentimental items from my father,” Kylin gave her best sympathetic eyes and Chip snickered as she caught onto this trick, “I would be devastated if anything happened to them, I can assure you my father would be too, and you are the only droid I trust with the job.”

 

“I… I suppose he has reason to have the most faith in me.”

 

“Thank you!” Kylin jumped up and grabbed the first suitcase from the floor.She shoved it in Threepio’s arms who could barely maneuver to hold it properly.Kylin began to push the droid forward out the dorm doors and he stumbled a bit as the terrain changed to outdoors.“Maybe check the main academy campus! I’m sure someone could help!”The droid waddled forward and Kylin waved goodbye before turning back to Chip.“Let’s go!”

 

With a wild dash, the two girls joined the small crowd of campers around the simulator stations that had been set up outside the auditorium building. 

 

A twi’lek boy had just crawled out of his pod after a defeat and the Torgruta counselor gave an impressed laugh as she marked something down in her holopad.

 

“Nice work, dear!” The woman encouraged the racer inside the other simulator.“A new camp record for the course!Really impressive! You are almost at Academy student times!”She turned to address the other spectating kids, “Now who wants to face our undefeated champ!?”

 

Everyone seemed to shy away from the challenge, obviously seeing that they had no chance of winning. They shuffled nervously and looked away, afraid that they may be picked if she didn’t find a volunteer.

 

“I’d like a go,” Kylin piped in just as the counselor seemed to give up on finding a new opponent for the current victor, looking down at the chart. 

 

“Oh yeah?” The woman said with a smile, but not looking up from the holopad, “looks like we have another challenger!” 

 

Chip gave Kylin an encouraging shove and she ran to the front of the small audience that the trial had gained. She grabbed a helmet off of the shelving unit from behind the simulators and slid into the cockpit.

 

She’d felt something at that moment that she had never felt before, and it brought a huge smile to her face. Her fingers brushed alongside the switches and buttons before grasping upon the wheel.The instructor's voice echoed in the simulator chambers as her screen came to life before her.

 

“Alright girls, just a basic N1 Starfighter track, get ready!” 

 

She tightened her grip as the simulation countdown loaded before her.The signal to go flashed up on her screen and in an instant her opponent was already two steps ahead, zooming off in front onto the expanse of the track. Kylin flipped a few switches herself, and she dashed forward slightly but not nearly to the degree she should. Her lack of experience with flight (or simulators) was clear, but she knew enough that she shouldn’t be this far behind.

 

This other girl must have grown up on these things. They both rounded a corner and in that flash, her opponent disappeared from the track, so far ahead at this point that she was out of view. Kylin knew what she was about to do was wrong, but it was all a game, and clearly, this girl had an advantage of some sort, but what she didn’t know was that Kylin had her own advantage too. 

 

Making sure she was on a straight path, she closed her eyes and let a part of her subconscious drift to the pod next to her.She reached into the girl's mind with ease, far more ease than she was used too.Perhaps her force abilities were growing stronger.She could sense the girl's movements and plans as if they were their own and suddenly her opponent was back into view when Kylin reopened her eyes. She focused more and more intently on the imagery of the girl she was racing, what she had known that Kylin hadn’t, and soon enough the race was a dead heat.

 

Then her opponent had faltered, had gotten nervous, was too confident and when her lead had been threatened she faltered and rammed into a rock wall taking a turn too tightly.

 

Kylin swerved in the opposite direction, and while the two were still neck in neck during those final seconds, the word “Victory” flashed across her screen. She had done it. She giggled with a small victorious dance in her pod with a sigh of relief. 

 

A great pride had filled her when she had excelled in those final moments.Kylin jumped out of the simulator and was greeted with polite applause for her victory. The girl she had faced was not so eager to leave her pod but slid out reluctantly, and her disappointment carried through her posture.

 

“Nice race!” Kylin said, boasting a bit, “I’m almost surprised that I won! It was close!” 

 

With one hand she went to remove the helmet covering her face, and she held out the other for a sportsmanlike handshake. The other girl went to remove her own helmet and in that moment all the light applause and chatter had stopped.

 

For the face that looked back at the other was not one of a competitor, it was their own. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading or refreshing :D  
> https://inexorably-drawn-to-you.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for tuning in :D

“Whoa.” 

 

A loud metal clang followed as two helmets fell from the competitors grasps in shock. 

 

“I…I can’t believe it,” Kylin mumbled, words almost intended only for her ears, but they echoed in the others/

 

The equally stunned Kira shook her head, and the expression of awe was wiped from her face. 

 

“Can’t believe what?” She pouted with flared nostrils in her current case of defeat, pretending her hardest to not recognize what her opponent was pointing out. 

 

“Certainly you must see it!” 

 

“See what?” Kira shrugged before really looking again.

 

The two girls instinctively brought their hands to their faces, and a familiar feeling washed over them. Suddenly they became very aware that they were surrounded by a small crowd of people observing them and brought their hands back to their sides.

 

“You have to realize that… we look… exactly alike.”Kylin gazed on, wide-eyed.

 

Kira, had slightly longer, slightly more unkempt hair, but aside from that, it was a mirror image. In their minds, they couldn’t deny that but Kira let her sour mood from her defeat best her. 

 

“I wouldn’t say that.  Your ears are much bigger than mine. But don’t worry, you should grow into them.” Kira crossed her arms as a couple of campers snickered in the crowd. Kylin blushed and slammed her hands against her ears while Kira found herself flinching at her own words.She subconsciously brought her own hands to her temples, making sure her hair had covered her own features.

 

“Girls!” The counselor that had been running the simulation stepped between the two, her Lekku flipping as she turned her head curiously from one side to the other, acknowledging the absurdity of this situation.“This is… rather intriguing.”

 

“I still don’t see it,” Kira lied,growing more and more bitter about her unexplainable defeat.She had just felt a slight headache and then she had lost by a millisecond after being further behind than any of her other competitors.“She must have cheated, counselor Lu’Tek!I just know she did! You saw that match!”

 

“That is not very nice to accuse, Kira, it is very possible that Miss…” she turned to the other raven-haired child, “I’m sorry, I haven’t learned your name quite yet.”

 

“Kylin.Kylin Organa,” she snarled, but not so much at the counselor, but at the sore loser that was shooting daggers with her eyes across from her. 

 

“Oh, of course!” The Organa name had clearly registered with her, and she immediately changed her tone in her presence.“I’m sure Miss Organa here did no cheating of any kind.I am sure, given her family, she has just as much simulator experience as you, Kira.”

 

Kylin fidgeted nervously. Though what she had done wasn’t technically cheating in her mind, she was sure if people knew the truth they would consider it as such.And somehow, not for the first time since she’d arrived on Coruscant, her family’s wartime reputation had served to her benefit, though she couldn’t draw much of a conclusion as to why.Another reminder that everyone seemed to know more about her family than she did. 

 

Kira scoffed again, but the two children couldn’t stop staring.Surely the other must have been different in some ways, but what they each had been experiencing was drastically unsettling. 

 

“Well, I guess we should find a new opponent for our new champ!”Lu’Tek announced, a bit nervously, as she was trying to distract the other campers from the tense situation before her.

 

“New champ? But she cheated!” Kira objected once more.

 

“I did not, you sore loser!” Kylin bit back, taking a step forward.

 

Lu’Tek leaped between them again, this time with her arms out.

 

“Kira, she won fair and square, you will have plenty of time in the simulators over the course of the next couple weeks.Now you can watch some of the other campers, maybe you can learn from them!” 

 

“I-“ Kira wanted to fight, but her chin quivered and her eyes stung, and the last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of all these people on the first day.She leaned to the side once more to look at the girl who was glaring with a screwed up face.With that final glance, she turned around and stormed back towards the dorms.She was filled with a crushing sensation to break down in tears for a reason she couldn’t explain. She was angry, but that wasn’t what was fueling these emotions.

 

Once she made it back to her dorm, Kira flung herself onto her bunk.Though most of the other campers had gone to watch the simulations or the mess hall for dinner, a few girls still lingered.Kira didn’t let that bother her as she screamed with all her strength into her pillow. She flipped over onto her back as her breath ran out and her mind raced.She shouldn’t have lost.That girl didn’t know what she was doing. 

 

Her mind ran through the possibilities of what she had done wrong, but there was no logical way her opponent should have been able to win. But somehow, in a matter of seconds, that girl went from being a complete amateur to being able to surpass Kira’s skill.It was almost like she had gotten inside her head. 

 

Her racing mind stopped there, and her eyes flew open.

 

That girl.She was force sensitive.There was no other explanation for it. Kira felt somewhere within herself that she was right. She’d never met anyone who’d shared that sensitivity, at least to this degree, but an overwhelming rush came over her that was unlike anything she had ever felt before. 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

In the few days to follow, their paths didn’t cross. When it came to classes and simulation assignments it had been organized by dorms and the two had been separated when it came to additional training. 

 

For Kira, she had instructional classes in the morning and simulation core after lunch.She only assumed that the Organa girl had the flipped schedule… but the same instructors, as Kira's proper name was almost never used without correction. 

 

Even through her frustration, she couldn’t help but glance over when other campers passed through the Academy grounds.Sifting through their faces to see if a familiar one was among them. She longed to confront this girl again. She wanted to confirm her suspicions about her abilities.But in each passing crowd, Kira never saw the face of the girl who looked strikingly similar to her.

 

Strange things were only just beginning.Since their first encounter, curious dreams flooded Kira’s mind when night came.She would be in a palace, or at least, it would be what she assumed a palace to look like.There was always an older woman walking about with a younger man standing beside her. The woman was small in stature with graying hair but had a life in her eyes that Kira found comforting. On the opposite side of things, the man that was there towered over them both.He had had thick dark hair, like her's, that rested softly at the base of his neck, but in these dreams, she could never see the man’s eyes, just the scar that ran up his neck and across his face. 

 

She woke up just as the morning alarms began to blare. She rubbed her eyes of sleep and rolled out of her bunk, telling herself that it was the exhaustion from the days of training that caused her mind to create such vivid characters.

 

As Kira headed towards morning instructional with Teth and a few other girls from the dorm, a rapidly approaching metal clang came up behind.

 

“Ah, Princess, I’ve been looking all over for you!” 

 

Kira turned around as a golden protocol droid frantically waddled towards her.Taking a quick glance at her surroundings and the baffled expressions of her peers, it was very clear the droid was coming for her, or someone who looked like her.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t think I know you!”Kira said, as politely as possible.

 

“Why, have you forgotten me already? Parted for mere days and your memories of me have faded?”He was dramatic.“I’m afraid the academy organizers had to put me through some required security screenings after they found me trying to find appropriate storage for your luggage.Apparently I had wandered onto off-limits grounds and they thought of me as a potential spy droid!How exciting!”

 

“I think you are looking for someone else, I’m not who you think I am.”Kira groaned at the realization that this was yet another person… or droid… who had mistaken her for that _fraud_. 

 

The droid twisted his head and computed something. He didn’t seem to believe her. 

 

“You are looking for Kylin, right?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“Not me.”

 

“My lady, I know you don’t find my presence particularly suitable, but I am only doing my duty as instructed by your father, and I must say, I have been doing the most disappointing job thus far and wish to rectify that.”

 

Kira sighed and pulled the hair from her face.Thinking quickly she changed her character and said in a slightly adjusted voice, “you are quite right, I am acting rather spoiled if you can just do me a favor and go tell everyone I’m so sorry for what a spoiled cheater I am… that would be so greatly appreciated!”The girls behind her snickered. 

 

“Well, I-“ The droid started. 

 

“Excuse me, um, Goldie, I must head out to my next round of simulation training.”With two fingers she saluted the humanoid robot and ran off.

 

 

 

—

 

Later that evening, after classes had ended, Kira had been lying in bed reading her mother’s letter once again. She continued to take moments to smile at the new life behind her mother’s writing that she had long since missed.At the sound of light footsteps though, she looked up at the figure who approached her bedside.

 

“Good evening, Miss Kira!”Teth said cheerfully, in her same silken tone.

 

“Hey, Teth.And I told you, you can just call me Kira!”

 

“Oh, sorry! Kira. I have been told they are playing Dejarik over in Aurek dorm.Would you like to go and watch?”The lavender haired girl reported as she looked down upon her.

 

“…Aurek dorm?” Kira’s interests had suddenly been peaked.She sat up quickly and shoved the note inside of her pillowcase. 

 

“Yes! One of the girls brought a portable holo-device with them! It has become a friendly competition between the dorms!”

 

“Sounds perfect.I would love some friendly competition.”Kira grinned as she hopped up from her bed.She took the Pantoran’s arm eagerly and dragged her from the room.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Growing up with a competitive Wookie for an uncle made Dejarik quite easy for Kylin. Reading minds was just another tactical advantage. 

 

She had just won her fifth game when the Aurek dorm door blew open with a loud clash.Her attention was shifted by the noise and she looked up to see a recognizable silhouette standing in the doorway.

 

“Just in time,” Kylin leered at the girl who sauntered towards the game setup, “I was looking forward to beating you again.”

 

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that won’t be happening.”The girls that surrounded the game parted to make room for Kira and she took her place by the opposite side of the board. The room filled with excited whispers.“How about a wager, Organa? I mean, if you are so sure you are going to win,”Kira nudged, maybe a bit too sweetly for her to not have darker intentions. 

 

“What were you thinking?” Kylin returned the coy smile.

 

Dropping a small jingling bag on the table, Kira opened it to reveal a decent amount of credits. 

 

“Credits?I could always use a few more, I mean, if you are offering.” Kylin said with a laugh, starting to stand to retrieve her own emergency stash.She frowned abruptly.“Oh wait, I don't have my credits with me.My protocol droid has them, and he’s recharging on the main campus!”A couple girls in the room laughed at the mention of her droid, but Kylin easily ignored it.

 

“Don’t worry, a rich girl like you has to have something else, right?” Kira leaned in and observed her rivals wardrobe. “That necklace you are wearing, bet that!” she urged, pointing to the charm around her neck.

 

“I… I can’t do that,” Kylin stammered, touching the locket that lay across her heart.“Let’s just play, I don’t want to take your credits anyway, you look like you could use them.”She gestured to Kira’s outfit and the girl slammed her fist on the board.

 

“Well, if you are so sure you are going to win, you have nothing to lose!” Kira pushed once more.

 

She thought for a moment.In a strategy game like this, it was impossible for her to lose.Taking a deep breath to build her confidence she held out her hand and Kira took it to seal the deal as the game flickered to life.

 

The first moves were standard, no need to pry more than she needed too.The characters strutted around the board to be positioned for battle and when the first blow was about to take place, Kylin slipped into her opponents head.

 

She’s going left.Kylin saw the image clearly projected in Kira’s thoughts.

 

She readied her counter move and the monsters shifted once more, but instead of the move Kylin had anticipated from Kira, the exact opposite had happened and the first of her characters were crushed.

 

Glancing up in surprise, she noticed Kira lean back in her seat, teasingly putting her arms behind her head. Kylin grimaced and slipped back into her head. Certainly it had just been a mistake, but with each move that they made it was as if Kira had known Kylin was anticipating what she was doing. 

 

She tried going deeper, even though she knew the warnings of how dangerous that would be, but she was met with something she had never experienced before.Resistance.There was a barrier blocking her opponent's thoughts.A wall.She pushed again and Kira hunched forward as she guided one of her characters to crush another one of Kylin’s. 

 

Nervously she made a wrong move, and two more of her creatures were squashed into a holographic oblivion. She gritted her teeth and took a breath to regain her concentration, slipping in once more but crashing into that same wall.

 

The struggle was becoming painfully clear.Kylin’s brows furrowed, narrowing her focus.She noticed the girl across from her wince slightly behind her smug grin and Kylin retracted. The girl was fighting her and had somehow built a wall around her thoughts.This was surely impossible for someone like her.She looked up to lock eyes with her opponent, who looked slightly more relaxed now that Kylin had pulled back.

 

“I knew it,”Kira whispered, just loud enough for Kylin to hear.She smirked and Kylin retreated.Wide-eyed and bewildered.

 

“You… you too?” She replied, but just as she did Kira went in for the winning move.The final opposing monster on the board being crushed. 

 

The room burst into cheers and pats on the back for the victor.Kira proudly accepted the praise while Kylin just gawked at this girl. There was something about her, more than just her force sensitivity.There was something there. 

 

“You have to hold up your end of the deal, kid.”Kira held out her hand, expecting the reward.

 

Kylin reached behind her neck and unclasped her locket. Shaking as it fell into her hand.Clutching it to her chest one more time, she dropped it in the other girl's hands. Kira slid it into her pants pocket alongside her small satchel of credits.

 

She didn’t say another word, or play another opponent, she just walked out from the room with the crowd of girls from Cresh cheering her on.She had done what she had come to do.Humiliate her.

 

Camp was off to a rough start.

 

—

 

 

 

“She just… makes me so mad!” Kylin released as she and Chip stepped into the mess hall. “Who does she think she is?”

 

“You, I guess?” Chip laughed, but Kylin didn’t appreciate the joke and she scowled.“I mean, she has your hair, your face, and now your jewelry.Come on, my joke was kind of funny.”

 

“My dad gave me that locket, he’s going to kill me for losing it.”

 

The two grabbed their plates and made their way to the cafeteria line, sliding their trays down the metal railings. A tired looking woman behind a short protective glass was scooping portions of slop into bowls and sliding it to the campers who passed by.Kylin took hers with a slight sigh and grabbed another portioned serving from the following counter.

 

“I like a lot of things about Coruscant, but I do miss the food on Birren.” she said, grabbing a handful of utensils after stopping by the last station.

 

“Well, not everything on Coruscant is this mush.” Chip added, following right behind. 

 

“Yeah, I know bu- Ooof!” As Kylin turned to head towards the tables she slammed into another camper who had dashed in front of her. “Hey! Watch where you are going!”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry I…” started the girl as she turned and both of their expressions dropped, “never mind, I’m not.”

 

“Just get out of my way, Kira,” Kylin snarled, ramming her with her shoulder as she passed.

 

“Or what, Organa?” Kira growled back, turning to face Kylin's back as she walked away.

 

“Or I’ll do this.”She grabbed a handful of hot cereal from her plate and slammed it against Kira’s chest, rubbing it into the fibers of her cotton tunic.

 

“Why in this galaxy would you do that?!”Kira shouted, and the cafeteria went silent as all eyes focused on them.

 

“Oh, well you were wearing clean clothes today and I thought you would want to match all of your other outfits.”Kylin lifted her nose proudly into the air.Chip giggled from behind.

 

Not even a second had passed before Kira flipped Kylin’s entire tray into her face. She squealed as heated sauces dripped down her skin and she threw the tray down to the floor. She grabbed a glop of something that was dripping down her and shoved it back in Kira’s face, and just like that a chorus of the phrase “food fight!” rang out from the hall and heaps of slop flew through the air.

 

Hunks of food went flying in every direction, and it was just enough of a distraction for Kylin to grab more ammo. She lifted her hand in the air as a chunk of a slimy sauce covered meat came soaring towards her, and with a flick of her wrist the protein veered off its path and slapped Kira.

 

“Don’t you dare think I don’t know what you did!” Kira snapped as she grabbed a bowl of soup off of the table in front of her and sloshed it against Kylin’s dress. She screamed in surprise as Kira was bombarded by diving bread rolls. 

 

The mess hall was in hysterics, half of the campers in an uproar of laughter and glee, the other half was cowering in fear. 

 

Kira hopped up onto a table, finding every abandoned piece of food she could as ammunition.Kylin scrambled to catch up, and soon the two were leaping from table to table, chasing each other around the room. Kira catapulted the scraps she found and Kylin used the Force to rebound it back.Hoping everyone was still too distracted to notice.

 

“Even in a food fight, you are a cheat!”Kira accused once more, bounding to the next table. She lifted a tray and swung all of the food from it forward, Kylin tried to dodge again but a plate of jam hit her directly in the forehead.

 

Wiping the goop from her face she leaned down and grabbed another food-filled tray from the counter. She readied herself for the throw and launched it with all her might to get it flying full speed. Kira leaped from the table down to the floor and the food soared passed, not even grazing her.

 

At the sound of the commotion the counselors had run into the cafeteria, and just at that moment where Kira dodged Kylin’s final blow, it hit three counselors, including counselor Lu’Tek, square in their faces. 

 

Kylin froze in terror. The whole room silenced as some of the campers tried to make their way to the door to avoid punishment.

 

“You two,” Lu’Tek snapped, her focus narrowed on the troublesome duo. They shyly made their way over to the Togruta, sloshing in spilled food with every guilt-ridden step.

 

The mess covered woman towered over the raven-haired children, and neither of them could move.She pointed to the door with conviction and they left the hall without any further words.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

“Solitary confinement.”

 

“What?!” The two girls shouted in unison, still covered in mess. 

 

“You two obviously have some issues to sort out. This feud between you has been, on more than one occasion, disruptive to the other students, and for what reason? You two happen to look alike? There are trillions of people in our galaxy, it was bound to happen.”

 

In the same time, the girls crossed their arms and looked in the opposite direction.

 

“She cheated.” Kira coughed under her breath.

 

“She’s a sore loser.” Kylin shot back.

 

“You will be removed from your dorms and put into the more supervised housing until further notice.We will be contacting both of your parents-“

 

“No!” They both protested in unison, knowing if that happened they would never be allowed to leave home again. They shot a glance towards each other then back away. 

 

“Please! Don’t do that, give us one more chance!” Kylin pleaded, sheepishly looking down.

 

Lu’Tek hesitated. “Fine.But one more step out of line and both of you are back to your home worlds, understand?” The torgruta frowned at the softened punishment, but she decided to think better of disappointing the Organa family.Her eye’s darted between the two girls.Whichever one was the Organa, that is. 

 

“Thank you, Miss Lu’Tek!” Kira sighed with relief, then leered at Kylin. 

 

“We promise this won’t happen again!” Kylin assured, shooting the glare right back. 

 

As two droids came to escort the girls to their new quarters the Togruta woman fell into her hands and whispered, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://inexorably-drawn-to-you.tumblr.com/


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which we have the stereotypical on the nose chapter because it needed to happen!

The first night Kira and Kylin were separate from the other campers was spent in their new bunks with crossed arms facing the walls opposite each other. The two girls had been put in the professors quarters of the Academy where the counselors and other instructors slept during the youth sessions.They had to be escorted to their new room by service droids and were told those droids would bring them to all further lectures and training until they could prove they could stop causing problems for the other campers.

 

“This is your fault,” Kylin snarled under her breath after the silence between the two became unbearable.

 

“Is not. You cheated,”Kira started before Kylin could even finish.

 

“It’s not cheating.It’s a tactical advantage.”Her father's words, not her own.

 

They both quieted after that.Staring intently at the concrete walls before them. 

 

“You know you can use it to help yourself too, it’s not like I had an unfair edge over you,”Kylin continued in her own stubbornness.Kira didn’t respond.Kylin flipped to face her and jabbed further, “you could have done the exact same thing!It’s why people like us can excel! We could’ve challenged each other.”

 

“Well, I can’t,” She murmured, pulling the blanket up higher.

 

“What do you mean you can’t?"

 

“I mean I don’t know how. I can shield my thoughts but that is it.That’s all I was taught to do.I’ve never met anyone who is Force-sensitive, so I never learned.” 

 

“Really?” Kylin lifted her head, surprised at this information.Kylin had been surrounded by people who were Force-sensitive her whole life. So while she was instructed to keep her abilities hidden, she had no issues picking up small tricks from them.Her father had told her that her mother was Force-sensitive too, but when she asked why they couldn’t find her through the Force like she could sense her Grandmother when she was away, he would always change the subject. 

 

“Nope.”Kira grabbed her pillow out from under her head and tossed it over her face in an attempt to black out the needless conversation.

 

“Sheesh, I was just asking,” Kylin growled.

 

“It’s none of your business,” she mumbled back, muffled from the pillow. 

 

“Fine.” Kylin harrumphed and flopped under her covers.She slammed her eyes shut in a desperate attempt to sleep, but it would not come. When she finally relaxed, a subtle snore began to echo throughout the room.Kylin groaned and flipped her pillow on top of her head.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Princess! Princess!”The familiar panicked call of Kylin’s droid was waiting for her after simulation training had let up.She was a bit dizzy from the day’s courses and her headache immediately worsened. Chip walked beside her and grinned.

 

Kira had already left the room by the time Kylin had awoken that morning, having no interest in interacting more than they already had too.Kylin had no problem with her decision.

 

“Hello, Threepio,” she sighed, not slowing her pace, but letting the droid walk with her as Chip ran ahead.

 

“I nearly had to report back to Birren after I couldn’t find you in the dorms!Thank goodness for Miss Antilles who informed me you had been moved to alternative rooming!” he spouted off, his body making a stiff rapid movement to accentuate his peril.

 

“Don’t worry, Threepio!”Kylin assured. She paused for a moment and looked back at him, “Chip didn’t tell you why I had been moved, did she?”

 

“Oh no, I assumed you were having issues with your sleep cycle.You always have been a light sleeper.” 

 

Kylin was prone to nightmares.Always had been.She’d had to call for her father more times than she would like to admit when it came to these terrors back on Birren, but he’d always sit with her and send her good thoughts until she drifted off again. 

 

“Oh, yes, that was it!” Kylin lied, “It was disturbing the other campers and Miss Lu’Tek thought it would be best that I moved to private quarters for the duration of the session.” 

 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Princess, I’ll be sure to report this to your father for future accommodations.”

 

“No!” she nearly shouted, gathering the attention of a couple campers who were passing by, she blushed then returned in a whisper, “that would just worry him,I’m fine, I promise. He’s so busy, this is the last thing I would want to worry him about.” That was partially true.While her dreams hadn’t plagued her since she’d been on Coruscant, she knew her father often fretted about her nightmares when they did at home.

 

“I… I suppose,” he stammered, knowing he did have a history of panicking when it proved to be unnecessary,“Well, I suppose you better show me where your new rooming is!”

 

She froze. It was the droids job to keep a constant eye on her, but if he discovered the truth about her not-so-solitary confinement, surely that report would make it home to her father in an instant. 

 

“No personal droids allowed!” she sputtered, knowing that her rubbish excuse wouldn’t be acceptable. “I’m in the teacher's dormitories.I’m being plenty looked after.For security reasons they prefer if you only keep your watch on me during the day.” What she would have given for mind tricks to work on droids.

 

“Oh my, I’m being seen as quite the rogue droid as of late,” he almost sounded like he was boasting, “strange how cautious people are of protocol droids these days.I suppose our work has been notoriously tied with bounty hunters, smugglers, thieves, the Hutts…”

 

“Exactly! You can never be too safe these days!” Kylin cut him off. She saw Kira from a distance, walking in tandem with a Pantoran girl. They were walking out of their lecture together and Kira looked up to make brief eye contact.Kylin jumped in front of the robot to draw his synthetic line of sight away from the pair.“Well, Threepio, it was great catching up.I’m going to head to the dorm, then grab some food which… droids don’t eat so no use following me there!”She gave a skittish laugh and looked over at the girls again who had looked to have gone their separate ways as Kira made her way towards the teacher's dorm. “Goodnight, have a nice charge!”Kylin ran off and Threepio obeyed.Turning in the opposite direction toward the Droid stations.

 

She tried calming her breath before catching up with Kira and she groaned as Kylin appeared beside her.

 

“Hey, um, if you ever see my droid…” she said between pants, “Like if he ever thinks you are me, or something, just uh, don’t tell him what happened.Why we got kicked out of the student dormitories, that is.”

 

Kira didn’t respond at first, and Kylin thought she was just pretending not to hear her.“He already thought I was you,” she said after a second.

 

“Did… did you tell him anything?” She grimaced.

 

“No, this was awhile ago, when the camp was first starting.I didn’t have anything to tell him.I told him I wasn’t you, he didn’t believe me, then I pretended to be you.”She had a wicked grin for a moment before her stoic face returned.

 

“Just, for futures, please ignore him! That’s what I do.”

 

“Why do you have a protocol droid here if you aren’t going to use it anyway?” Kira said with earnest curiosity as they reached the automatic doors for their new housing. Despite their new arrangement being an attempt at punishment, the accommodations were much nicer.

 

“Ugh, you think I wanted him here? My stupid dad made me bring him,”Kylin groaned in response, feeling slightly bad for Threepio all the same.She turned her head towards Kira and continued, “he’s super overprotective.”

 

“The droid or your dad?”

 

“Both,” she said upon the realization.Kira slid the keycard into their new door and it slid open.“Everyone.My grandmother is just as paranoid. They don’t trust me with anything.”She collapsed onto her bed when they walked in, face first into her pillow.

 

“What about your mum?”

 

Kylin turned her head to face Kira who had made herself comfortable on her own bunk. “I’ll let you know,” Kylin laughed and Kira raised a brow at her strange response, “I’ve never met her.Well, I have I suppose, but it was a long time ago.”

 

Kira’s face reddened from embarrassment,“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

 

“It’s okay,I promise.A lot of people ask about it.Most people have two parents.”

 

Kira became quiet, and leaned up from her bed to hunch over on her knees, "I shouldn’t have assumed, though.” Kira wanted to admit something, it was clear by the way she kept moving her mouth with no words coming out, and she took a deep breath.“I don’t remember my Dad.”

 

“Did… did he pass away?”

 

“No, at least I don’t think so,” Kira scratched her head, “My mum almost never talks about him, she said he’s still alive, but she’s always really sad when she talks about him.” 

 

“It’s almost the opposite with me,”Kylin sprung up.“My father is happiest when he talks about my mother, he talks about her whenever he gets the chance.”

 

Kira grinned at the sweetness of Kylin’s story, “that sounds really nice.” 

 

“It’s embarrassing sometimes.”She looked over at Kira’s subtle smirk.“But it’s nice, knowing one day we are going to have her back.”

 

“I don’t know anything about my Dad.” Her expression faded a bit. “I know that he’s tall,and that’s about it.” Kira laughed at how pathetic that must have sounded and continued, “it just must be nice to know all about your mum!”

 

Kylin nodded to herself. Though, to be honest, she never really learned that much.Her father’s comments about her mother had always been rather vague. They could have applied to anyone.She was smart, brave, beautiful, and a million other pleasing qualities, but she knew nothing about the woman herself.She didn’t know her name, where she was from, what her favorite color was, and these were the things she wanted to know. 

 

The two stewed in silence for awhile until Kira stood from her bed and sauntered over to Kylin. 

 

“Are you hungry?” she asked, “Want to go get some food? I heard they were serving Banja Cake, it's-”

 

"-My favorite!" The girls finished in unison. 

 

Kylin hopped onto the floor and the two stared for a moment, still not quite used to the sight of the other.But instead of their usual glares, they exchanged toothy smiles, peppered with light chuckles. 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

The girls’ paths didn’t cross during the day. For the most part, they never had aside from the occasional sighting from the distance.Kira tapped her pen tirelessly during lecture as the minutes passed by. Usually, she took great interest in learning about all aspects of flight, but something was distracting her today. Something she wasn’t quite even aware of. The instructor's words blurred together until it was nothing more than a low incomprehensible mumble.She needed to focus.She audibly groaned at her own inattentiveness and Teth looked over.

 

“Are you alright?” she asked in a soft whisper.

 

Kira nodded and continued to tap her pen.Her head pounded. She dropped her pen and brought her hands to her temples and slammed her eyes shut.It was loud and her ears thrummed.The bell rang as an answered prayer and Kira fled from the classroom without saying anything.

 

She stumbled clumsily out onto the campus as she leaned against everything she passed to help hold her up.Wanting to avoid unwanted attention, she tried her best to stay ahead of the other campers who were being let out of their sessions, but she could hear concerned whispers from behind as she nearly tripped over herself more than once.

 

When at last she reached the professor's dormitories things quieted, everything still felt raw but at the very least she could stand. She wobbled down the hall and slid in her keycard to a thankfully empty room as Kylin hadn’t returned. Kira just wanted to collapse. She made her way over to her bed and landed face first into her pillow, her nose hitting something sharp.Burying her hand into the pillowcase to find whatever object was hitting her she pulled out Kylin’s locket, the one she had won playing Dejarik. She fiddled with it for a bit, admiring it,particularly entranced by the strange design on the front.Kira heard a noise from the hallway and she shoved the locket back in her pillow. Kylin appeared in the doorway, not looking much better than Kira.

 

She was suffering a similar affliction.Simulation training had been a bit of a nuisance as they were now on more difficult courses.Kylin strolled over to her own bed and collapsed on it, nursing her headache by massaging her neck.

 

“Simulations are getting tougher,” she murmured, unsure she was going to get a response.

 

“Eh, they're not that bad if you actually know what you are doing.”

 

Kylin looked over at the veiled insult but saw Kira laughing, not coming from a place of malice.

 

“Shut up,” she laughed back.“I’ll admit it, I shouldn’t have cheated that first day, now they all think I’m really good at this stuff. I can’t keep up.”

 

Kira perked up at these words. “So you confessed it! You cheated!”

 

“I still don’t consider it cheating when it comes to actual practice... but I guess in a simulation it was kind of unfair.”She ran her fingers through her hair awkwardly.“So, I guess I’m sorry.”

 

“Really?” Kira said sincerely, and Kylin nodded. 

 

Kira reached into her pillowcase and pulled something out.Something that was too small for Kylin to make out from across the room and Kira walked over to lightly nudge Kylin’s bed to get her to sit up.

 

“Here,”she said, looking shyly at the floor.She held a closed fist in front of her and Kylin brought her open-faced palm below it.Kira dropped what she had and it landed in Kylin’s hand with a pleasant jingle.

 

“My… locket?”

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taken that from you.”Kira still looked down, slightly ashamed.

 

“You won it fair and square… fairer than my victory,” Kylin admitted, but she was already wrapping the locket around her neck.“But, thank you.”

 

“Can I ask… what is the symbol on the front?” Kira reached forward and poked the trinket and it bounced against Kylin’s chest.

 

“It’s a symbol of the light side,”she attempted to sound scholarly, even though she knew no further information than that. 

 

“Oh, that seems important!” her interest was piqued as she knelt in front of Kylin’s bed, awaiting more of a story. 

 

“Oh yeah, it is,” Kylin’s voice weakened slightly, for while the Jedi Order and the Force had held its place in her family’s history, that is not why this locket was important to her. “It’s also the only photo I have of my mother,” she added, almost intended for it to go unheard. 

 

A loud throb rang in Kira’s mind.Kylin had winced at the same time, somehow sensing it too.A question troubled Kira and it bubbled over.Something within her caused a lapse in self-control and she spoke without thinking, “can I see?”

 

Kylin’s eyes grew wide at the question, and an aura of hesitation surrounded her.There certainly shouldn’t be an issue with showing her, but the idea was strangely terrifying.She fiddled with the locket in her hands and in her fumbling the locket clicked open. She kept the image to herself briefly, admiring it for a time, seeing the similarities of not only herself and this woman but the girl in front of her. 

 

She turned the image around and Kira leaned forward.Her eyes glazed over instantly, but otherwise, she showed no expression.Her mouth folded in on itself repeatedly and she blinked a few times.Refocusing on the image as she felt her chin begin to quiver.Kylin’s hands began to shake as she continued to display the locket and Kira reached out to steady her, still without words.They were avoiding each other’s gaze like an illness, unsure what a look would reveal.

 

It was undoubtedly her, Kira had never been so sure of something.The image, while small, left little for misinterpretation. The dark brown hair that had been pulled back tightly, a few loose tendrils that framed her face, sharp but hooded eyes that appeared to almost close when she smiled, the freckles, her nose, there was nothing to confuse.

 

“Kylin, are you sure that's your mum?” her voice was small and soft.

 

Kylin nodded. 

 

“...Did you think it was strange that you’ve never met your mum.”

 

Kylin nodded again.

 

The truth was, in a way, they must have known. 

 

“Your mum.” Kira pointed at the photo again, choking on her own words, tears pooling in her eyes. “That’s my mum too.”When those words left her lips the tears fell onto her cheeks.Kylin was frozen in place, still processing those words as they echoed within her.Kira leaped up and wrapped her arms around Kylin’s neck in her still petrified state, but she felt tears welling in her own eyes.Kira squeezed so tightly that Kylin coughed, finally freeing her body. 

 

“I can’t believe it,” Kira continued, even though she had never believed anything more in her life, “you’re my sister… we… we’re sisters! Real sisters!” She was somewhere between laughing and crying, still locked in their embrace.

 

“I think…we’re… twins.” Kylin was finally about to choke out, as all the pieces came together.They pulled apart to look at each other.Really look at each other. Kylin released the locket from her grasp after she closed it, and wiped her face with her sleeve. Both of their faces blotchy from their open weeping. 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

If they had been distracted before, it was nothing compared to the days ahead. Every lecture and simulation session that followed dragged on until the bell released them.Both girls would rush through their meals and run off as soon as they were allowed, spending their evenings hidden away talking about everything they’ve missed from the past years. 

 

From every scrape on the knee to every birthday, no detail was too small to be uninteresting.Losing sleep rapidly as there was no time to lose, talking into the night with only the light of the moon to go by.

 

“So, are you really a princess?”

 

Kylin flopped dramatically on her bed to face her Kira. “I guess.”

 

“You guess?” Kira laughed.

 

They were both almost sure the sun was about to appear on the horizon, but each time they almost drifted asleep, another much needed to be answered question would come to mind.

 

“We live in a really nice house, all the politicians live in the same area.”She took a moment to think, she didn’t really know what her father did when it came to politics, but he had told her he was more of a figurehead than a decision maker.“Grandmother was a princess on Alderaan, her home was destroyed but some of its people colonized Birren so her title stood and was passed down.” 

 

“I wonder if that makes me a princess too…” Kira realized with wide eyes.

 

“I don’t see why not!You and mother could come live with us on Birren!” She suggested as if Kira could make that decision.“We could all be together again!”

 

“What’s it like on Birren?”

 

“I wouldn’t know, I almost never leave the grounds.” Kylin snarled, “I have a private tutor who comes when schooling is in session, and there are banquets for the politicians every other month or so… we have a nice garden which would be fun to play in if… well if anyone wanted too.”

 

“Don’t you have friends?”

 

Kylin pouted, “I don’t see other kids very often.Just a bunch of senators and rich people who want to impress my Father.”Her mind crossed Clara Sindain and she snarled to herself, “and a horrible woman who just wants Father’s title.” Kira looked concerned for a moment but Kylin clarified, “My dad hates her as much as I do,” but she quickly changed the subject, “what’s it like where you live?”

 

“Mum and I live on Lothal!There’s a military base there that we stay at…”

 

“Sounds exciting!” Kylin beamed, figuring a military base meant there was constant action in Kira’s life.

 

“Not really, it’s quiet, mum fixes ships that pass through on supply runs.” She shrugged, and Kylin seemed slightly less enthused.“But I have a lot of friends there!A lot of military families live on base since it’s so quiet after the war ended.”

 

“That must be nice,” Kylin sighed, looking down at her hands.While she loved the company of her Father and her grandmother when she was around, it wasn’t the same as having actual friends.It wasn't the same as this.

 

“I have my Uncle Poe and Finn and Aunt Rose,” Kira rambled on, “and my best friend Sam! But Uncle Finn, Aunt Rose, and Sam don’t live on Lothal, they travel a lot, but right now they actually live here on Coruscant!”

 

“Mom has brothers and sisters?” Kylin exclaimed for she knew that her Father had been an only child. 

 

“Oh, well, no,” Kira said, “they are Mum’s best friends! They are like her siblings, but not actually.”

 

That concept intrigued Kylin.The concept that you can build a family around friendship.She had only ever known family to mean where you came from.“That sounds really nice!”

 

“It is.” She said dreamily, thinking about her makeshift family back on Lothal. 

 

“Can you tell me something about her?” Kylin said, “Mom that is.”

 

“What do you want to know?” Kira smiled, cracking her knuckles in anticipation.

 

“… what’s her name?”

 

“Rey.” She replied.Then upon realizing she didn’t know the other half of that question she asked, “What’s Father's?”

 

“Ben.”

 

Everything was so absurd but the most right they had ever felt. Then something crossed Kylin’s mind, “you said you didn’t know anyone who was force sensitive,” she said, suddenly confused by the conflicting information she had been told.

 

“I don’t.”

 

“But Mom’s force sensitive,”Kylin explained as if she had known her.

 

“She’s not,” Kira said point blank. 

 

“Father told me she was…” confused by her father's lie she trailed off.“Who taught you how to keep people out of you head?”

 

“Mum explained it to me, but I supposed I never had practice until I met you.Mum said she’d known people who were like me, so she knew how to explain it.”

 

They turned to look at each other.There was still so much to learn and time was running out. 

 

“…What do we do now, Kira?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Camps almost over, we can’t just pretend we never met! Surely we have to tell them!”

 

“They kept it from us, though,” Kira said, a slight bitterness in her voice, “there is a reason why we didn’t know, there must be.”

 

“But I want to see Mom, and I know you want to see Dad, and surely…” she paused, “you want us to be together too.”

 

“I do,” Kira murmured, “but to keep such a huge thing secret, there must be a reason.I know mum wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t important!”

 

Kylin thought.She thought of her family and their suspicious silence when certain topics arose and she felt a sudden hit of guilt, “I suppose.”

 

“But…what if…” she paused, knowing how crazy she was about to sound, “what if when camp ends…we switch?”

 

Kylin’s jaw could have hit the floor at the suggestion. “Like, switch places?” she gasped when she could gather enough composure, and Kira nodded violently. After the words had sunken in she started to laugh with a nervous conviction. “There is no way that would work!”

 

“Kylin, think about it!” Kira began to pace the room, waving her hands wildly alongside her running mind, “can we really go back to the way things were before?”

 

“I- no,” she resided, eyes darting from side to side as she watched her sister.“I don’t want things to go back. Not at all!”

 

Even though they had only known the truth about each other for a small period of time it seemed impossible.They both wanted so many more answers to why things ended up this way. Why their parents had gone to these great lengths to keep this secret.

 

“I just want to meet him,” Kira slowed her pace, and she held her own hand, “and grandmother, and…all of them.”She looked back at Kylin with glossy eyes. Her nose twitched.“Surely you want to know about mum, right?”

 

A pain shot through Kylin’s heart.Of course, she did.More than anything.She’d spent her life walking the line between longing for her mother and resenting her,knowing this resentment only came from the unanswered questions surrounding her absence. She wanted to know her more than anything. “I do.”

 

“Then let’s do it!” Kira ran to her sister's side, leaning down to look her in the eye.“No one will ever know!”

 

“Father will figure it out the moment he looks at you.”Kylin shook her head.“He’s a human lie detector.”

 

“I can keep him out of my head!And you even said he doesn’t use the force with you.”

 

“He can just tell, Kira!” Kylin yelped, but then she stopped.She thought of the possibilities of what this could lead too.If her father found out that they had switched maybe things could change.What was the worst that could happen if they were found out?

 

“Please Kylin,” she pleaded, “I want to know them.  I want to know my family.”

 

Kylin was still lost in thought. She bit her lip and looked out their dorm window at the dark skies and pondered the space beyond it. “Okay.”

 

“Really?” She leaped up straight.A new light in her eyes. 

 

“We have a lot to do if we are going to pull this off.”Kylin began to smile as well, thinking of the days to come. 

 

“We have to cut your hair.”

 

“You will have to change your accent!”

 

They spurted ideas rapidly a fit of laughter at their own surprise.They grabbed the others hands and swung around in a half circle as the sun peeked over the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://inexorably-drawn-to-you.tumblr.com/  
> Thanks, guys!


	8. A Long Time Ago Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ten-ish Years Ago.

** 10 Years Prior **

 

They had landed on Naboo.Ben had set their coordinates before Rey had even made it back to the ship the night they had escaped the base.The morning sun was just peeking over the horizon as they landed in the full field, and the two walked down the Falcon’s dock, exhausted from a sleepless night.

 

“Naboo?” Rey murmured as she gazed into the open meadow.A gorgeous meadow that was valleyed by mountains and waterfalls.It was one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen, but the planet wasn’t necessarily low-key for people trying to run or hide.

 

“My family owns property here,” he said, deep and without further explanation.He began to outstep Rey and she stopped at the ship's base, watching to see if he would notice.He was almost ten meters ahead before he realized he was alone. “What’s wrong?” he shouted across the distance.

 

“Are you just leaving the ship here?” Rey said, motioning to the freighter that framed her.

 

“…Yes?” he said with a crooked eyebrow, unsure why his answer had displeased her.

 

“We can’t just leave it!”

 

Ben began to walk back towards her, pinching the bridge of his nose.“It’ll be safe, I promise.”When he finally reached his companion, he put an arm around her back and began to pull her forward. "Safer here than a formal landing bay, plus, my family owns this land too.The house is just over the hills.”

 

Rey blinked. “You could have started off with that, you know.”

 

He chuckled, and Rey’s heart thrummed.She cursed herself for enjoying the sound as much as she did, but when he was happy, something lit up in her as well.Their bond was both mystical and horrifying in that way.With each passing day, they had been becoming more and more of a reflection of the other, and she feared to forget who she really was or how she really felt. 

 

“What happened to your adventurous side?” he said, with a quick ruffle to the top of her head as they started up to the hilltop. 

 

“The last two years,” she growled as she swatted his hand away, “I’m doing this for you, so don’t patronize me about being paranoid sometimes.”

 

He listened and quieted after that, which was his silent appreciation for her actions.His hand rested on the small of her back as they walked on, but he moved it when she adjusted the bag on her shoulder.

 

She’d made a mistake kissing him back then; she knew she did. Confusion and desperation fueled her actions, and she knew their relationship could never be _that_. She couldn’t let herself explore that option, not now.‘Not ever,’ she reminded herself. Rey could finally admit that she wanted him in her life, that something about their bond had tied them together until they rejoined the Force itself, but that is all they could be.Given their circumstances, it would be too much, too hard, to allow themselves anything more.

 

Ben's pace was beginning to slow, and he soon found himself winded enough that he needed to break to lean against a sturdy tree, grasping at its branches to hold himself up.

 

“You can’t even make it up a measly hill and you are questioning me about my adventurous side?” Rey turned her head to face him, but she continued to stride forward.

 

“You try sitting in a jail cell for half a standard year, you might be surprised with how much endurance you lose,” he snapped between pants and Rey laughed at him.

 

“Come on, you big lug.” She returned to him and placed her hands on his back and that familiar warmth filled her but she shook it off as she began to push him.“We’re almost there! Just over the hill right?”

 

“You are lucky nobody is here to see this,” he snarled, a bit more playfully as he made a few steps forward at Rey’s persistence.

 

“Or what? Were you going to fight me? You can’t even make it up a hill, I’m pretty sure I would win,”she joked along, only a few more steps until they had reached the top.

 

“I still weigh more than you and I’ve got the higher ground.”He turned his neck to her with a smirk and Rey was beginning to struggle to hold him as he placed more of his weight backward.

 

“Ben, I’m going to drop you,” she forced out as he continued to lean back, “I’m going to let you roll down this hill and you are going to have to walk back up it over again!”

 

Just as they reached the hilltop Ben’s legs ‘gave out’ and he collapsed, taking Rey along with him.She landed softly on her back in the long grass of the hill with a menacing scowl at the man that had fallen halfway on top on her.He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at her with a grin, his thick raven hair falling in front of his face.

 

“Get off!” She mumbled as she pressed her fists against his chest.As he shifted the blue skies of Naboo revealed itself to her and with it framed by the tall grass... it was all quite serene.She bathed in the sunlight for a few moments before looking over at Ben who was still facing her, squinting slightly at the harsh sunlight.“I'm glad you get to be out in the open again,” she said in an almost whisper, more of a thought.

 

He raised an eyebrow curiously, then his expression faded into something more contented, “good.”His eyes lingered on hers, darting slightly to the other features of her face.He rolled from his back onto his shoulder and soon he reaching a dangerous proximity that made Rey immediately sit up. She gazed down the side of the hill that they would soon descend and she spotted the home that Ben must have been referring too. It was the only residence that she could see, even with her elevation.

 

While green shrubbery had hidden most of the home from view,what she could make out was beautiful.Colorful and bright, reminiscent of a palace, sitting quietly on the edge of a massive lake that must have circled the hills for miles.

 

“Is that the house?” Rey squeaked as Ben sat up next to her.He hummed in assurance and Rey gawked, “It’s beautiful.”

 

“It belonged to my Grandmother’s family,” he started, “we used to come here when I was younger, not often, but enough.”

 

“What are we waiting for?” Rey bounced to her feet and stretched out slightly. “Let’s go, I could use a nap!”She held out her hand to help Ben up and he took it with no hesitation.When he rose he was inches from her, their hands still entwined between their chests.

 

With his free hand, Ben swept a stray hair that had fallen out of place during their fall from Rey’s face and he used this as an opportunity to cup the back of her head, his calloused fingers running smoothly through her tied back hair.He leaned down with soft eyes and hovered over her mouth, waiting for her.

 

She froze.Wide-eyed and confused.She had to tell Ben that this couldn’t work for them, that she’d made a mistake in kissing him before and it shouldn’t continue like that.She needed to tell him that, and yet she wouldn’t move or back away.

 

But he did.“I’m sorry,” he muttered after sensing Rey's discomfort, he dropped her hand and dug it into his hair while walking passed her to start towards the house.

 

“Don’t be,” she said back, face glowing red.The silence became unbearable. She didn’t owe him an explanation, but she tried reasoning for herself,“I just think... we are both confused, existing like we do, so conscious of the other, it’s hard to differentiate feelings sometimes.”

 

“Confused?” he responded after a pause.Ben knew confusion, and this certainly wasn’t it.Fear was the much more prominent factor, that was clear. 

 

She trotted down the hill to catch up to him as he was desperately trying to stay a few steps ahead knowing his face couldn’t hide emotions well.

 

“I just think it’s a boundary that’s best. We need rules.”

 

He didn’t respond.

 

“With our connection, I think it's easy to think we should make more of it.  But your mother and Luke shared a similar connection,” she started, “and certainly they didn’t-“

 

“I’m going to stop you before you finish that sentence,” She'd caught up to see the corners of his mouth raise and he let out a sharp snort.

 

“Why?” She was beginning to sound annoyed.

 

“Did you know that my mother and my uncle were separated at birth?That they didn’t know about each other until their twenties?” Ben peeked over at Rey who watched him bemusedly.She shook her head and Ben continued, “Well, I’ve got a funny story.” 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

He waved his hand in front of the locked door and it clicked open.Rey still slightly in shock from the enlightenment of Ben’s family history. The door swung open and Rey gasped at the sight.

 

It was a palace. That was easy enough to tell from the outside, but the interior was just as stunning. The golden exterior echoed on the inner decor while elaborate art and sculptures lined the halls.The home was filled with colors Rey had never seen in any living space.From the dusty Jakku to every ship or base she’d slept in, she’d only known metal or concrete trappings.

 

“This was your house?” she exclaimed as she stepped into the open foyer.The furniture was covered in a light dust, but otherwise, everything looked in place.

 

“Vacation house,” he corrected.“It belonged to my mother’s biological family.”

 

“It’s like a castle.”

 

“It is, I guess,” Ben said as he followed Rey down the halls as she ran into every room, “My grandmother was a Queen, well, both of them actually, the adoptive and biological.”

 

Rey appeared out of a small den and stared at him in awe.She supposed she knew Leia had once been a princess, as every so often people would slip and call her by that title, but it never really occurred to her how far that royalty stood.

 

“Is this your way to try to convince me you are a prince?” she said snobbily with a cocky eyebrow.

 

“Well, you can assume that,” he walked passed her and nudged her playfully as he did. “Rooms are this way.” Rey followed a few steps behind, distracting herself with the architecture.

 

They walked up a wide staircase to one of the houses expansions.They passed room upon room and Rey wasn’t sure how anyone could ever use this much space.As they reached the end of the hall, Ben extended his hand in a presenting fashion.

 

“You can sleep here,” he said as Rey opened the door herself.She set her bag at the doorway and gazed at the sight as she stood in the center of new temporary accommodations.

 

There was a large window that faced the lake that lit the golden yellow interior. The curtains and bedding were made of maroon silk that brought a splash of warmth to the room.The bed itself was the largest Rey had ever seen and she couldn’t imagine ever needing that much room to sleep.

 

“I’ll just be a few rooms down the hall.”He pointed backward, and Rey turned to face him.

 

“You… you aren’t going to stay with me?” She asked without thinking.

 

“If I recall, you mentioned _rules_.”

 

“Well, yes, but this is different,” Rey started without having a real reason why, “If something were to happen, if someone were to find us in the night, it would be better for us to be together if we had to leave urgently.”She did have a point after all.“Plus the room is plenty big, larger than any room on the Falcon for that matter, not to mention your cell.”

 

His nose twitched and Rey feared she’d gone too far.He shrugged it off and flopped down on the bed, inching his way to the top.Taking no time to make himself at home.

 

“Fine,” he said casually with a touch of smugness.He grabbed a pillow to fluff it and as soon as he did he was met with a puff of dust.

 

“Maybe we should wash those first,” Rey suggested.

 

“We haven't slept in well over a day and I haven’t slept in a bed that has fit me in a year,” he started, tucking himself in.“I”m sleeping.”

 

Rey supposed she’d slept in worse conditions, way worse conditions, and a little dust could be something to worry about in a few hours.She grabbed the Holopad from her bag and set it on the bedside table as she crawled into the bed alongside him.He’d flipped to face the wall opposite her leaving a good four feet between them.She knew she’d have to message Leia soon, but Rey would worry about that later as her mental and physical exhaustion bested her and she drifted to sleep.

 

 

 

— 

 

 

 

In the days to come, things became routine quite quickly.Perhaps too quickly.

 

There was a working speeder in one of the home’s garages, and Rey was easily able to run into the nearest towns to grab supplies without anyone even beginning to look at her twice.

 

She had been adapted to life on Jakku where strangers were immediately pointed out, but in a place as populated and bustling as Naboo, there was no way everyone could know each other.While their credits had been limited, local pawn shops served beneficial when it came to their temporary homes plethora of seemingly useless collectibles. Rey had felt some guilt about some of her exchanges, but both Leia and Ben encouraged the trades given the situation.

 

Leia had informed Rey of the events that transpired back on the base a few hours into their first day.She had announced to them that her son had successfully escaped from his cell and that Rey had left to find him, knowing that with her Force-sensitivity and connection she would be the person most suited to track him. She shied away from further details, knowing her cover had made her son seem more dangerous than he was, but both Ben and Leia agreed to keep Rey out as an accomplice.Rey, selfishly, knew this was for the best, but that fact weighed on her.

 

She had just returned to the lake house after a run into town when she;d spotted Ben.He had been sitting on the lake's dock, bare-chested with a towel wrapped around his shoulders as the sun dried his skin after an afternoon swim. Rey watched him for a second, and it was the first time she'd noticed how much weight he’d lost since the war passed.She observed how his ribs were more prominent and his waist and arms were much thinner than they once had been, and it was a strange sight to see.

 

Without the muscle mass, for whatever reason, the scars on his skin only seemed that much deeper.

 

Rey, with the supply bags swung over her shoulders, walked down to where he sat and stood behind him.

 

“I’ve got some food if you feel like cooking,” she said, and he looked back.He was breathing heavy and his eyes were red.

 

“Oh, of course,” he muttered, “I’ll meet you up at the house, I’m just going to do one more lap.”

 

“You’ve worked enough today,” she tried to comfort but he ignored her completely as he slid back into the water after chucking the towel off his shoulders.“I’m not as much asking you to make food for yourself, I’m hungry too,” she joked, but not really.

 

“You can make something while you wait,” he suggested, holding himself up on the dock.

 

Rey wasn’t much of a chef.If it involved more than ‘pouring water on it,' chances are she wouldn’t succeed.“I’ll wait,” she said as she sat where Ben had just been.

 

“Are you going to watch me?” he said with some apprehension.

 

“May as well, you can help carry the bags back up to the house when you have finished.” She placed her chin in her hands and stared expectantly.

 

“You should do this sometime, the water’s quite great,” He let go of the dock and disappeared under the surface for a moment before popping back up, his hair plastered to his face.

 

Rey looked at him before just stating, “I'm still not the strongest of swimmers.”They both exchanged an awkward glance before Ben dove under again and took off along the shoreline.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

She liked watching him cook.She found the whole process of it fascinating, but she doubted she would ever attain the patience to learn the skill herself.The uncooked ingredients were too tempting on their own and Ben would slap her hand away every time she’d learn over the counter to grab something off the cutting board.

 

“I swear it will taste better once it’s all put together,” he said as he slid the tray away from her.She pouted at him but she could tell he was laughing. He began stirring a pot with one hand and then slowly lifted his other as some chopped vegetables floated towards the stove and fell into the pot.

 

“Ugh...” Rey scoffed at the sight with the largest eye roll she could muster.

 

“Impressed?”

 

“Not in the slightest.” But just then a piece of fruit floated to that tabletop in front of her, she grabbed it without question and sunk her teeth into it. “Okay, slightly more impressed,” she said with a mouthful. She would never be a decent cook, and she would never be a dignified eater. 

 

“Did anything exciting happen when you were in town today?” He asked, turning away from the stove, and Rey was still getting used to such casual small talk with him.She almost felt guilty when they weren’t talking about the war, what was happening on base, or the future tasks at hand.

 

“Um, I saw an old woman steal a power converter,” she hummed as a chunk of fruit fell from her mouth.She hoped Ben didn’t notice, but the way he leaned over and brushed the bit off her chin with his thumb proved otherwise.

 

“Sounds riveting,” he said slowly, quite openly staring at her bottom lip.

 

“It wasn’t, no one noticed,” she swallowed audibly and his hand dropped.

 

“You didn’t say anything?”

 

“I’m not quite in a position to make police reports,” she laughed nervously.

 

“I guess not,” and he turned back towards the steaming pot, and her heart continued to betray her.

 

 

 

—

 

 

Most mornings Ben was already out of the room when Rey woke.He’d usually been running, swimming, or climbing the hills and would come back dripping in sweat heading straight for the fresher.So, Rey was slightly surprised to see him the next morning in one of the lounge areas, looking quite ill over the Holopad.The image of his mother flickering in the blue light.Leia calling wasn't out of the ordinary, but for a call to take place without Rey's presence concerned her.She hid outside the door and listened.

 

“Ben, the sooner this happens, the sooner things may get better.”

 

“Or the sooner everything may get worse,” he bit back.

 

“I see you've gotten quite comfortable, but this world you're living is in imaginary, my son,” her tone softened.“We’re all going to have to face it, and the sooner, the better.Especially for Rey.”

 

He didn’t argue.

 

“I’ll let you know when I’m coming to Varykino,” she finished and the image flipped off.

 

“Varykino?” Rey said, and Ben jumped up.Apparently distracted enough that he didn’t even think about sensing her.

 

“ That’s what the house is called,” he mumbled.

 

“Leia is coming?” Rey asked as she joined him on the couch, sounding hopeful.

 

“Not yet, but soon,”he went on, not sharing her same enthusiasm, “she’s working with Resistance Council on some plea or bargain, she’s coming to get you for it.”

 

Suddenly she realized why he sounded so distressed, “oh.”

 

“Rey, I —“

 

She didn’t know what he was at the end of that sentence, but she did know she couldn’t handle hearing it.Rey had also been living in this false world, and wouldn't deny enjoying what she assumed was normalcy.It was so easy to forget at 'Varykino'.The beautiful home on the water, away from everyone and everything.

 

“Hey, let’s go for a swim!” She stood up from the couch and held out her hand, he stood without taking it and walked out of the lounge, leaving the Holopad.She followed him with her eyes as he left the room then chased after him, “it will take your mind off things!”

 

“I thought you still couldn’t swim.”

 

“Maybe I learned, it can’t be that hard!”Sliding in front of him, Rey placed her hands on his chest to stop him from walking any further.

 

He stared at her before reluctantly nodding.

 

After changing into suitable swimwear, which Rey found to be a breast band and a pair of knee-length shorts that clung far too tightly to her skin she found herself standing at the edge of that dreaded dock regretting every decision she had made in the last hour.

 

Ben was floating on his back with ease and would ever so often glance over at Rey as she debated her next move.

 

“You’ll never know if you can do it until you try,” he haphazardly encouraged and Rey growled from above.

 

“If you forgot, my last experience with water was not the greatest.”She inched her toes around the edge of the dock and rocked back and forth slightly.“You won’t let me drown will you?”

 

He chewed his lip, “I haven't yet.” 

 

The air was awkward for a moment.Ben dove under and began to tread water when he popped back up, pulling back the wet hair back from his face.

 

Rey looked down at the daunting lake.She knew it couldn’t have been that deep, and surely floating couldn't be that difficult.She took a deep breath anticipating the plunge and took her small leap.

 

She really hadn’t expected it to go much better.As soon as the water hit her feet she recognized she had no idea how to stay above said water.She’d watched Ben swim plenty of times, but waving arms and kicking feet only seemed to worsen her problems as the light of the day faded and she was surrounded by the black of the lake, only a glimmer of light coming from the break of the surface. She slammed her eyes shut and tried to focus on keeping the air in her lungs and pushing back up towards the sun, but panic struck.She gasped from the urgency and she inhaled liquid where she needed air to be.The terror was short as she felt a hand grab her bicep and pull her above the surface.

 

After her eyes had reopened and she spat up some water he had the gall to smile at her.

 

“Maker, are you made of rock?” he laughed as he hooked his hands under her arms to hold her up.

 

“Apparently,” Rey coughed and more water spilled from her mouth. She placed her hands upon his shoulders to further prevent from going under again and he pulled her into him, just slightly, as she continued to cough while he tried to stop himself from laughing. “Stop!” She poked at him. “It’s not funny. I could have died.”

 

“You were fine." His hands wrapped behind her back.“You just really can’t swim.”

 

“No, I can’t.” They floated there for a second, holding each other as small ripples of waves hit against them.He smiled at her and she puffed out her cheeks.

 

“I’m going to miss you,” he whispered and her face dropped.Ben knew he had made a mistake and his face reddened within seconds.

 

Clouds rolled over the horizon, and a chill hit the air.Rey shivered awkwardly and Ben looked up to observe the changing sky.

 

He sighed following a gulp.

 

“Alright, we should head inside,” he said, but he didn’t let his touch stray as they walked to the shoreline.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

That night, there had been a storm.There wasn’t an immediate threat, but the thunderous shocks rattled the house and Rey buried under the covers.She tossed tirelessly as each crashing boom reawakened her as soon as she'd begun to doze off.She turned to face Ben’s back. 

 

She doubted he was asleep for she could sense a conscious mind, but for whatever reason, he chose to ignore her restlessness.She settled on her side and began to watch him.Watched how his back stretched his shirt with every breath and how his hair settled against his pillow.He was strangely entrancing, but that could have just been the Force calling.

 

“Ben,” she whispered through the hard sound of the rain as it pounded on the windows, “are you awake?”

 

He grunted in response, a sign that he was only half conscious.

 

“It’s loud out there,” she murmured as lightning from outside flashed in the room. She scooted forward and Ben remained still.

 

“It’ll pass,” Ben was able to say, apparently trying to sound comforting, “just let the rain drown it out, focus on something else.”

 

She continued to stare at his back as his breathing pattern steadied again. Shifting herself towards him again so her head was pressed neatly between his shoulder blades. His shirt was soft and warm.He shuddered at her touch but relaxed as the position became familiar.She had done this with him back at the prison and it filled her with the same sensation as it did before. The room silenced, and the Force within them flourished.It buzzed between their bodies and took form as both a chill and warmth.

 

She focused on his heartbeat. It was a delicate sound, more soothing than the storm.He flipped so she was now pressed against his chest,trapped under his arm as it circled around her.

 

Lighting crashed followed by roaring thunder as his grasp tightened.Her eyes slammed shut trying to refocus her mind on him, and his hands began to drift up and down the expanse of her back.Almost subconsciously, her arms wrapped around him and they found themselves trapped in the other’s embrace.

 

Her mind couldn’t form a complete thought, and she feared to look into his.This was the intimacy she had been so desperate to push away, and now she was pulling herself into it, unable to see the harm of it at this moment.She felt safe there, loved there, and it was almost as if she had forgotten what being alone was ever like there.

 

Then he parted from her slightly and Rey looked up at him with worried eyes.His own eyes were cloudy and his brow was furrowed.He adjusted the way he held her and pressed his forehead to hers.

 

He chewed his lip before speaking, “I… I’m not confused, Rey.I’ve spent my whole life not knowing what I what I wanted.What was right.   I know I'm not confused about you.”

 

“What are you saying?” Her heart left its sync with his and it started pounding with its own rhythm.Her cheeks burned and his warm breath on her skin almost seemed to scald her.

 

“I've loved you for a long time—“

 

Rey stopped him before he could finish.She slid her hand up to his lips to quiet him and in his momentary rejection, he closed his eyes. She felt a light kiss on her fingertips. 

 

“Okay,” he finished and settled back into his pillow, “rules.”

 

Rey gazed at him for a moment as her fingers rested on his lips.She dragged them back against his ear then into his hair but he remained still.To be honest, she wasn’t confused either — she just expected to be.She had grown to like this imaginary life they had built for themselves, and though she didn’t say it, she knew he would know she would miss him too.That this small world of theirs ending wasn’t sad for only him.She lifted herself up and brushed her lips against his.It was small and chaste— and she pulled away.

 

It had been a stupid rule.


	9. A Long Time Ago Part III

It would have been easy to keep living like this. 

 

Rey knew it was only a matter of time before her newly arranged sleeping habits would be interrupted by Leia’s arrival on Naboo, but she quite liked waking up warmly tucked under someone's chin. Leia had been making daily calls to Rey letting her know that she would soon be coming to take her back to D'Qar, but Rey was beginning to admit her relief each time she heard Leia say “soon” rather than “now”. 

 

She woke with her arm lazily draped across Ben's chest while his were wrapped snuggly around her waist.She squirmed slightly to have him release her but in his sleep that just encouraged him to hold tighter, as if he were afraid she would fall.

 

“Ben, wake up,” she whispered, poking at the tip of his nose, and when he didn't reply she pressed harder.“Or at least let me go, I’m hungry.”

 

“You…. can't… cook,” he mumbled, half-conscious, swatting her hand away from his face.

 

“I’m getting better!” That may have been a lie, but after a lifetime of dehydrated bread crumbs, any food was good food. She’d been watching Ben cook for the last month on Naboo and she’d tried to help more recently, but Ben insisted that she just wait and let him handle it. 

 

He blinked a few times and stretched out his arms with a loud yawn.Rey took that opportunity to free herself and hopped out of bed to begin her way to the kitchen.

 

She heard Ben shuffle after her before she was even down the first hallway, and heard him curse as he clumsily ran into a vase display in his groggy state, catching it swiftly before it caused any further damage.

 

“You don’t trust me?” Rey said as she spun towards him, taking a few slow steps backward.

 

“Not around an open fire in contained spaces,” he responded, straightening the vase back on the pedestal.

 

“Really? Me?”She was about to begin her dash again as if playing a game when he caught up to her and snatched her hand.

 

The kissing was still new to her, but not unwelcome. They were mostly short and chaste, but it still made her head spin every time he’d done it.They weren’t as much grand romantic gestures as comforting and supporting ones, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t like them or wonder when he’d do it again.When he leaned in this time, her hands clasped around his neck in an attempt to keep him there longer than he usually stayed.She managed three seconds before her growling stomach interrupted and he pulled back.

 

“Hungry?”

 

“I told you.” She swallowed. 

 

With a slight chuckle, he bypassed her down the stairs and she stood in her place and pouted, looking back at the bedroom door. Suddenly, her stomach dropped for another reason.While there was no denying the connection they shared, and the bond that had been forming since their first encounter, it was something different to accept this feeling. 

 

It had been there for awhile, longer than she was willing to admit, but in practice, it was almost surreal.Some days would go by and it was all she could think about, it was all she wanted to think about, but other days would come and she would give anything to have control of her mind and heart again. Some days she was even nervous around him, would stumble on her words and turn twenty shades of red when he tucked her hair behind her ears or held her hand when they hiked through the woods.

 

But as much as these days caused her stress, each day was brand new.She didn’t feel like herself anymore, but, it wasn’t a bad thing. Where there once had been resentment and bitterness, there was now… hope. And while her heart constantly felt like it was about to burst from her chest, when she let herself think about it, she was thankful that she was still capable of feeling this way. She would have thought that years of pining for love as a child would have made her cold to the feeling at this point in her life, but yet, here she was. 

 

All for a former Warlord in an apron of all things.

 

When her mind drifted to their past, though, it still made her shudder.It made her gut twist to the point she was sure she was holding back bile.Almost as if it was becoming more and more impossible not to separate the two. One was becoming a distant memory, the sooner forgotten the better, and she certainly knew that this bias would show when the came time to go plead his case to the council.A bias that would not be easily understood.

 

But this was the man who'd cooked her breakfast cakes in the mornings.One day, two accidentally merged in the pan and he saved it for her because he thought it looked like a BB droid.Rey attempted to draw on the ‘eye’ with a dollop of whipped cream, and Ben laughed at her.She laughed too.She looked at him and that’s all she could see.The person that was in front of her now.Their history wiped clean. 

 

The days on Naboo went on.They kept dancing around and testing the waters, both literally and figuratively, with each other. (Rey wading in the shallow water as Ben swam his usual laps.)She hadn’t the courage to attempt swimming again, but this was fine. She just enjoyed the feeling of water and knowing there were planets like this with enough water to relax in. 

 

When they found themselves ready, those quick ‘kisses’ soon became ‘kissing' when Rey could no longer keep count of the seconds, particularly when they would watch news broadcasts on the Holonet.They both knew it was important for them to know how the Republic was rebuilding, being as secluded as they were, but each time they found more interest in each other.There was only so much political jargon and Senate hearings one could take before they found themselves distracted, wrapped up in each other instead of the news. 

 

But the lesson too often learned that all good things must end would come.

 

On the day that Leia would tell Rey she would be needed back on D’Qar, Rey woke up without Ben at her side.Her heart was racing for some unknown reason, almost feeling like it was breaking.She sat up to look for him around the room, frowning at the lack of warmth he'd left behind and rolled out of bed, hand placed over her heart to try to still it.She exchanged her night clothes for her usual get-up and went back into the main housing to find where he’d gone.

 

“What are you doing?” she grumbled, finding him in the kitchen unsurprisingly, as he tossed wrapped food items into a basket of sorts.

 

“I want to check on the Falcon,” he said, without looking up from his work.

 

“And you are bringing food?”

 

“Well, you're coming with me.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It’s a long hike back to the fields, I figured we could make a trip of it.” He was schmoozing her now, knowing food and greenery were the two quickest ways to her heart.Rey laughed thinking about it and he looked nearly insulted. “What?”

 

“Like a picnic date?” She cocked her hip with a raised brow.

 

“You can call it that, I guess.”He muttered, a bit shot-down.But there was certain panic in his voice, an urgency as if he had woken with the same uneasy feeling as her. 

 

“No, I like it!”She smiled with a comforting tone in her voice.“I’ve... never been on a date, not really.”

 

His cheeks reddened like they often did around her, and without another word, he closed the basket, hooked it in the crook of his arm, grabbed Rey’s hand, and dragged her out the front door.

 

 

—

 

 

 

She’d forgotten what a long hike it had been back to where they had hidden the Falcon. 

 

Ben had held her hand nearly the entire way up the hill, save for a small moment where he had bent down to pluck a white flower from the grassy path.He’d handed it to her, without much-added presentation and she coughed up a laugh.

 

“I’m trying here!” he protested.

 

“I know, it’s… endearing.”

 

“Then why do you keep laughing?”

 

She jumped up to peck his cheek and grabbed his hand again to continue their hike. “It’s just new,” she said softly, her free hand still holding the flower.

 

When they reached the ship they were both relieved to find it untouched.Ben ducked inside to confirm that no one had taken shelter in the solitary ship and he came back with a blanket from one of the bunks. He laid the blanket down as a place for them to eat, and Rey unpacked the basket and organized the spread.He’d made sandwiches, and brought wine that he’d found buried in the house, with glasses that were still a bit dusty from the lack of use over the years, but every part of it was delightful.Too delightful.And when all was said and done with their meal, and they had retired to lying in the grass together, the pulsing reminder of how fleeting this all was hammered back into their minds.

 

“What’s going to happen?” Rey whispered, pressed against his chest, comfortably wrapped in his arms, “When all of this… ends.”This moment was bliss, but it was surely ending. She hummed at the subtle touch of his fingers around her back, drawing small shapes as his lips pressed into her forehead.

 

“If it’s alright with you, I’d just like to be with you,” he said as he backed away slightly, to look at her better, “so, wherever we go, we’ll go together.”

 

“I just want it to be just like this.”She unwrapped herself from his grasp and sat up, pulling her knees to her chest. Endless green fields and waterfalls.A beautiful home and the welcoming thoughts of the happy future they could have there.She leaned forward and plucked a few blades of grass and let them fly away in the breeze.Normalcy.Normalcy that she would never have. 

 

He leaned up and moved behind her, pulling her back into his chest, resting his chin on her shoulder.Minutes went by without words, until he broke it with a simple, “I’m sorry,”knowing that her pain would forever be his fault.His arms found themselves around her waist once more and he placed his lips against her neck.

 

“The no kissing rule was a bad one,” Rey breathed as kisses were peppered up to her jaw.

 

“Your idea, not mine,” he mumbled against her skin with a devilish smirk. 

 

“Ben.” She pushed him back again and turned to face him, her legs weaving over his in a terribly awkward position.“When your mother gets here, what will you do?”

 

His eyes darted from feature to feature on her face.When he finally landed upon her eyes he laughed, “wait by the door for you to get back, I suppose.”She shoved him playfully and he came back with a chaste kiss on her cheek.“You will come back, right?”He’d known her answer but he’d liked hearing it anyway.

 

She smiled. “I promise.”

 

And like that, Rey’s holo device began to ping from her bag.They exchanged a quick glance as they both knew in their hearts that this was the call.Their little home in the lush fields of Naboo would be over.For now, at least.

 

Rey reached over for her satchel and took the device from it.She shifted away from Ben before activating the image. 

 

“Rey?” Leia said as her blue holo came into focus.

 

“It is time, isn't it?”Rey said bluntly.

 

“How did you know?” the woman replied, her voice sad. 

 

They knew that answer, but all Rey said was, “just a feeling.”

 

“There is a Church settlement about six standard hours west of Varykino.I will meet you there as to not draw attention to the house. Ben will stay at Varykino with the Falcon.It seems to be off the Council's Radar for the time being.”

 

“How long will you need me?” she said in an almost whisper, slightly embarrassed to ask and seem too eager to come back.

 

“They want proceedings to begin as soon as possible, the only reason I've been able to delay them is that they had hoped you would return... with Ben.Who knows how long it will take,” she stopped herself, “who knows how long it will take to get the results we want.”

 

Rey looked back at Ben again, his face bare of expression for her sake.She waited for him to look over, but his gaze was locked ahead of him. 

 

“When will you be here?”

 

“I plan on leaving first thing in the morning, I should arrive by nightfall on Naboo.”

 

“Tomorrow?” Rey gulped, trying her best not to sound worried.

 

“It’s for the best, Rey.”Leia’s tone softened, “I’ll send you the coordinates.”She paused and frowned for a moment, even through the hologram Rey could tell she felt conflicted over something. “I’ll see you, tomorrow.” She looked towards her son who had remained silent during their exchange, “Ben.”

 

“Mother.” 

 

She opened her mouth to say something else, but she stopped herself.“Tomorrow,” and the hologram turned off.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

The trek to the settlement had been a silent one.Ben drove the first half of the trip, and Rey the second, in which he spent with his arms around her waist resting his head against her shoulder from behind. He’d barely spoken with her since Leia’s call.His thoughts were clouded to her, but it was easy enough to tell what he was expressing.It was hopelessness. 

 

As the sun disappeared over the horizon, the endless plains finally reached their end.The Church village from afar looked like the Temple on Ahch-to. Stone huts built in rings, illuminated by bonfires, as simply dressed people walked about. They came to a stop right outside of the site and a silhouette of a person came striding towards them.

 

“Welcome, our Honored guest!”An elderly woman approached Rey as she hopped off the Speeder. The woman grinned widely at the sight of Rey, but her brow furrowed at the sight of the man beside her.“We were told to only expect one guest.”

 

Ben groaned childishly and Rey elbowed him in his gut.Then he whispered to Rey, “my own mother forgot to mention me.”

 

“She probably just assumed you wouldn’t come,” Rey defended, “You didn’t need too.”

 

He opened his mouth to retort but pursed his lips tightly after a moment of thought.“Someone needed to bring the Speeder back to the house,” he grumbled under his breath. 

 

“My Apologies, miss,” Rey said, changing the conversation and looking back to the baffled woman.She was wearing a brown get-up, similar to traditional Jedi Robes, and in a way, she reminded her of Master Luke.“My name is Rey, it’s a pleasure to meet you, thank you for offering your home as a meeting point for General Organa and me.”

 

“It is our pleasure, our loyalties are to the Force, not the government. We are the servants of its will, not theirs." She looked back at Ben who raised an eyebrow curiously at her."I am Utalli, one of the Church Elders here.  Who is your companion?” 

 

“A local from Naboo who has long served the Naberrie family, " Rey sputtered, Ben and Utalli alike looked at her with unimpressed eyes. "We appreciate your kindness," Rey said.At this point, two younger men joined the elder at her side, “Has the general arrived yet?”

 

“Not yet, we believe she is to arrive in the morning.”

 

“Morning?”Rey replied in surprise.Ben crossed his arms tightly in front of him.

 

“Not to worry, miss, we have plenty of room for you tonight.The Church is always open to travelers, we are a haven for many.You are no trouble at all”

 

“I… Thank you.” 

 

The woman put a hand on Rey’s shoulder and began to lead her towards the huts.Ben sulked behind them as one of the acolyte boys offered to take his bag.He clung it tightly at his side with a growl, and the boy made no further attempt to try to win his favor. 

 

Ben and Rey alike were treated like a spectacle from the moment they walked into the community, a spectacle for a reason Rey couldn’t decipher.Everyone whispered in excitement as they walked past the different shelters.Every person pointing and smiling with generous waves and offerings of food and other goods. 

 

“It’s because you are Force Sensitive,” Ben whispered when he caught on to her confused glances, as another basket of jogan fruit was pushed in front of her.She had now accumulated a table of gifts alongside a well-prepared feast that could have fed the entire Resistance. “These people worship the Force, therefore, people like you are a pretty big deal.When my Uncle and I were traveling this sort of thing happened… a lot.”

 

“It feels wrong,” Rey mumbled.

 

“I thought so too, at first.But it’s not wrong to them,” he replied, pushing food around on his plate mindlessly.“This is what they’ve dedicated their life too, it fulfills them … for some ungodly reason.”His own reservations about the Force’s Will began to seep through.Rey slipped her hand on his thigh from underneath the table in a comforting gesture but he jumped.Her hand retracted.

 

After the feast was served, and the commotion began to quiet, the Elder lead them to a Hut on the outer ring of the camp. 

 

“Will this suffice?”Elder Utalli said, pulling back the cloth curtain that served as a door. There was a padded mattress of sorts on the floor, piled high with blankets, and nearly nothing else. Candles were used to light the small room, and if it hadn’t been for the sake of wanting to live simply, Rey would have thought it to be romantic. 

 

“This is perfect.Thank you, Madam Utalli, for your hospitality.”

 

“It is our honor.To have guests like you is an experience most of us will only have once in our lifetime.You are truly blessed.”She bowed her head to take her leave, and the curtain closed behind her.Leaving Ben and Rey in the dim flickering light of the hut.

 

“It’s cozy,” Rey said to fill the silence.She dropped her bag to the floor and began digging through it to find her sleepwear. "Also, she knows."

 

"Hmm?" 

 

"She knows, Madam Utalli, about us."She pulled out her cotton top, and a pair of satin pants and folded them over her arm, "She didn't even offer two rooms."Rey meant for that to lighten the moment, but his state didn't change.

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“You’ve been acting strangely ever since we’ve gotten here, Ben,”Rey sighed, standing back up from her bag, “What’s wrong with you?”

 

“Nothing,” he grumbled, bending down and beginning to scramble through his own bag. "Just being a loyal servant to the Naberrie family."

 

“Ben, I'm serious.”

 

He sighed, “I don’t know, it makes me uncomfortable to be here.People who worship something as… fickle as the Force.”

 

“...”

 

“Look, I know it’s hypocritical, it’s just a… reminder being here.”

 

“You didn’t have to come, there were other Speeders at Varykino. You didn't need to bring back this one.”

 

“You know I didn’t come for the damn Speeder,” he bit back, then whispered a soft apology when he heard his tone.

 

“Then stop pretending like you did, and enjoy what you did come here for.”She rolled her eyes before the connotation of her words hit her and her face felt like it was on fire.She expected him to laugh, but he didn’t, he just stood and took a step forward.

 

She popped up on her toes and kissed him. It was light and soft like their first kiss on Naboo and Ben sighed with closed eyes when she plopped back down on her heels. 

 

Her hands glided up the coarse fabric of his tunic and she began to linger when her fingers reached his neck. She was suddenly utterly lost in her own head, unsure of what to do next. 

 

“We should go change,” she said with a hard swallow, staring at his lips, her fingers toying with the dark hair at the base of his head.

 

He didn’t reply.She could just feel his eyes pour into her, and the Force between them swell.

 

“Unless…” she began, but the words were lost in her throat. 

 

“Unless.”His voice was low, filled with a certain husk she wasn’t used to hearing.A certain husk that had shivers running down her spine.He brought his mouth down to her again and kissed the tip of her nose, to her cheek, to her jaw. Her hands began to work the ties of his tunic until it fully opened and her hands could touch the bare skin of his chest.It was a familiar sight to her at this point,but touching, no, feeling, was different.Everything about this was different than before.   
  
  There were no more waters to be tested, not anymore.

 

She hadn’t even noticed that her own clothing had begun to slip on to the floor, first her vest, followed by her belts.His hands settled at the bottom hem of her shirt, clenching the fabric in his fists before looking back at Rey, asking for permission with sunken, melancholic, eyes.She gave a small nod as she lifted her arms as he raised her blouse over her head, tossing it on the ground.She reached behind her to untie her breast band, and soon it unraveled and joined her other garments.He took a moment to gather himself, clearing his throat at the sight.She was surely blushing, almost shocked that she actually did it, so quickly as well.She slowed herself to reach up and touch his face, her fingers unconsciously beginning to trace his scar.He was hers with that, but she was his too.The Force had that planned for longer than either of them could have imagined.

 

“I’m glad you came,” she said, pulling herself back against him, her eyes closing,his hands wrapping around her back, splayed against her skin, leaning her back towards the bedding.

 

“Me too.”

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Rey's head was comfortably settled on his chest when Naboo's morning light had peeked in from under the hut door, prickling soothing warmth against her skin.She blinked a few times as she adjusted to the light and looked up to see that Ben had also been awake, lightly tracing his fingers against her bare back as he gazed up towards the ceiling.She scooted up to press a light kiss to his chin and he looked down once she’d gathered his attention. 

 

“Good morning,” he said with a soft smile coming to his lips. 

 

“Good morning,” she returned the pleasantry and draped her arm around him, pulling herself closer.He turned his head and their lips collided in a familiar gesture and he shifted his weight to pull her atop his chest completely, with every intention to replay the last evening from the feel of it, until a knock came from outside the hut wall.

 

“Excuse m-,“ one of the acolyte's voices came through.

 

“What is it!?” Ben came off harshly, but the interruption was much to their distaste.Rey swatted his chest and rolled off the bed, covering herself with one of the blankets from the cot, shuffling to start gathering her clothing.

 

“We've received a transmission that General Organa will be landing in a few minutes, her ship has exited hyperspace.”The voice meekly responded through the curtain. 

 

“Thank you, we’ll be out to greet her,” Rey chimed in before Ben could hastily reply again. She tossed Ben his tunic and he groaned childishly. 

 

“You can’t leave now,” he said, reaching forward to grab her hands to pull her toward him.“Tell my mother you can’t go back, she’ll understand.”

 

“Ben,” she sighed, “we’ll be back soon, I promise.Your mother is right, the sooner we deal with the Resistance council, the better.”

 

His face darkened, “you know they will never agree with what you’ll propose.” 

 

“We aren’t arguing your actions, we’re arguing your role and your sentence.”

 

“Rey…”

 

“Let’s go meet with your mother.”Her tone now sullen, wanting to stop their last moments from souring.He looked as if he wanted to say more, but in their shared glance, it was agreed that nothing more needed to be said. 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Rey was the first one to embrace Leia, running to her with open arms and they were gladly accepted by the older woman.Ben stood a few feet behind them, watching the display with a blank face and stayed in place when the two parted.

 

“It’s good to see you… both,” Leia started, seeming pleasantly surprised by the sight of her son.

 

“It’s wonderful to see you as well.”

 

“Have you enjoyed your time on Naboo, Rey?”

 

“Yes, quite.”

 

“Will you be alright, Ben, making it back to Varykino for awhile?”

 

He grunted in a way that didn’t say yes or no, but Leia ignored his act of childish defiance and looked at Rey.

 

“Well, I suppose we mustn’t delay, they must be almost done refueling the ship by now.”

 

“Already?” Rey said, perhaps too surprised, “You don't want to take a break first? You must be exhausted from this trip.”

 

“I’ve been exhausted for the last 35 years.”She expected Ben to snarl at this, but it actually warranted a small smirk. “It’s best we get going. Have you got everything you need?”

 

“I didn’t bring much,” she patted the small bag that strapped across her chest on her hip. 

 

She looked back at Ben one last time before boarding the ship.He was still facing her but looking down.She took a deep breath and ran back towards him, sliding her arms under his in one last embrace before they parted.Leia turned back from the loading dock and watched as her son reciprocated this action. Digging his hands into her hair and burying his nose in the crook of her neck. 

 

“I love you,” she whispered as she slowly backed away.  They had said it the night before, many times, but this admission hurt more than she could admit.

 

“I love you, too” he replied in same. He looked up to face his mother whose eyes were glued suspiciously on his.There was no doubt she would have figured it out soon enough if she hadn’t already, but he nodded courteously at her as Rey made her way back to the ship. 

 

As Leia made her way to follow the young woman she noticed her chin quiver. “All you alright, dear?” she asked as Rey settled herself for takeoff. 

 

She didn’t respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Busy weekends mean I can't post! But I'll make up for it this week :D


	10. A Long Time Ago Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last flashback guys!

Rey adjusted to life back on D’Qar.Not perfectly, but enough.The scenery hadn’t changed, nor had the people, but she felt that since her return those people were staring more than they used too, whispering more than they used too, and quieted far too quickly when she entered the room. She prayed that she was just overthinking things, that her guilt about her time away was causing her stomach to twist and to imagine things that weren’t really there, but with each passing whisper, it became harder and harder to convince herself of that. Finn, Poe, Jess, Snap… none of her usual confidants had welcomed her back with open arms.Finn was trying, inviting her for dinner or runs, but he wasn’t the same, he was holding himself back around her.

 

She resided herself to spending a lot of time in her room, the same room she had before she’d left D’Qar nearly two months ago.Two months.Had she really been gone that long?She’d been back on base for weeks now, and it had felt like a lifetime, but time on Naboo had felt like no time at all.She started to think back to the planet, the cool nights, the soft winds, the- she stopped herself when she felt her heart begin the ache.She thought about other issues, about how her bed here was small, and she berated herself for becoming accustomed to such nice accommodations, but maybe it wasn’t the accommodations she was missing as much as the warmth and company.

 

Leia had made the executive decision to cut all communication to Naboo during the hearings with the Council.She said that it was necessary in order to keep the facade that Ben was still missing and for that to happen the records had to be clear, but Rey knew this wasn’t completely true.Though they hadn’t spoken about it, it was clear that Leia suspected something, and it was clear she didn’t like the idea of it. But Rey knew Ben was safe.Though the Force wasn't allowing them a clear connection like it often would, she could feel his signature like her own heartbeat.It was comforting. 

 

There was a knock at the door.Rey rolled off her bunk with a huge stretch and pressed the keypad that allowed the door to open.

 

“Still in bed, dear?” Leia appeared in the doorway, giving Rey a glance. Rey clearly hadn’t done much with her day, as she was still in her night clothes and her hair going in every direction.

 

“I was up late,” she lied. She’d been home all evening, her stomach nauseous and her mind exhausted over another day stressed over hushed gossip. 

 

“Well, you better get dressed, the primary hearing is soon.” Leia paused to react to Rey’s stunned face. “You didn’t forget did you?”   
  


“I… I did.I’m so sorry, Leia!”Rey flushed, rushing to her drawers to pull out anything that looked halfway decent.She flung her clothes across her bed in hopes something looked presentable.

 

“It’s alright, but I’m starting to worry about you.” Leia stepped inside the room and pointed to the gray vest that Rey had strewn about,she picked it up and handed it to her, and Rey slipped it over her arms.“We need your mind at full attention for this.” Leia took Rey’s hands and they both sat on the edge of her bed. “Your friends are worried about you, they think you’ve been distant since you’ve returned.”

 

“I’ve been distant? What about them? They are the ones who have been avoiding me like I've been lying to them!” In her rushed state she bit back, harsher than she intended, but her insides had been waiting to boil over since she’d arrived. 

 

Leia had a hard time getting her next sentence out, she tightened her grasp for just a moment and said: “but are they wrong?”

 

Rey had to consciously close her mouth.She took her hands from Leia’s and stood upright to smooth out her clothes.“We should get going.”

 

“Rey,” she sounded sad as if she were mourning for her, “I’m sorry.”

 

She could feel her eyes begin to swell, and all she could manage was “don’t look at me like they all look at me.”

 

The older woman forced a smile and joined Rey at her side, and without any further words, she put her hand on her back and they walked from the room, the doors hissing behind them.

 

The Resistance briefing rooms, which, since the end of the war, had been serving as offices for the officials, still felt like war rooms.Ghosts of the past echoing within the chambers.Outside of the building, a woman with graying hair was standing with a holo-device in hand. She was scrolling through a list of sorts, but it flickered away once she was made aware that Leia and Rey were approaching.

 

“Leia, it’s nice to see you as always,” the woman said, a sneer cadence coming from her crooked mouth.Rey didn’t like her.But she hadn’t liked much of anyone these days.

 

“I wish it was under better circumstances, Heratt,” Leia responded curtly.

 

“You must understand, that, given the circumstances, this decision must be made by a vote you cannot partake in.” She said, explaining a question that neither of them asked.An attempt to belittle them, as their usual power and influence, especially Leia’s, had been stripped.“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen your face, Rey.”

 

Truth be told, Rey hadn’t known this woman at all.She’d maybe seen her once or twice, but she wouldn’t have bet any credits on that. In fact, by the look this woman was giving her, her idea and ‘knowing’ of Rey was simply based on hearsay.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” Rey whispered, in an attempt to seem polite when her emotions were on high, and Heratt seemed pleased at this submissive response. 

 

“Shall we get started then?” Leia said, pushing past the woman and walking into the briefing room she was guarding. 

 

“It appears you are ready,” Heratt laughed, following Leia, Rey being the last one to enter.

 

There were four other council members aside from Heratt that were already sitting around a circular table when everyone took their seats.None took the time to introduce themselves, as their egos served as their own introduction.Rey glanced over at Leia who gave her a soothing touch with a small whisper, “I’ll talk first.”

 

The council became quiet on cue when Heratt beckoned the attention of the room.She began her speech about the morality of the Resistance and their loyalty to serving the Republic.To remind her council that they served the good of the people first, and not the benefits of their friends on colleagues.She went for ages until she finally mentioned why they were truly there, to sentence Leia’s son, Kylo Ren. Rey audibly growled at this.  That wasn’t who he was. Heratt paused at the sound and raised an eyebrow at Rey.

 

“Do you have something to say?”Heratt said, and Rey shook her head. 

 

The woman began listing the crimes of the First Order.  The threat and harm they had caused to the galaxy at large.That they had kidnapped and brainwashed children from birth and raised them to be mindless soldiers.They killed billions in the matter of mere seconds.Attempted to destroy democracy in the same fashion as the Empire.Then she mentioned Han Solo and Luke Skywalker and Leia flinched.Rey’s fists tightened.Heratt went on and on until Rey realized that they were not here to discuss anything.This was not a discussion. 

 

“I am not here to claim my son is innocent of anything,” Leia said calmly when she was finally given the chance to speak.

 

“Then why are you here?” An older Mon Calamari man said.

 

“I think there are more suitable options for First Order prisoners than handing them over to the Republic.We have been getting good results from the Storm Trooper rehabilitation programs.”

 

“Kylo Ren wasn't a mere trooper, General,” The human male said.

 

“Perhaps not, bu-“

 

“I’m sorry Leia, but I simply cannot understand your logic aside from a motherly instinct to protect your child.Your child who broke free of our prison, knocked out several of our guards, and stole a freighter all to avoid sentencing.”

 

“He was willing to stay for his trial, and accept his punishment.”Rey chimed in, and Leia turned to her with a stern look in an attempt to stop her from talking.She didn’t listen.“Ben and I knew, if he was taken to Republic court, General Organa would be fall victim to another witch hunt. They’ve been hunting her family for far too long, and a sentence for Ben Solo would be a sentence for her as well.You know what happened to Leia after the Republic outed her as Darth Vader’s biological daughter.They were sure she and her brother were nothing more than just servants of their blood.”

 

“You- You helped Kylo Ren escape?” the Mon Calamari said, his already large mouth falling to the floor. 

 

“Yes,”Rey admitted with full confidence. “I organized it.I am guilty of that, not Ben.”

 

“So you know where he is?”Another older human woman said, her nostrils flaring with disgust.

 

“No.”Rey’s eyes sharpened, though the entire room knew they were being lied too.Leia’s hands fell into her palms.

 

“Rey, this is a very serious offense, we have every right to take you to the Republic Court right now. “ Heratt said. 

 

For a moment Rey held her tongue, “He was never given a chance. I know that’s hard to understand, I didn’t understand for a long time.”Their bond, the one between her and Ben, was unexplainable in every way, especially to those who put little faith in the Force,but it had allowed her to feel a lifetime through his mind, all in seconds, as he had felt hers.“I’m not making excuses for the First Order, but I’m saying for the sake of our Galaxy, don’t reveal his name.”

 

“You’d be so willing to try to save the man who killed your husband, General Organa, or are you just trying to save yourself?” Heratt turned to Leia and prodded, trying to hit her where it hurt.

 

“Do you have children, Heratt?” Leia said after a long pause.

 

“No, but I don’t see how-“

 

“Then you don’t understand the kind of love a mother feels for their child.I know what my son went through.He was lost for some time, Heratt, but he was never lost to me.Han knew the sacrifice he was making, and all of it would be nothing is my son is condemned too. This war may very well still be happening if it weren’t for Han’s sacrifice.”

 

Rey looked towards Leia, maybe beginning to understand her.Rey couldn’t bear to think of Ben and Kylo Ren as the same person, convincing herself that he’d been dormant in one state or another, but Leia was always able to feel her son, and she knew the bigger picture.Perhaps Leia had a better understanding of the Force than anyone knew, certainly a better understanding of the Force’s plan than Rey.

 

“If we are to bring him to court, we have to reveal his identity. There will be no hiding his relations in such a public trial,” the man said, unable to look Leia in eyes.

 

“Then please, let the sentencing be done here.Within the protection of the Resistance. You do not have to do it for him, but for the people who have fought for your galaxy their whole lives. He is more than willing to accept any punishment given, but I am not.Not only for him but for Leia Organa, and the memory of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker.But if you brought his name to the Republic, not only would you discredit your leaders, but Leia’s entire legacy, which includes the Resistance itself.You would be damning yourself.”

 

Silenced filled the room, and the council exchanged concerned glances when Heratt spoke again. “We’ll consider what has been said today.You may leave for the day.”

 

Rey stood, taking a giant breath of air for the first time in what she felt was hours.Leia stood slower and began to cordially shake hands with the council members, but Rey did no such thing, she needed to get out of there.She’d stormed from the building where Finn and Poe and had been the first ones to cross her path.

 

“Whoa there!” Poe said, holding out his arms as she attempted to walk by them, “What has gotten you so worked up?”

 

“Nothing,” she snapped.

 

Finn looked around Rey and saw the path to the briefing rooms, “it’s about Ren isn’t it?”He said and Rey shrugged. “Hey, let’s go for a walk.”

 

Finn and Poe had been acting more strangely than anyone she’d come across.They didn’t greet her hugs, but rather with dignified handshakes, which was strange for them both, and they didn’t ask a single question about her time away. Nothing more than small talk, and her nearly two-month absence was ignored completely. At least the others on base, if made to talk to Rey, would uncomfortably ask if her hunt had lead to any success, but Finn and Poe had ignored the topic completely. 

 

“Are you ever going to tell us where you were?” Finn finally blurted out as the three of them walked aimlessly down the runway of the base. 

 

“You never asked,” she responded preparedly as the boys exchanged glances.“You keep doing that. Everyone keeps doing that.”

 

“Doing what?”

 

“Getting nervous around me, like I’m some sort of grenade about to go off,” she didn’t sound offended by it, just more curious.

 

“You’ve been… on edge.”

 

“Because everyone else is!” she shouted.

 

“Why was there only one ship gone?” Finn asked and Rey stopped in place.She had been a few steps ahead of them at this point and felt their glares dig into her back.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“The night Kylo Ren escaped.There was only one ship gone.” Poe clarified. 

 

She hadn’t thought of that.Leia had told the base that she’d gone looking for the escaped convict, knowing she would be the best one to track him from their shared Force Sensitivity. But that would still involve two ships being gone.She hadn’t accounted for their efficiency in tracking their ship inventory.

 

“Strange,” Rey said slowly in a hushed tone. 

 

She could have lied, said a remaining faction of the First Order had picked him up, but she couldn’t do that to him.She would let her friends know the truth if it meant Ben would have one or two more people at his side. 

 

“Rey—“ Finn reached out and Rey, out of irritability, slapped his hand away. 

 

“You miscounted.”

 

The two men exchanged looks, “You don’t just lose ships, Rey.”

 

“This is a military base. Ships come and go all the time. You miscounted.”

 

“Look, Rey, you can tell us.We know you’re… protective of him.” Poe took a few steps forward to make sure she didn’t run off, “You’ve had a connection to him since the war, that’s not news to anyone.”

 

“And that’s why Leia sent me to find him.”

 

“And did you?”

 

“What?”

 

“Find him.”

 

“He’s not with me now is he?”

 

“Rey, answer the question.”

 

And that’s when the sky began to spin.Rey felt her legs shake and her knees begin to buckle.Finn leaped forward to catch her, and she didn’t remain conscious long enough to know if he actually caught her.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

When she came to she was on a medical bed.She wasn’t too surprised by this because she did remember passing out.There was a subtle beep of a heart monitor, but otherwise, nothing too urgent seemed to be happening around her.

 

The door opened and Kalonia stepped in. She was flipping nervously through the paperwork before her and walked wordlessly to a holoprojection in the corner as additional numbers appeared on it.

 

“Rey, I promise that whatever we discuss today will not leave this room,” she said, breaking the silence, looking up from her clipboard. “I want you to know there are options.” 

 

“I’ve just been stressed,” Rey tried to defend, but then she realized that the information Kalonia had may have implied there was more than stress.She felt her heart stop in her chest as she watched Kalonia walk to the chair next to her bed. The woman looked ill and rubbed her forehead as she continued to thumb through the files.

 

“We ran a few tests, Rey, just to make sure that all of your vitals were steady.” She started, pulling out one page in particular. “Most everything looks alright but,” she took another excruciating pause, “Rey.”

 

“Please just tell me,” Rey said as her body ached with anxiety. 

 

“It’s never been difficult for me to tell someone this before, it’s usually good news.”Rey cocked her head, and that’s when it clicked.Her eyes went wide and suddenly she was aware of so much more than just Ben’s force signature, she hadn’t been open to it before, but her own had been much stronger, blurrier, but amplified.

 

“Oh.” She and the doctor exchanged a look signifying that the both understood what the next words would be.

 

“So you aren’t shocked to hear this?” The look in Kalonia’s eyes was very telling that she knew more than she let on.She pitied the girl on the table and it seemed as if a part of her mourned for her.

 

“No.” She squeaked, bringing her hand to her mouth.

 

“Rey,you have options, it’s still early and we can terminate-“

 

“No!” Rey didn’t even want those words spoken, “Why would I want that?”

 

“I know this is not my place, Rey, but there have been rumors of your absence,” Kalonia soothed, “I’m not one to listen to gossip, but with the timing-“

 

It was then Rey realized what the doctor had insinuated.“No,” she snarled, ready to leave the bed without any further discussion.Her gut twisted again with bile.This is what everyone would think.She had known the nature of their relationship would have to remain hidden on some level, but she had never contemplated the assumptions people would make if they found out.Knowing that she couldn’t even argue with the truth made her chest heavy, that she’d just have to let people whisper from now on.

 

“Rey I didn’t mean too-“ Kalonia put her hands up in defeat. “I just want you to know you can trust me if you need anything.”

 

“I…” Rey started, but then she thought of Ben, she thought of Naboo, she thought about their last night, “I need to go.”

 

“I think it’s best if you relax for a bit.” The doctor placed a cool hand on her forehead, soothing her.

 

“Please, I need to go.”

 

Kalonia was silent for a moment longer but she stood and began to disconnect Rey from the monitors she was attached too.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Rey left the medical facility in a near sprint, ignoring the fact that she’d just passed out hours prior.Kalonia had chased after her, telling her to slow down, but gave up once they reached the hospital doors. 

 

She admitted that she had thought of this day, not this day in particular, but the day she'd have a family of her own.She’d created her own stitched together family over the years, Finn, Poe, Leia, but a part of her still thought of this day. It should have been a day of joy, most people would be thrilled about this sort of news — and Rey…as first she didn’t know, but then she touched the corners of her mouth and she had to stop herself from smiling, because she knew she shouldn’t be happy, she should be terrified.If anyone else found out they would approach her the same way Kalonia had, with misguided horror. 

 

Leia had been waiting outside Rey’s apartment when she arrived back and Rey dove into her arms the moment she was close enough.

 

“Rey, sweetheart, are you alright?” She said looking up as Rey parted from her. “I’ve been worried sick since Finn told me what happened!” 

 

Rey nodded rapidly, tears pooling in her eyes as Leia grasped her hands.She laughed partly from her nerves and partly from the excitement and finally released a full smile.“I think I’m really good.”

 

Leia calmed and returned a solemn smile, she took a moment to look down Rey’s body and hugged her once more, “are you going to tell me, or are you just going to make me assume?”There was a certain sadness in her voice, but she understood what Rey was hiding.

 

“I… I want to tell him first,” Rey said and the door to her apartment hissed open.Leia followed her in and leaned back on the metal wall.Rey started digging through her desk and drawers in an attempt to find any communications device, despite the woman who forbid them standing right beside her. 

 

“You could have told me before, about everything,” Leia replied, her shame showing before Rey could run off.“I want the entire galaxy for you, sweetheart, and I know, with everything that’s going on, you couldn’t have it like this.“

 

“The galaxy is an awfully big place,” Rey laughed, finally letting tears fall, “But I have so much more than I ever could have imagined, and I have a feeling, that won’t change.”

 

"You're happy?" Leia said, just to confirm. 

 

"I... I think I am." Rey surprised herself again.But she thought back to the girl on Jakku, and even then she knew if she were ever to have children of her own, there wouldn’t be a second of their existence where they would feel unwanted.She would make sure of that.

 

“He’ll be happy too,” Leia grinned and she handed Rey the Holo-device that was in her hands as if she knew this was what Rey was looking for. 

 

“Thank you.” She clung the device to her chest and Leia stepped to the side so she could exit. 

 

Rey made her way up the hills, not far, but far enough that she doubted anyone would cross her on a casual stroll and she activated the device. 

 

“Do you have any idea what time it is on Naboo, Mother!?” Ben’s disgruntled voice came through before the Holo flickered to life.He’d clearly been sleeping by the state of his hair and dress, but he’d answered all the same.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s important,”Rey said, ignoring the mistaken identity.

 

“Rey?” Ben’s brows lifted at the statement and panic struck his expression.“It’s you! Are you alright? What’s going on?”

 

“I’m fine, I promise, it’s good… I think.”

 

Rey thought about it again.She thought about the million reasons why this wasn’t the right time or the right situation.She knew they were all true but she also knew she wouldn’t allow that to take this feeling away, even if that meant ignoring every potential consequence of this situation— she would do it.

 

“Are you coming back?” He perked up behind tired eyes. 

 

“Soon,” she said, “but not yet, and that’s not what I’m calling about.”

 

He tilted his head like a confused animal and Rey suddenly felt nervous.She took a deep breath to attempt to ease him into the story.

 

“Do they have a verdict?” he said before she had the chance to start.

 

“No-no, not yet, we’re still in negotiations.”

 

“Are you hurt?”

 

“No! Just let me say it-“

 

“Okay, sorry,” but the panic didn’t fade from his face.

 

“I was out walking with Finn and Poe today and suddenly I became very dizzy,” she started and the look of anxiety didn’t fade from his face, “well, I blacked out and—“

 

“What, you said you weren’t hurt!?” he shouted and the Holo Device stuttered.

 

“Just let me finish!” She groaned, the news stewing inside her with a surprising weight. “They took me to the medical facility and… well…” She watched Ben’s fingers nervously twitch at his sides.“We’re going to have a baby, I guess,” she stated and any sign of his prior grogginess disappeared.“I just found out.”

 

“H… How?” Were his first words but a grin was peaking behind his full lips.

 

“Ben, I shouldn’t have to explain that to you.” Rey laughed and she studied his face through blue flickering holo. He was shocked, that was clear, but it was also clear that he shared the same headspace as Rey. 

 

“You’re serious?” he beamed, followed by a short laugh.

 

“It would be a pretty horrible joke,” she shrugged. 

 

“We only… It only happened once!” he muttered, somewhat to himself.Still in shock.

 

“That’s all it takes.” Rey rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling. 

 

“That… this is so wonderful,” and he honestly, with every fiber of his being meant it. Consequence be damned.

 

\--

 

“Welcome home, buddy!”The man, who she learned to be Poe, said as he turned back from the cockpit after a smooth landing. 

 

Kylin pressed her face against the glass to gaze at the bustling base before her. A few men and woman in uniform were doing laps, droids were scurrying off carrying cargo, and ships were everywhere overhead, it was unlike anything she had ever seen.

 

She heard the hiss from the loading dock as it unhinged and she ran for the exit. Going over everything Kira had told her about each person, place, and thing on this base. Her heart was pounding, in a way that she couldn’t say whether she was thrilled or terrified. She reached the concrete surface of the landing bay and gazed at the rows of ships before her.

 

That’s when she spotted her.She was standing just outside of the safe area of the landing bay, shifting slightly to the slide for the cargo loads that were whizzing by.Her hair was pulled back in the same fashion as it had been in the photo, and though at least seven years had passed since that picture, there was barely a difference.

 

“Mum?” Kylin coughed, nearly forgetting to adjust her voice. 

 

“I missed you so much, my love!”The woman said kneeling with her arms open. Without any further thought, Kylin launched herself into them, knowing her words were for Kira but accepting them for herself.She wrapped her arms around her neck and squeezed as tightly as she could.Her mother reciprocated. "It has been so lonely around here without you! Promise you will never want to leave me again!”She laughed, lifting her up into the air.

 

“Promise!”She said far too eagerly, holding back every tear she'd ever wanted to shed.

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

Kira felt as if she were frozen in time standing outside the golden ivory castle that stood before her.She tried her best to not appear too shocked at the what would have been her house if she had been born Kylin, but she felt her jaw drop regardless.After a few moments, she felt a kind hand on her shoulder and her gaze was broken as she looked up at an older woman with graying hair, the one who had picked her up on Coruscant; her grandmother.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” she asked with kind eyes, Kira nodded and the woman continued, “well, then we must not delay, your Father will be just thrilled to see you. I’m sure he’ll be quite pleased to have someone, aside from me, as company again.”

 

“Princess! I mean, General, I mean-“ Threepio stammered as he trotted to Leia’s side, she brushed off his antics with a wave and he readjusted, “All of the young princesses' belongings have been packed onto droids and are returning to her quarters, everything seems to be in place.”

 

“That is good to hear,” Leia smiled, “you did a wonderful job looking after my granddaughter. She seems to be all in one piece.”

 

Little did she know her granddaughter was in two very different pieces, spread far across the galaxy.

 

The trip home had been a short one, thankfully, as Leia didn’t ask many questions and had no qualms about Kira requesting to sleep on the flight to Birren.Though the fact was she didn’t sleep, she was just too afraid of messing things up before they began that she had a hard time looking the woman in the face.She had never taken an issue with talking to new people in the past, but that is when she was Kira, now, she was Kylin and one wrong move might have catastrophic repercussions. 

 

“Come on now, love, we mustn’t delay! The sun has nearly set by now.”Leia took a step forward with her hand still placed on Kira, she obliged in the guiding and walked alongside her into the beautiful palace doors.

 

While it must have been nice living with such recourses and amenities, Kira didn’t envy growing up here.It felt overwhelmingly lonely just walking into the greeting foyer. Its grand walls were covered in art and sculpture that no one seemed to appreciate in years, art left behind from years of past monarchs that wanted their legacy to live on. 

 

She had to keep focus, she reminded herself.She would be used to these sights if she were Kylin, she wouldn’t have blinked twice at them.This was her home.

 

The two walked into an even grander hall where Kira could hear murmuring from the end of it and Leia scoffed as they walked towards the chatter. 

 

“I told him we would be arriving soon. He should know better than to be accepting holo-calls right now,”the woman said, “he’s been working himself tirelessly when you’ve been gone, I suppose he needed something to fill the hours with.He’s been getting much more involved with Birren’s senators than he usually has.”

 

They reached a closed door and Leia waited a few seconds for an appropriate pause to enter.

 

“These Senate proposals are insane, they didn’t work during the Clone Wars and they surely won’t work now,” a deep voice echoed from the opposite side of the wall.“Good night,Senator.” 

 

Leia opened the door slightly to reveal a man. A well-dressed man in deep red robes who groaned as he dragged his hands down the length of his face as the holo-call flickered off. Sitting in an office chair, he looked down for a moment, swiveling slightly, utterly distracted. Leia opened the door further and Kira’s heart leaped out of her chest when she saw the man more clearly.

 

She’d seen him before, while not in memories but in dreams.The dark hair that matched her own, the pale dotted skin, and the scar that ran across his face and ended at the bridge of his long nose.Though this was the first time she’d seen his eyes, they were dark and tired but lit up when the opening of the door finally caught his attention.

 

“You made it!” he exclaimed, flying out of his chair, his legs knocking against the desk while doing so, “welcome home, kid!”

 

Before Kira had any time to process what was happening she felt like she was a hundred feet in the air as the man lifted her into a tight embrace.She peeked down at the floor from over his shoulder as her arms tightened around his neck and her mother was right about one thing, he was tall. 

 

He set her back on the ground and gave a much more collected greeting to his mother who chucked at the lackluster welcome he’d given her.

 

“You didn’t miss me, too?” she said jokingly.

 

“You’ve been gone for a day, mother,” he said and Kira chuckled.He turned and bent his knees to reach Kira’s eye line and grinned, “it’s you I haven’t seen in what feels like a lifetime!”

 

Kira gulped nervously at the words, for did he realize how true they were?

 

“So please, entertain me, let me know all about your time abroad.”He stayed squatted in front of her and Kira’s mouth went dry.She had thought so much of what this moment would be like, but never in her dreams was she this nervous but she supposed she wasn’t pretending to be someone else in them either.She took a deep breath and refocused, making sure her thoughts were secured in her own head, and beamed back at him.

 

“It was amazing!Coruscant was beautiful, and I won my first race on the simulators on the first try!”This would have been something Kira would have sulked about, but surely a topic in which Kylin would have boasted.

 

“First try, eh?” He rustled her hair and she sighed, it seemed wherever she would go, whoever she was, people had the urge to do that. “Well, I want to know the full story, let’s go to the sitting area— I’m sure you're hungry— we’ll have some dinner made and we’ll have it served there.”

 

“Dinner in the sitting area?” Leia smirked, liking the sound of the idea.

 

“If I have to sit at a proper dining table any time in the near future... it will be too soon.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m not cut out for all this political showcasing they’ve been putting me through in Kylin’s absence.”

 

“They are trying to win you without the distractions of your family, Ben,” Leia scoffed and her son returned to his full standing position, dwarfing both of them.“I’m sure the Arkanis Senators have been the most persistent?”

 

“You wouldn’t be wrong in that assumption.”He waved both of them to follow as he left the room, going back into the hall. 

 

To say she was in shock would be an understatement.She was in absolute awe.This whole place was like some absurd dream and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to wake up. She had a hard time imagining Kylin growing up in a place like this, or anyone for that matter. 

 

They reached the sitting room after a few turns and Ben instructed a pair of droids to bring them something from the kitchen.Leia and the man took their seats on a maroon sofa that had a wooden table before it and Kira hesitated before sitting on the floor on the opposite side.

 

“You know, we have chairs,” Leia said, with a slight grin.

 

“I don’t mind sitting on the floor,” Kira replied, realizing that for a princess this must have been quite strange. “It’ll be easier to eat when food comes!”

 

“I suppose so,” the woman smiled and Ben leaned in slightly.

 

“So, what your favorite part?” he said and Kira felt like her tongue had dried up again, “of all the courses and simulations, what was your favorite?”

 

She thought for a moment and swallowed, “I liked flying the freighters, the YT-1300 was my favorite!”Kira had almost always picked that ship when they were free to choose, for it had been her favorite model long before she had gone to Coruscant, for that happened to be the ship she had grown up on.She picked it constantly during simulation training so she’d be ready to fly that ship as soon as her mother let her back on Lothal.

 

Ben immediately choked on his Tea and Leia’s eyes twitched.Kira watched them curiously and she wondered if they somehow knew about the Falcon.They certainly seemed like they knew the model well, and something about mentioning it had shocked them. 

 

“What an interesting choice. Old,” Leia stammered, taking a sip of her drink.

 

“It’s fast and get’s the job done!” Kira smirked and Leia stared at her.

 

“You sound just like your grandfather,” she whispered, a soft curl coming over her mouth while Ben frowned. Leia looked over at her son, then back to Kira, “that was the ship he used to fly, the YT-1300.”

 

“R-Really?” Kira said with a stutter.

 

“Piece of garbage, really,” Leia laughed and while Ben had remained suspiciously silent.“But he loved that thing, I guess it was in his blood, though, since you seem to like them too.”

 

“What else happened while you were there?” Ben was keen on changing the subject.

 

“Um, I made a bunch of new friends…” Kira obliged to the change, “One of our teachers was a Torgruta, and I met a girl from Pantora!”While Kira was used to Alien species on Lothal, Birren was clearly almost exclusively human from Kylin’s stories. 

 

The service droids came and went with plates of wonderful smelling food, and the two adults continued to interrogate Kira about every aspect of the last few weeks. She tried stuffing her mouth as often as possible to avoid speaking, trying to avoid saying the wrong thing, but the questions kept coming and kept waiting for responses.

 

Threepio had thankfully sauntered by sometime during their meal, with a blue Astromech rolling at his side. That must have been Artoo, Kira reminded herself.

 

Soon Threepio, without being asked, began to recount his adventures on Coruscant and while Ben and Leia seemed to tire of it quite quickly, Kira accepted the much-needed relief of attention. She listened to the droids tale as it went on and on, and with her now full stomach, she felt her eyes start to drift, letting out a giant yawn.

 

“You must be exhausted, dear,” Leia said after Kira had let out another tired sigh.

 

“Oh no, I’m fine! I…uh… slept on the flight here,”she exclaimed.

 

“The daylight hours are much different on Birren than on Coruscant.It's probably for the best that you go to your room and get to bed,” Leia added, as all of them stood. 

 

A sense of panic washed over her as she realized she had no idea where her room was.Her father and grandmother began to make their way from the area and she watched as Threepio began to saunter away as well.

 

“Uh, Threepio!” She shouted before he got too far, “Did all of my luggage make it to my room?”

 

“Of course, princess,” he said with a subtle jolt.

 

“Well, uh, Threepio, I think you should show me where everything was put.There was a lot of luggage and it might take some time to find what items are in which bag without some help.”

 

“Oh, of course, princess, I made sure all of your luggage was sorted and organized before we left, so it shouldn’t be an issue.”

 

She breathed a sigh of relief as the robot began to strut forward, and Kira followed slightly behind. 

 

After a couple of extended hallways and a staircase they reached the room and found the packed necessities that she would need for the night.Threepio left after a job-well-done and Kira pulled on her sleep clothes.She flopped onto the bed as there was a quick knock on the door.

 

“Come in!” she said without thinking, and the door swung open to reveal the silhouette of her father, who was now in much more relaxed clothing himself. He walked over to her bedside and bent down slightly as Kira buried herself in her covers.

 

“Next time you leave, I’m going with you,” he sighed with a low laugh, “I’m not sure how much I can stand of these people when you aren’t here.”

 

Kira couldn’t relate to the context but she appreciated the sentiment, although it took her a moment to realize it wasn’t really meant for her. 

 

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he said, brushing his hand over her forehead.“I missed you, kid.”

 

“I missed you too,” she managed to whisper, and she felt like that was the first time she hadn’t lied all evening.

 

He flipped off the lights and left the room. 

 

Kira tossed around for what felt like hours, knowing she hadn’t slept well in weeks, but still unable to go under.Kylin’s room was daunting, to say the least, in terms of the size alone it was intimidating.It was far bigger than any of the rooms on the falcon and bigger than most of the apartments on base.It was large but also empty.Regal.To be honest, while she hadn’t known her grandmother and father for more than a few hours, the decor didn’t seem to fit them either. They didn't seem to care too much about the elaborateness of it all, just dealt with it out of obligation. She flopped once more and stared out the window which had moonlight streaming in. She slid out of her bed and walked to the sill. The view was pretty, full of gardens.It was hard to make out clearly but in the light from the stars shown beautiful green shrubbery lined with alien purple flowers that she’d never known to exist.Lothal, while not totally barren of color, wasn’t the most lively either.Coruscant had introduced her to more landscape, but at the planet’s root, it was still very metallic, and on a military base you grew used to metal very quickly. 

 

After a few moments, she smirked as an idea struck her.Certainly, it had gotten late enough that the house would be empty by now, she could sneak around and familiarize herself with the place. Study the estate.

 

She peeked out the door, making sure it was clear, and slipped out into the elegant hall.The red carpeting and golden interior looking much less regal in the night. The excess space made Kira uneasy, she wasn’t used to so much having so little purpose.She scampered down the hall and ducked behind a curtain when she heard a noise from around the corner.A service droid, beeping melodically, passed without notice and as soon as it was out of sight Kira sprinted forward. 

 

She made it to the hall in which she was first welcomed to the home and gazed across the line of past monarchs.Kylin had informed her that royalty on Birren wasn’t as standard as it was on other planets.That the only reason they even lived there was because their grandmother was once the princess of one of the planets that colonized Birren, so none of these past monarchs would have any relation.She went down portrait after portrait until she reached one that read, ‘Organa’.That was Kylin’s last name, and her grandmother’s, and assuringly her father’s. 

 

‘In memory of Bail and Brea Organa, leaders of Alderaan and inspirers of hope’.

 

Kira blinked at the portrait.A handsome man stood in politicians clothes behind a stunning sitting woman who was dressed far more exquisitely. They didn’t look much like Leia, but she supposed Kylin did mention her grandmother was adopted.Adopted but still seen as the true heir of Alderaan, and therefore Birren.She gazed up at the painting one last time and bowed her head in a short moment of gratitude before leaving the gallery.

 

Room after room, each area that Kira had peeked her head into proved that the house was more museum than a home.Relics of the lost planet of Alderaan placed as shrines and mementos from Arkanis lined the halls.She read each of the inscribed plates to try to absorb as much information as she could, but none were particularly interesting. She continued to peek into doors until she reached the office in which she first met her father.Kira hesitated, knowing it was probably wrong to go snooping, but the holo-pad left on his desk seemed to call to her. Whether or not this could be attributed to the force or childhood curiosity she could not tell but she slipped into the office closing the door behind her.

 

The device lit up and Kira brought her hand in the air the scroll down the list of vids, bits, and clips that had been saved on the machine.Reading the subject line of a few they were mostly recordings of political meetings, messages from the senators, and other formal responses, but then she noticed a large skip in dates and a small handful of unlabeled vids appeared.She looked closer at the dates and her eyes widened, they were files from two months before she was born. 

 

She knew she shouldn’t.She knew there was so much beyond the surface of her parent's secrecy that this may not have been the answer she wanted to see.It may have been nothing, though, just a normal transmission, and before she had any more time to reason with herself she selected the first one. 

 

“Is it on?” a familiar voice called out as the screen came into focus. Kira smiled almost uncontrollably as Poe came on screen. He didn’t look much different, maybe fewer lines around his eyes and the small gray patches around his hairline hadn’t come in yet, but it was him all the same. “You kids and your technology,” he laughed.

 

“Poe, this technology has been around longer than you have.Longer than I have.”Leia came into frame and looked down as she pressed a few buttons on the recording device.The screen focused further and more shapes appeared in the background. 

 

“What are you doing mother?” Ben begrudgingly had said from the back, mostly being blocked by Leia and Poe.

 

“Chewie wanted us to send him a message! He hasn’t seen Rey yet, and chances are he won’t be able to make it to Naboo before she has the babies!” Leia snipped back at him.

 

“Oh please, no, I’m a mess, I don’t want to be on video!”While she couldn’t see the speaker of those words, she knew it was her mother and her heart lifted. 

 

“See, she doesn’t want too,” Ben had responded and Leia turned to face them, revealing them both fully.Kira began laughing before she realized it at the sight of her mother so…round.Even her cheeks were slightly more filled out than she’d ever seen them.Her hair was down with her bangs braided back, and she was facing her father with her hands resting on her protruding stomach. If the dates were correct, she was not nearly as pregnant as she looked, but that was the price of having twins. 

 

“We’re already recording just come in!” Poe teased, presenting Rey to the camera.Then a hand landed on his shoulder and Finn pulled himself into the frame.

 

“Hey, Chewie! How’s the family back on Kashyyyk?” Finn said with a subtle hand gesture then Poe pushed him back out again.Rey turned in and waved slightly but Ben’s eyes didn’t waver from her.

 

“Kylin!” The distraction of the video must have stopped her from hearing the door behind her open, and in the dark hallways was the shadow of her father. She slammed her fist against the device so it turned off and she faced him with tears in her eyes.“What are you doing?” he asked, though it was clear he had seen enough to know what she saw.

 

“I-I-“ she stammered nervously, “I couldn’t sleep, and I saw that those vids were from before I was born-“

 

“Kylin, you know you shouldn’t be in here,” he stormed into the room snatching the pad from the table. 

 

She had no trouble admitting that a part of her was scared of him.There was an energy about him that left Kira uneasy, and she wanted to wretch at the thought that she'd messed up this badly so soon.

 

He turned the device back on and selected the dated videos the Kira had revealed.His mouth twitched with hesitation before he deleted them all and Kira reached forward and mourned for the memories lost. 

 

“You didn’t have to delete them,” she murmured with a choked back sob.

 

(If Ben was honest with himself, he should have deleted them years ago.He’d watched them so many times that there wasn’t a single new piece of information or solace he could gain from them.)

 

“It’s best you can't come across them,” he said, sliding the holo-pad back into his drawer.

 

“Why not?” She squeaked, still shaken by his appearance.

 

“You don’t think I would have shown those to you if I didn't have reasons?” There was restraint in his voice, weariness, exhaustion.

 

I don’t know.I don’t know you. Kira thought to herself, almost bitterly. 

 

“I… just wanted to know if she was there.Where she was.”

 

“We can’t know that right now, sweetheart.” He said this like he had said it a thousand times, either to himself or to Kylin.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because the second I find out, it would take an army to stop us from going to go get her.”He knelt down in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders.“Believe that we don’t know right now for a reason, and it’s important.”

 

It took every fiber of Kira’s being not to shout that she was on Lothal.She was on a military base on the northern east hemisphere that was a standard hours trip from the capital.She was there with Kylin, and she was Kira, and that this whole thing could be over with.

 

“There are people who want to hurt her,” he continued and Kira’s mouth slammed shut, “I know this is hard, but I promise you, one day you will understand.”

 

Kira’s heart thudded in her chest, and just like that, everything became too overwhelming and she flung herself at him.Clinging around his neck and letting herself cry.She didn’t want her mother, or Kylin, to be put in any danger, she just wanted to meet him. 

 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he said as he lifted her up into the air, “just know that whatever we do, we are doing it to protect you. Not hurt you.” 

 

She hugged him tighter as he carried her from the office, going back down the halls to the sleeping rooms of the house.

 

They reached her room and he set her carefully on the bed.“Now, go to sleep, and no more sneaking out.”

 

Kira buried herself in the covers as her father knelt at her bedside, resting his head on the comforter, beginning to doze off himself. 

 

“I’m sorry, Papa,” she said as she wiped her face with the blankets before closing her eyes.

 

“mhrrfff,” he grunted, half asleep already.

 

—

 

Her father wasn’t there when she woke up.Understandably so, because she doubted sleeping on his knees hunched over a bed was very comfortable.After taking in the view of the room in the daylight, Kira hopped out of bed and sauntered over to Kylin’s drawers for something to wear for the day.

 

Kira looked at Kylin’s wardrobe with disgust.It was horrible.Every outfit was frilly and flared and Kira audibly groaned at every single one.She tossed on a knee-length white dress, which, looking closer at it, was probably intended for sleepwear, but it was soft and plain, and it was still early so no one would care if it were pajamas or not. 

 

She had made it through her first night, albeit terrifying, she had made it.She trotted down the stairs back into the main hallway to her grandmother pacing near the end of it.

 

“Goodmorning, Grandmother!” Kira shouted from the distance, Leia looked up at the distraction and smiled at her.

 

“Goodmorning, sweetheart,” the woman greeted her with a hug, “it’s so nice hearing your voice in the morning again.Next time you want to leave Birren, I’m going with you.Your father was in an incredibly bad mood when you were gone, he’s been a bit of a nuisance the last few weeks.”

 

“Father can come too then,” Kira grinned, “he doesn’t like it here anyway, he said the same thing last night.”

 

A sharp cough came from behind Kira and before she turned to face it, Leia frowned sharply. 

 

“Good morning, Lady Organa,” a woman said as she entered the house, a security droid at her side.

 

“Hello, Clara,” Leia muttered, “I’ll have to reprogram those droids to make sure they inform the house before letting just anyone in, it’s quite early and we are not expecting visitors today.”

 

“They saw my credentials, they did their job just fine,” The woman looked around the house for a second before her eyes landed on Kira,“Welcome back, Lady Kylin,” the woman said, with one of the most forced smiles Kira had ever witnessed. 

 

“Who are you?” Kira said without thinking, for it was clear she should have known who it was.She felt a soft pat on the back of her head.

 

“Be nice,” Leia said under her breath.

 

“Um, thank you?” Kira responded.

 

“Now what can we owe this pleasure, Miss Sindain,” Leia sighed, her charm was as equally faked.

 

“I have some matters to discuss with your son about the upcoming Senate hearing.”

 

“He’s mentioned the hearing, but alas, you are not the Senate.”

 

“Well, no, but I represent the people of Arkanis and was sent on their behalf.” 

 

“Will the Alderaan representatives be joining you?”

 

“Perhaps, if the matters of Birren’s stance on the bill cannot be settled by today’s discussion.”

 

Leia glared, and Kira’s eyes narrowed as well. “Very well, he is in his office at the end of the hall.Should he be expecting you?”

 

“I’m sure he won’t mind,” the woman said with a slight snarl of her mouth. 

 

Kira liked most people.Tag Brance was the one exception.Until now. 

 

 

 

Thanks for checking in!!!! I have a lot written for the next part so hopefully the wait won't be long. GO GO GO.

 

Also guys, don't worry, I don't write love triangles, I don't do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inexorably-drawn-to-you.tumblr.com


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the erratic upload schedule! But since this fic is done, I'm just gonna upload whenever I have the chance :D

“You have to tell me everything!”Rey started, leaning forward against the unactivated game table aboard the Falcon, which was now being used for sandwiches.

 

Kylin had been nearly frozen in place for the last standard hour.Afraid every movement or word would be a dead giveaway of her true self.While Kira and herself had gone through every detail of their lives to make this exchange possible, certainly, they had missed something.She pushed her shoulders forward to obtain the appropriate posture to emulate her sister and wiped on a nervous grin.

 

“It was amazing! I met a ton of new friends, and I learned how to fly almost ten different ships!You’ll have to let me show you!” She watched her mother's reaction, and nothing she said seemed to trigger anything suspicious.She took a deep breath.“Maybe on a real ship this time!”

 

“You can show me on the simulators for a few more years,” Rey sighed with a soft smile, “then maybe we can take a ship.”

 

Kylin laughed and took a bite of her sandwich.Her mother lifted an eyebrow and giggled alongside her.

 

“You usually fight me more on that kind of stuff,” she said and Kylin stopped mid-bite. Barely any time had passed since she’d made it to Lothal and she feared she had already blown it. “This is music to my ears.”She popped a biscuit in her mouth and Kylin’s muscles relaxed again. 

 

“Hey, kiddo!”Poe, the man who had picked her up on Coruscant, snuck up from behind and ruffled the child’s hair.Somehow he managed to get onto the ship without anyone noticing.“You wouldn’t believe how quiet this one was on our flight back,” he said, turning to face Rey, “barely said four sentences to me.”

 

The truth was Kylin hadn’t quite mastered Kira’s accent and was avoiding speaking as much as humanly possible.It was easier to adapt to it when she could echo her mother’s inflection, but it was much more difficult to adapt to it when speaking to a man who shared the same speech patterns as her and her father.“I’m exhausted!” Kylin exclaimed, “I barely slept the entire time I was away!” 

 

“It must have been like a sleepover every night in those dormitories,” Poe laughed, squeezing next to the girl on the cushioned booth. "Reminds me of my days at the Republic Academy." 

 

“I guess so,” Kylin muttered.In the short about of time she was in the community dorms with the other girls they had been chatty, of course, but it never resulted in losing too much sleep.It wasn’t until she moved in with Kira when those sleeping hours disappeared.

 

“Why don’t you lay down then?” Rey soothed and Kylin’s eyes darted towards her.“It’s almost time for bed anyway, I’m sure you could use the extra hours. You had a long flight.”

 

“Oh, I- I guess,” she responded.

 

“I think this is the first time you’ve agreed to go to bed earlier too!Your time away has changed you,” Her mother joked but Kylin’s heart felt like it was about to fall out of her chest.

 

“I think I’m just tired, I’ll be back to my old self in no time,” she tried saying in return jest.

 

Her mother just smirked and began to gather the plates in front of them, and the three left the booth.Rey signaled for Poe to wait for her to return and the pair of them headed towards Kira’s room.

 

It was strange to see such simple living conditions.She didn’t mind it, though. Kira’s room was quite bland, metal walls with metal floors, and the bed was small, around the same size as the ones back on Coruscant.She scampered over to the mattress and plopped down on it with a slight bounce.

 

Rey knelt before her as she began to bury herself in the blankets, which surprisingly, weren’t too bad.

 

“Goodnight, my love,” Rey said with a yawn, tucking a tendril of her daughter's hair behind her ear, “I might not be far behind you, I haven’t slept well since you’ve been away.”

 

“I’m sorry,” she said guiltily, knowing it hadn’t much to do with her anyway.

 

“Oh, don’t be! It’s my own fault for worrying so much. You are much too reckless for me not to worry.”

 

Kylin just giggled, because that sounded like Kira, and said with a matching yawn, “Goodnight, mum.”

 

“See you in the morning,” Rey said as she left, and Kylin began the close her eyes.The stress from the initial switch and the first day beginning to fade and the door to the room hissed closed.

 

—

 

“It must be good to have Kira back home,” Poe said, leaning against the corridor wall as Rey exited.

 

“It’s wonderful, remind me to never listen to you about letting her leave again,” she wasn’t completely serious, but she may have been harboring some truth behind her words. They stood in silence outside the room for a few seconds before Poe continued.

 

“Has she brought him up yet? I know you said that you’d tell her more once she returned home.”

 

Rey swallowed. “No, surprisingly.I thought it would be the first words from her mouth.”

 

“You seem to be doing alright,” he said.

 

“I think so,” she chuckled at her own hesitation.

 

“Think?”

 

“This is so new, I don't know how I’m feeling about it yet.But I think it’s nice.”Rey said with a signaling wave and they began to walk back to the recreation room of the Falcon.“Almost like, if we begin to address it, things will change, it will be able to go back to how it is supposed to be.”

 

“That’s good to hear,” Poe said, but his face contradicted his words.

 

"So how was Finn?"

 

 

—

 

 

The next day Kylin was awakened by a loud metal clatter coming from somewhere on the ship, she jumped out of bed and ran out into the hall, where she could hear frustrated murmurs coming from the kitchen nook.She peeked around the opening to find her mother sitting near a pile of cooking accessories and the woman lit up when she turned to spot her daughter.

 

“Oh good, you are awake!” She exclaimed with a smile before it immediately faded, “Oh no, I didn’t wake you did I?”

 

“A little,” Kylin laughed.

 

“I was going to try to make a special ‘welcome home’ breakfast, but then the pots and pans decided to remind me first hand that I can’t cook.”She gestured to the fallen kitchenware around her. “I think even the Force knows I shouldn’t be near a stove.”

 

“The Force works in mysterious ways,” Kylin added and her eyes widened in joy as that merited a laugh from her mother.

 

“It sure does, my love.” Rey stood from where she was, and moved the pots to the side with her foot to be cleaned up later, “Now, since breakfast isn’t going to as planned, why don’t we go to the mess hall and grab whatever they are serving up there?”

 

Kylin nodded as her mother placed a hand on her shoulder and began to lead them both out into the main hall. A ringing sound filled the corridor and Rey sighed.

 

“Why don’t you go ahead, I’ll meet you over there. That’s probably a call I should take, a new ship flying in.” She walked with Kylin to the loading dock and left to run towards the cockpit. 

 

Kylin started her way down, slowly, for she really had no idea where to go from here.She took a few lazy steps away from the ship before she heard voices come her way.

 

“Kira! You’re back!” A group of children around her age, a boy, and two girls ran up to her.“Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“Um…” Kylin hesitated, Kira had mentioned her friends on base, but it was very hard to sort them, “I’ve been exhausted, I’ve barely been able to keep my eyes open for longer than a few minutes.”

 

“Did you get to fly a real ship?” The boy asked.He was stocky with sandy brown hair and olive skin. 

 

“Oh no, just simulators, but they were really nice! The ones they train real pilots in!”

 

“That’s amazing! The ones here are breaking down by the handful.I want to go to Coruscant too.”

 

“It’s really amazing, the skies at night light up a thousand different colors, and their cities are built on top of each other!”

 

“Whoa,” the chorus of children replied, and Kylin smiled satisfactorily to herself at the small audience she had obtained, perhaps, for the first time, an audience actually interested in what she had to say.Not just politicians interested in schmoozing her father and grandmother. 

 

“You need to tell us more! Are you coming to breakfast?”

 

“I was going to wait for my mum, but she might be awhile,” Kylin said, suddenly fearing that too much alone time with these new people would bring up even more opportunities to mess up.

 

“She’ll meet us there!” one of the girls with springy hair said grabbing Kylin's hand and beginning to drag her alongside them.She stumbled a bit but eventually joined their quick pace towards the main base. 

 

She continued to follow them into the mess hall, where a few other children waved them over to the table they were all already sitting at.A table slightly shorter than the other ones in the room.They were all happily chatting amongst themselves as Kylin prayed to be left out of their banter.She didn’t mind just listening and being company, the only thing she feared was revealing too much.They grabbed their chairs and sat while a service droid dropped a bowl of brown slop in front of them.

 

The other children began to eat without hesitation. Kylin, not wanting to draw too much attention to herself, lifted the bowl to her face and sniffed it.It surprisingly smelled sweet, and not that grotesque. 

 

She grabbed her spoon and just as she was about to admit to herself that maybe it wasn’t too bad tasting her head began to thrum.She winced and luckily no one had seemed to notice.Her mind was a fog, and suddenly she couldn’t even make out the room around her.The fully formed people in the room soon became just silhouettes and her head echoed with the sounds of low murmurs, all indistinct until one voice became painfully clear.

 

“Looks like Rey’s girl is back,” someone had said.

 

“She really is the spitting image of him,” another one added.

 

“Be careful who you say that too, you don’t want to end up like Teslin.You’ll get a black eye for saying that.”

 

“What? I feel bad the for the kid.The whole base knows what happened, and she’s oblivious to it.Rey knows that her lack of a denial was basically a confirmation.”

 

Kylin felt her blood begin to boil.The room was still filled with mist in her mind’s eye but she turned to try to find the source of the voices. Two silhouettes seemed to glow from the back of the room and she focused on them.

 

“General Organa disappeared the moment Rey arrived with her, haven't seen her since,probably couldn’t deal with the constant reminder of what a monster her son turned out to be.”

 

“She still defended him in trial, somehow got that traitor out on exile. I guess a mother’s love is unconditional.”

 

“You have a prime example of that in front of you, Rey’s a much stronger person than I. I don’t think I could ever force myself to love a child that was part… inhuman.”

 

The bowl dropped from her hands and landed with a clang onto the table and suddenly all of her peer's eyes were on her.Kylin’s nails dug into her palms and they uncontrollably constricted tighter and tighter until she could feel blood begin to drip from them. 

 

“Kira, are you okay?” Another voice rang out and suddenly the fog her mind had created began to dissipate. The girl sitting next to her at the table was prodding her shoulder.

 

“No, I don’t feel very well,”Kylin murmured as she released her fists to them clutch her stomach, realizing that she had just gotten blood all over her clothes. “I must still be tired.”

 

“You are bleeding!” The girl said, grabbing Kylin’s palms to look at them.

 

“I- I tripped this morning,” she covered, looking at the nail marks then hiding her hands from view.“I think I’m going to go home, er, to the ship.”Kylin stood and her legs wobbled.She tried her best to hold down sick as she focused around the room, gazing for the exit, but her mind hadn’t totally cleared yet.

 

Instead of an exit, she focused on two men in the back of the cafeteria.To Kylin, their aura’s shown dark as they quickly glanced over and made eye contact before casually looking away.

 

'I don’t think I could ever force myself to love a child that was part… inhuman'

 

Kylin continued to stare at them.Not caring any longer if they knew she was glaring so obviously. The floor around her began to shake and the mess hall chatter quieted.

 

“Earthquake!” A few people in the room spoke up once the loud clatter of falling trays and pans echoed throughout the room. The children ducked underneath the table, as they were probably once instructed to do, and called for Kira to join them. 

 

But Kylin couldn't hide from the earthquake.She was the earthquake. The two men in the back of the room, who had been too loose with their tongues, flew off their chairs, slamming into the back wall. She focused on them even harder as they scrambled to their feet and then both of them froze, terrified, as though their lives were flashing before them. 

 

“Kira!”

 

And everything stopped.Everything settled back to the floor and the room was filled with shocked silence before it began to chirp with the relieved voices that the quake had ended. 

 

The fog that clouded Kylin’s mind refused to subside, and it soon overwhelmed her as she saw a pair of shadows run towards her, before darkness. 

 

When she woke, she was in her own bed, well, Kira’s bed, and her mother had been leaning over the foot of it resting her eyes in her folded arms.

 

“Mum?” She sat up and tapped Rey’s forehead.Her mother blinked for a moment, then darted straight up.

 

“Are you alright, love?” she said urgently, placing the back of her hand against her forehead to check for some sort of a fever.

 

“What… what happened?” Kylin murmured. 

 

“I don’t know, people think you were spooked by the earthquake,” her mother responded, worried.“Kira, what do you remember?”

 

“Not much.”

 

“Please try.”

 

“I remember being angry.” The memories began to flood back to her and a painful feeling in her gut returned, “I heard some people saying bad things.I got angry.They were lying.”

 

Rey looked at her, “were they saying things like what Tag said to you before you left for camp?”

 

Kylin didn’t quite know what her mother was referring too, but apparently, Kira had dealt with something similar before.She simply nodded and Rey pulled her into her arms.

 

“Come on, love, let’s go get some fresh air.”

 

 

 

—

 

 

“I know we don’t talk about your… abilities very often,” Rey said as she sat in the middle of a small grassy clearing just out of the base.She pulled her daughter into her lap and embraced her softly. “And that is my fault, I was just hoping things wouldn’t escalate so quickly with you.It took me-“She stopped herself, “But you and I both know what happened back there wasn’t an earthquake.”

 

Kylin didn’t respond, but she bobbed her head.

 

“Some people are gifted with the Force, it exists in all of us, but some people, like you, can manipulate it.Control its energy.It’s a gift, but it can be very dangerous.”She was beginning to sound like Kylin's Father. “It’s connected to your emotions, I know it may be difficult to control, and I am going to start working with-“

 

“Mum,” Kylin said, cutting her off, “why were they saying those things about dad?”

 

“I… I don’t know, love,” she responded.A small breeze ran through the fields and Rey shivered.“Your father, much like you, is strong with the force.” Kylin perked up to look back at her mother, though she knew it well herself, she knew this was something Kira was never told, “he, well, he scared some people a long time ago, and some people are still scared of him.”

 

“Why can’t you use it?”

 

“Use what?”

 

“The Force.”

 

“Um, well,” Rey stammered nervously, breaking any eye contact she had with her daughter, “not everyone can use it.”

 

It was clear she was hiding something, and she was tempted to pry further, but she resisted because there was another question that was far more pressing to her.

 

“But why would they say that? Dad loves you!” Kylin feared she had said too much, but if she had, it had gone unnoticed.

 

“Not a lot of people are willing to look past the surface once someone makes a mistake,” Rey said with a subtle stroke of her daughter's hair, still slightly uneasy. 

 

“Will people forgive me?”She said, picking meekly at the small blades of grass around her.

 

“Oh, of course, my love,” Rey clarified, “they will know how sorry you are, how sweet you are, and that you didn’t mean it. But for now, let’s hope they continue to think it was just an earthquake.” 

 

“I was really mad.They were telling lies.”

 

“The only people who need to know the truth is us, and we know that what they said wasn’t true.Your father loves us all very much.”

 

Us all. 

 

Her chin quivered.Her mother was acknowledging her, the real her, not just Kira.She knew it. She felt it. She shifted in her mother’s lap to wrap her arms around her neck and hug her again, letting the few tears that had begun to pool to fall. 

 

Just then a small loth cat popped out of the fields and made it’s way to the mother and child.It cocked its head for a moment before smiling with its clownishly big mouth.It scampered up to them and purred as it rubbed its head against Kylin’s feet. 

 

“Loth Cats have always seemed to like you, Kira.”

 

And as if it were on queue the animal backed up and sniffed her. With a small growl, the animal skitted back into the tall grass and disappeared.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

“Do you have the names ready?” A nurse droid asked and Ben turned to his wife, still in a medical bed, dazed at the child in her arms.

 

“Rey?” He nudged her after a moment in which she hadn’t responded.

 

“Oh yes, of course.”She snapped up when her attention was gathered but then back to the child.She began to touch her new daughter’s face sweetly, and she whispered, “now what is your name?” The baby wiggled and Rey laughed at the child’s response.“Her name is Kira.” 

 

“That’s a beautiful name,” the droid beeped as it inputted the data. 

 

Ben rocked the second child in his own arms next to her, and Rey gazed over to him.They had discussed a long list of names in the past, but looking at the child now, none were right for her. 

 

“And the other baby's name?”

 

Rey studied the second girl, how she struggled to keep her eyes open but was so eager to look at the world around her.She fussed a bit but calmed after a few moments after her father pressed a soft kiss to the dark fuzz on top of her head. 

 

“Kylin.”

 

Ben froze and looked over at Rey, who just nodded at him in assurance she knew what she was doing. 

 

“Great, I’ll go input these on the records.”The droid turned and rolled out of the medical room, leaving the two alone.

 

“Why-“ Ben started but Rey hushed him.

 

“I have my reasons, and that’s her name.” 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

“Muuuuum,” Kylin groaned, extending the vowel sound in exasperation, “this is boring, and I don’t feel any different.”

 

She had made it a full week on Lothal without any more hell breaking loose.Perhaps that was because she was stuck doing these stupid meditation exercises every day, and meditation called for a lot of solitude and very little talking.

 

“Kira, it’s because you keep losing focus.”Her mother was sitting next to her in the large clearing, as she did every day this past week. 

 

Kylin usually looked forward to any opportunity to train with the Force back on Birren, but her mother seemed to prefer much different methods than her father when it came to teachings. While meditation hadn’t been ignored in her lessons back home, at least she’d get to practice whipping around a wooden sword by the of the day. 

 

“Let’s do something fun! Like making stuff float,” Kylin gently reached out in front of her, and her mother swatted her hand down.

 

“Kira, this is important.”

 

“But we’ve been doing this forever,” she sighed again, placing her chin in her palms with puffed cheeks. 

 

“Do you want to have another incident like last week?” Rey said with a slight bite, her own patience wearing thin. 

 

“No,” she huffed, and she closed her eyes and starting counting her breaths again. She knew her mother was right, that practices like this may help avoid catastrophe in the future, but again, a part of Kylin knew catastrophe was inevitable.

 

She started thinking about Kira, the real Kira, and how she was doing on Birren.Hopefully, things were going well, and she hadn’t had any incidents like Kylin had experienced.A selfish part of her hoped Kira would have slipped up by now and one of these mornings she would have been awakened by both her father and sister showing up on Lothal, but if Kira managed to stay quiet, so would Kylin. After all, there must have been a reason for all of this.Something beyond a petty feud. It was then she realized that the day would come that they would have to switch back, though that part of the plan hadn’t been discussed more than an acknowledgment. Would they have to tell the truth then? Or could it somehow happen without that happening? Could they possibly go back living their normal lives knowing what they knew?That answer was no, she knew that.But she spared further thoughts of it for the time being for something in her mind's eye became distracting.

 

It was suddenly as if she had opened her eyes.But she wasn’t on Lothal.She was… home?In the gardens.With her grandmother. 

 

But this wasn’t a memory, certainly not. She would never wear those shoes with that dress.Maybe this was just a longing daydream of sorts, a vision caused by homesickness.Leia was gesturing softly to the skies, and she couldn’t quite make out what she was saying, but it seemed to be a pleasant conversation.Filled with pleasant murmurs and giggles and the scent of flowers. 

 

That’s when it hit her.

 

It was Kira.It wasn’t Kylin. She had found a way to connect with Kira.She felt her heart begin to pound and she tried to pull her focus in further, to try to get Kira to acknowledge her. She tried to stay grounded, tried to stay longer, but soon her vision went black and her eyes opened for real.She was back on Lothal, in the clearing with her mother who was peacefully sitting next to her, her eyes still closed. She hadn’t noticed anything. 

 

“Mum?”

 

“Yes, my love,” she sounded a little exasperated, but softer than before.

 

“Can we go somewhere today, maybe the city?”

 

"You need to focus, Kira," Her eyes opened and she cocked her head to look at her daughter curiously, who was looking up at her with large pleading eyes, “Seriously? You never want to go to the city.”

 

She didn’t even care if she wasn’t acting in character, she wanted to go do something with her mother.Something other than sitting in silence in a field.A feeling of caution washed over her with the breeze, and she something told her this peace wouldn’t last much longer.“It may be fun this time.”

 

“Well, then who am I to say no?”She laughed. 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Lothal was strange. The capital city was no different.

 

Rey had made it a priority for them to stop at the local grocer and picked up a variety of oddly shaped foods and fruits that were quite foreign to Kylin.She would have assumed they were items local to the planet but her mother’s curious examinations of the food as well seemed to contradict this.

 

“It’s going to be fun to try to figure out how to eat this,” her mother laughed putting a hard-shelled fruit covered in spikes into a woven basket.

 

“You don’t know how?”

 

“I have a new lesson for you, never pass up eating new foods,” she said, inspecting another oddity before throwing it in the basket.“These must be new imports. I haven’t seen them around here before.”

 

“They look weird.”

 

“The weird ones are always the best ones.” She turned to smile at her daughter. “Or at least will serve for the best stories.”

 

Kylin grinned in return and ran over to a filled barrel and grabbed what was inside.It almost shined like a rainbow, but it was not nearly as dangerous looking the other items.It was assuringly just a tree berry that probably wouldn’t poison her. “I’ll try this one then!”

 

“Perfect, then put it in the basket.”

 

Kylin dunked it in and they continued onward.After filling the basket to it’s fullest potential and handing the seller his deserved credits they walked back onto the dusty streets where alien species of all kind were bargaining off their goods.

 

Kylin walked passed the different street sellers and gawked, grasping tightly to her mother's hand.This was unlike any city she had ever seen, while she had seen very few. On the few occasions she had left the palace grounds she had been to the heart of Birren, and she only really witnessed Coruscant from afar.But they were far more structured and technological than Lothal. 

 

Each booth sold something different.Something always ‘exotic’ and ‘rare’ as they tried to entice buyers into their stands. Mostly furniture or other antiques, a couple weapon stands, and further forward is where they displayed and sold Lothal fashion. 

 

She couldn’t say she particularly liked the Lothal fashion sense, it was far more intended for usefulness and purpose rather than beauty. She gazed over the displays of farmers gear and military stock before her eyes landed on something of interest.

 

A dress.Red and woven, with gold patterns placed within the fabric.It had long sleeves with rounded cuffs that certainly would be too long on her, but it was the first thing she saw here that was pretty.Really pretty.

 

Her gaze must have lasted too long for it caught her mother's attention.“Do you like it?”

 

Kylin knew Kira didn’t care much for fashion or clothes, so she knew it was best for her to deny any interest and move on, but before she could she felt herself nodding and humming in agreement.

 

“Really?” Her mother sounded almost surprised. Not almost. Very surprised.

 

“I… I guess not.” Kylin stammered, coming to her senses. Well, Kira’s senses.

 

“Let’s go try it on.You never want new clothes, and I’ve been dying to get you to wear something other than those old tunics.” 

 

“It’s okay, mum, we don’t have too. It’ll be too big”

 

“I never got new clothes as a kid,forget anything that was this nice!And, if you are anything like your... trust me, you’ll grow.Let’s just go try it on!”She leaned in with a sing-song voice.“I know you want too.I know that look.”

 

Kylin looked down at her feet.It would be the first time she would have gotten to wear anything pretty since arriving on Lothal, and she did like getting dressed up.“Okay,” she said as an admission and Rey brought the dress down from the Rack. 

 

The shopkeeper led the duo back to a small curtained alcove for changing and Kylin shucked off her old clothes and slid the garment over her head.Big, just slightly, but it felt wonderful against her skin. She stepped out from behind the curtain to display herself and her mother let out a playful gasp.

 

“You look beautiful, darling.” She smiled as Kylin twirled about.“It’s yours if you want it, consider it an early Life Day gift.”

 

Mid-spin, she hesitated again.But after a quick glance at the mirror set up before her, and a look back at her mother, who was beaming at the sight, she nodded. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to take her mother back to Birren when all of this was said in done, but she could have this.She could have something to look back on if they couldn’t stay together like this. 

 

The shopkeeper spoke in a way that Kylin didn’t understand, but her mother responded as if it were her primary language.They bantered pleasantly back and forth and Rey pulled out the credits from her bag and the shopkeeper bowed in gratitude. 

 

“Should I take it off?” Kylin said as they turned to leave the shop, quickly gathering her old clothes in her hands.

 

“Wear it home,” Rey said with a smile.“People on base may not recognize you, you look like a whole new Kira.”

 

And somehow, somewhere, Kylin felt Kira roll her eyes.

 

 

 

— 

 

 

 

As she had always known, the peace would not last. 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Dreams plagued her that night, the first time they had since her arrival on Lothal.She dreamt she was back on Birren as she had earlier that day, but it was different now, she wasn’t seeing through Kira’s eyes but her own. She was outside of the palace, looking up at the sky, a sky which was usually clear was now filled with dark clouds. But she soon realized they weren’t clouds at all, but ships.Ships unlike she had ever seen that took up the entire horizon, giant and pointed like spearheads as they were heading towards her and she turned to run but discovered she wasn’t alone. 

 

Her father was closer to the palace gates, he was kneeling with his hands placed on Kira’s shoulders.

 

“Run, just run as far as you can!”

 

“I’m not leaving!” Kira screamed, grasping onto his arms. 

 

“You have too, sweetheart! You need to run.”

 

“Are you going to be okay?”

 

“You just need to leave, go, find your mother and sister, and get as far away from here as you can.Leave Birren.Now!”He turned her around and began to push her forward, despite her protests.

 

The sound of blaster fire filled the air and suddenly Kylin was back on the Falcon. Back in her bed. Covered in sweat.

 

And like that, she knew this was all over.

 

Her small legs wobbled when they hit the floor and she walked to her drawers and pulled out the red dress her mother had bought her.She held it close for a moment and headed out of her room.

 

She stood outside her mother's door, swaying slightly, nervous to even knock.She noticed her fist shake as it rose to the metal door but she squeezed her eyes shut and hit the surface. 

 

“Kira?” Her mother’s voice called in response to the noise.The door hissed open and Rey was sitting on her bed, reading something on her Holopad.

 

“Mum, I had a bad dream,” Kylin said, utterly embarrassed of how small she sounded when she admitted that. 

 

But without any sort of judgment or scolding, Rey tossed her Holopad aside and opened her arms and waited for her daughter to climb in them.Kylin stood in the doorway for a second longer before running over to her mother's bed and jumping into her embrace, doing everything in her power not to cry. 

 

“Do you want to talk about it, love?” Rey said, drawing smooth shapes into her daughters back with her fingertips.Kylin buried herself into her mother’s chest further and murmured a rejection.

 

This was more than a bad dream, she knew it, and she could do nothing to stop whatever it was from coming, her father had told her that. Visions like these were self-fulfilling.While they could be avoided naturally, as the future is always changing, the most surefire way they would happen is if you fought fate and turned against it. 

 

“It was my father,” she started and she felt her mother’s breath stop and heart begin to race.“He was… on a different planet… and it was surrounded by these big ships.The ships had begun to fire and-”she stopped. 

 

“Kira,” her mother began, expectantly, afraid of what was to come, “do you think this was just a bad dream, or did it feel different.”

 

Kylin grumbled and shrugged.

 

“Kira.” Her mother’s voice was suddenly sterner that she had ever heard it, and it became very clear that things couldn’t remain this way.Tears began streaming down her face and she audibly sobbed, staining Rey’s shirt.“What else happened? Who else was there?”

 

It was then she knew she couldn’t be Kira anymore. They had made a horrible mistake on Coruscant and this all could have been avoided.Something was going to happen and it was her fault.

 

“Kira was there.She was there.” She broke at long last and her chest felt as if it were about to collapse.

 

“You- You were with your father?”

 

“No!” She screamed, so loudly that surely the rest of the base could have heard, “Kira was. I’m not Kira. I’m not. I’m not. I’m not!”

 

“Honey, what’s going on-“ Rey was trying her best to keep her voice level for the sake of her daughter, but it was beginning to warp with her own worry.

 

“Kira and Father are in trouble and I can’t do anything about it, they are going to get hurt, I know it, I just know it!And it’s my fault, isn’t it?”

 

“What are you talking about!?”

 

“We made a mistake! I shouldn’t have come here.I should have just gone back home and forgotten this whole thing ever happened.That’s what you would have wanted, right?”

 

“Kira, you are scaring me.”

 

Kylin tried to breathe, she closed her eyes and gathered her breath but the awful pain in her chest just wouldn’t go away. It hurt so badly, and she was sure nothing hurt more than this. “Mom, I’m not Kira! I’m Kylin!” She wasn’t sure her mother could have even understood her through her broken sobs.She sniffed and blubbered and hid her face again in her mother's shirt.

 

“Wha- no,” Rey’s voice broke as her jaw began to quiver. She swallowed hard. “How do you know abou- you can’t- you… no, no,”then her nerves started to get the best of her and she started laughing through her reckless stammering.

 

“Mom, I’m serious.I’m not Kira.I haven’t been Kira!” Her grasp around her mother tightened, and she waited for the woman to push her away, but alas, she didn’t.

 

“I don’t understand,” Rey whispered, broken, with tears of her own beginning to fall.

 

“We…Kira and me… we met on Coruscant.We just sort of… figured it out I guess.But we don’t have time to talk about it, something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.I just know it.”

 

“Ky- Kylin?”The name was dry on Rey’s throat.The name that hadn’t been spoken in Maker knows how long.“I-I-“ she just sputtered, unable to process or think. 

 

“I’m so sorry, this is my fault.We should have known there was a reason that Dad and I had to leave.I know you didn’t want to be apart from us, but… I just wanted to meet you! To see you again!” 

 

But Rey didn’t say anything.Kylin waited for yelling, beratement, punishment, but it didn’t come.She didn’t say anything but looked at her with glossy eyes, still in disbelief.

 

Rey reached up to touch the girl's face.She began to trace the freckles on her skin as if she were proving it to herself that it truly wasn’t Kira before her.She tucked her daughter's hair behind her ears and her cheeks glistened from weeping.

 

“Kylin?” She asked once more, getting a nod as confirmation. "R-really?"

 

“Mom, I’m so sorry.” 

 

Silence.Then the worry, for just a tick, fell from her mother's face and it was replaced with a beaming smile, her lips still quivering. “My love, I’ve missed you so much,” she choked out, barely being able to get the words out any more than a whisper.“You’ve gotten so big.”

 

“I’m just as big as Kira,” Kylin giggled through muffled sobs.

 

“I always just thought you'd stayed small so that when I’d see you again, you’d be exactly the same like no time had passed at all.”Her embrace tightened and she kissed her forehead, “You weren’t supposed to be all grown up.It wasn’t supposed to be this long.” 

 

But then she broke the embrace, and she wiped her face with her sleeve and her face was stricken with panic. “Wait, so Kira-“

 

“Is with dad, on Birren,” Kylin confirmed.

 

“Birren?” Rey gasped, a bit confused because she wasn’t sure she had even heard of the planet.

 

“Yes, with Grandmother too,” she confided, “nothing like my dream has happened yet, I think.”She was afraid to admit the next part for some reason, “I could see Kira, during meditation today.I think I was seeing what she was seeing.”

 

“Oh.”Rey looked up at the ceiling as she absorbed that information, but then panic filled her eyes. “Oh no, oh no.”She stood from her bed and grasped the hair at the sides of her head. “So you can see her? You can feel where she is?”

 

“I guess,” Kira shrugged, “But I know where they are without the Force!”

 

“I know, my love.” Rey knelt in front of her. “But sensing someone through the Force is much different.”She leaped back up and bolted from the room without another word.Rey began to run towards the cockpit, and Kylin tripped over herself trying to keep up.

 

“Kriff!” She spouted off, and then looked back to Kylin with an apologetic look for the language, “I need a co-pilot.”

 

“I can do it!” Kylin spoke up and readied herself, but her mother’s arms stopped her from leaping into the co-pilot's chair.

 

“Ki- Kylin, this is much bigger than the both of us now, this is not the time for your first test run.”She dialed the communications panel on the ships console and a disgruntled tired voice answered.

 

“Hello…?” The man’s voice said, “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

 

“I need a pilot, Poe.Well, Co-Pilot.”

 

“Rey, what’s going on?”His grogginess faded and he snapped to attention, anxiety filling his voice. 

 

“We’re going to go find him.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so many lovely comments yesterday and new readers, and had some free time today, so bam!

Ben had spent the last three hours pacing.He didn’t quite know why, but his mind wouldn’t settle. The sit-in on the Senate briefings had been uneventful, and his mother had handled any public appearances for the day, which included the opening of a new branch to the Capital City medical bay and a line of interviews to follow, and his daughter, well, his daughter had been acting strange, and maybe that was worrying him.

 

He wasn’t used to her being so closed off to him.It was beginning to worry him.While he knew that most children would come to an age where they would begin to push their parents away, his personal experience with that wasn’t so typical, and he worried that his daughters wouldn’t be either. He shook his head, not letting thoughts of the possibility poison his mind.She was protected.She would tell him if something was wrong or if something she couldn’t see was lingering in her mind.Even if she didn’t, he would be able to sense it, right?

 

Life had begun to settle back into its usual routine after her return from Coruscant.Perhaps she was longing to see the world again, feeling too stir crazy once she had gotten a taste of it. Sure, she had been quieter than he was used too, but she had also been taking more risks. Eating new foods when they were served to her, running up and befriending the new animals that appeared in the gardens.That, in particular, piqued his interests.Perhaps her force gifts were ones with nature.He was sure she would have been gifted in premonition, but she was young, maybe it was changing.And though she was keeping it as hidden as she could, there was a change in her Force signature, he just hoped it was a natural part of her getting older.

 

And he was too afraid to talk to his mother about his own youth for advice.

 

He collapsed into his chair and fell into his palms. Groaning with passing fears and anxieties he stood back up and headed up to his daughter's bedroom, where she had been spending most of her time when she couldn’t be entertained.

 

“Kylin?”

 

He could hear her through the door, she was humming to herself and quickly went quiet once his presence was made clear.He frowned to himself as he waited for her reply.

 

“Come in!” His daughter squeaked, and when he opened the door she was standing stiffly in the center of her floor.Her arms tucked tightly at her sides as if he were a military officer.

 

“What…?” He started, a bit baffled by the sight, “alright, Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” she replied too quickly to sound believable.She scrunched up her face when she realized that fault.

 

“Kylin.I’m your father.You know you need to tell me these-“

 

“It’s really nothing, I promise, Papa!”

 

Then she smiled that cursed smile that never failed to melt his heart, but this time, it also erased his fears.

 

“I was thinking, it’s been awhile since you and I did any force training together, it might be fun to go out to the courtyard and practice.”

 

“Uh,” her fingers began to dance at her sides in hesitation, “Okay.”

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

There were a million of reasons why Kira should have said no to her father’s invitation, yet, here she was in the center of the palace courtyard holding an unsteady hand in front of her, pretending she had any idea what she was doing.

 

“Kylin, you aren’t focusing,” her father said with a slight huff, but there was more concern in his eyes than frustration.

 

The truth was, Kira was focusing, she had been doing nothing but focus since she first stepped foot on Birren. Keeping her Force Signature repressed what a constant job. A job that kept her awake a night, and distant from the people who she came here to get to know.She envied Kylin, who clearly had the easier end of their deal.Her mother wasn’t Force-sensitive, she had good instincts, but when it came to the Force she tended to avoid the subject.Of course, when Kira had first begun to show signs of her abilities in her youth, her mother had taught her suppression, but it wasn’t until she was around two people that shared her gift that she realized how much work it actually was. 

 

“Kylin, you used to be able to do this with your eyes closed.” 

 

Kira tried to steady her hand again and focus on the small pile of rocks before her.It was just a simple balancing exercise. She just needed to feel the Force and manipulate it as an extension of her limbs.She felt the energy pool at her fingertips and begin flow outward and the smaller of the two rocks began to shift, lifting ever so slightly.She smiled and let out a giddy yelp, and the rock fell back to the ground.

 

“Almost,” her father laughed, “It’s been awhile since we’ve done this, maybe it’ll take some time to get used too.”

 

“That must be it,” she chimed in with an awkward snort.

 

“Or maybe…”

 

“Or maybe what?”

 

“You are hiding something from me,” he said point blank. “You can’t ease your mind and it’s showing.”He steepled his fingers in front of his face from the place he was sitting in the grass as if he were trying to solve the puzzle with his gaze.

 

“Am not,” Kira defended, with a bit of snark, but Kylin had been right, their father was a human lie detector. 

 

“You are suppressing your Force signature entirely right now. Why is that? It’s holding you back.”

 

Then suddenly one of the small rocks flew up from the ground and whizzed past her father’s head and he fell over in surprise, his cloak shifting to reveal a silver hilt attached to his side, Kira tried to get a better look at it, but he hid it quickly.

 

“What was that for?” he said, the distraction had worked though, he laughed and turned back towards his daughter.“I said focus, not attack!”

 

“See, I told you I could do it!”Kira’s hand was still extended, halfway amazed that she was able to do that, so much her fingers were shaking.

 

“I didn’t tell you to try to take off my head!”Ben, still grinning in jest, stood up and extended his own hand and suddenly Kira was two feet off the ground, floating in what felt like zero gravity.

 

“Let me down! Let me down!!” She squealed, kicking her feet frantically in the air, but laughing so hard she was nearly forgetting to breathe. “I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!” She had flipped onto her back and after a few more seconds of floating she gently plopped down on the grassy surface, her father looking down at her looking rather smug.

 

“Master Ben!” Threepio suddenly busted out the courtyard doors and waddled towards to formally dueling duo.“It appears we have a bit of an issue over on the landing docks.”

 

“What is it?” Ben said, snapping his head towards the droid and Kira stood herself.

 

“Well, it appears someone landed… using Miss Kylin’s clearance code.”

 

At first, the issue didn’t register to Kira, before it came crashing in as a giant wave that she was Kylin, or was supposed to be. 

 

“Who let them land!?” Ben shouted, anger rising in his voice.

 

“Well, they had all the proper clearance, so I came to check that Kylin was indeed on world.It would be quite impossible to land if she was already here.” 

 

“Threepio! Detain them immediately! Obviously, this clearance is not authorized!”

 

“Well, you see, there is more, the ship that landed, it’s a YT-1300 Freighter, further descriptions have it perfectly matching the -”

 

That’s when Kira’s eyes grew wide.She looked up at her father who had gone ghostly pale.That ship was her home.She’d grown up on that ship model, and it would appear her father was familiar with it too.   
  
 He had said his father had had one at one time in his life.

 

“Did you see the ship?” he tried to regain his composure, but his voice cracked.Threepio seemed to try to formulate a response but Ben repeated his quested with a more firm bite.

 

“No, sir,” the golden droid added, “I was just given the information to report to you.”

 

“Detain them.”He barked and he began to storm back towards the palace.“Find my mother immediately.”

 

That’s when Kira felt it.The sort of familiarity that wrapped around her like a blanket.But just as it soothed her it twisted her heart and she knew something horrible was beyond the horizon.Kylin was here.She felt her presence ring throughout her entire body.And if Kylin was here that meant…

 

“Mum!” She yelped with a harsh whisper. 

 

She knew she had to tell her father the truth before he sent a full-scale attack against the unauthorized ship that was far too familiar.He was far enough away that he didn’t hear her gasp, but she shouted at him to attempt to grab his attention and he ignored her. 

 

“Father!” Kira shouted once more, running up to the man who was quickly walking away.Palace guards already running towards the entrances.“Please, listen to me!” She reached out for him and he turned at the last second, part of the robe he was wearing flew back with his movement, revealing that small piece of silver clipped onto his hip.Kira’s hand touched the metal in her dash to stop him and she was whisked away into another world.

 

She was surrounded by fire.She spun around looking for any way to escape but the terrain was a sea of rocks, but as soon as those rocks came into focus, they shaped themselves into bodies.Lifeless bodies were sprawled around her and a sharp metallic crackle blazed to life somewhere in the distance and the ground beneath her crumbled and she fell through the surface, landing in soft sand.But before she could find solace in that scene a blaster bolt fired over her head and she looked up to see none other than Poe Dameron being knocked off his feet and dragged away by two soldiers in white armored suits.They threw him down in front of a figure who was in stark contrast to the soldiers in white. He was covered from head to toe in black, the only break in color on him was from the chrome detailing on the mask he wore.The man lowered himself to Poe’s level and the air filled with the sound of blaster fire. 

 

The sand began to blow and Kira brought up her arms to shield herself from the sandstorm around her, and in a moment it had settled, and when she opened her eyes again she was surrounded by metal.It was a space station, but unlike any that she’d ever seen pictures of.It was far quieter than the scene that had come to pass and she began to run to find some way to escape, to wake up, and the same sharp crackle she had heard before filled her ears and she turned towards the noise. 

 

She looked upon a bridge, lit only by the harsh light streaming in from an open door above.A crimson lightsaber blade blazed to life and cut swiftly through a man’s torso and just as Kira began to shriek she heard a familiar voice call out in terror from above.

 

“Mum?” She whispered as she saw her.A younger version of her mother and Finn looking on at the scene in fear. An alien cry filled the room, followed by the sound of another blaster bolt and Kira followed the blast back to the bridge, where the assailant was brought to his knees.

 

It was the same man as before, the one from the planet with the sand, except now his mask was off and-

 

Kira’s legs began to shake as she stepped back.It couldn’t be. 

 

Certainly whatever she was witnessing was some sort of nightmare and soon she would wake up, and she rubbed her eyes frantically to try to make that happen.

When she uncovered her eyes for the last time she was in snow.A trail of blood led deeper into the forest calling for Kira to follow it.  That red of the blood suddenly overtook the snow and she was surrounded by it, at its center, a decrepit being who had been split in two.  She clutched her chest, trying to find air, trying to wake herself, but that freedom would not come. The only thing she could think to do was run, and run she did until she could hear sabers again, and that’s when she saw them again. 

 

As the world bounced between white and red their sabers swung relentlessly at each other.  Rey was a moment away from making another blow before the earth broke between them and Kira found herself in the middle of that breaking ground.She slipped through and the world was silent. 

 

She was back.

 

“Who— I…” she choked out, her hands shaking uncontrollably as she tried to process what just happened. 

 

“Kylin, what happened?!”Ben kneeled down with concern and placed his hands on her shoulders.

 

“Get away from me!” Kira shouted, “Stop!!!” She swatted at his hands and used all her strength, with little avail, to shove him away. 

 

“Kylin!” He gasped as his expression began to process what exactly may have happened.He’d seen this look before, he’d felt this before. What was radiating off of her was a far more familiar emotion than he’d want to admit and he knew what had happened. Then his face dropped, and if he could have gotten any paler he did.Kira’s defenses had fallen in her terror.Ben sputtered as his eyes glazed over, “Kira?”

 

“GET AWAY!”She pushed him back one more time, with Force behind it, and he fell back against a display pillar and a glass vase shattered behind him.

 

“BEN! What’s happening?” Leia said.After hearing the commotion she ran into the room to see the child flee around a corner.

 

“I don’t… She’s not…” he started, “She knows, I don’t know how, but she knows!” Ben responded, still kneeling on the floor clutching his heart.

 

“Knows what?” Leia demanded, knowing that there was far too much the child could learn that she wasn’t ready for.

 

“About me, she…” he couldn’t finish, he gazed to the floor and struggled to keep up.“I’m so sorry,” he managed through his cracking voice.

 

Leia, unsure who the apology was for, ran after the child, leaving Ben crouched in the middle of the empty hallway, surrounded by broken glass.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

“Something is wrong.” Kylin blurted out from her seat in the Falcon’s cockpit.Her hazel eyes went wide. “Something bad happened.Something is wrong with dad.”

 

She ran from the room towards the loading dock and Rey stared forward, almost lifeless. 

 

“You can do this,” Poe said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

 

“I… I can’t.” She managed, but her body was essentially frozen.“I’m so scared, what if everything is different?”

 

“You won’t know until you go in there.”

 

“Come with me.”

 

“I’m not going to do that, Rey. Today's been crazy enough for me as it is, and I'm not even related.” He tried laughing to lighten to mood but Rey snapped her head at him.

 

“ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS ABOARD THE FREIGHTER ON LOADING DOCK B”A booming voice echoed throughout the cockpit from outside on the landing dock. “PLEASE STAND DOWN, YOU ARE BEING DETAINED UNDER THE ORDER OF THE ORGANA FAMILY. PREPARE TO BE BOARDED BY BIRREN LAW.”

 

“Organa family. At least we know we are in the right place.”Poe laughed, not seeming thrown off by the jarring announcement.

 

“Kylin told me she had proper clearance code!”

 

“Did it really not cross your mind that they think Kylin is already on the planet?”

 

“I… uh.” Rey sighed, “Kriff.”

 

Just then Kylin ran back into the cockpit and started grabbing and pulling at her mother's hand “We have to go! Hurry!”

 

“There is only one way off this ship, and it looks like we have some visitors,” Rey said, almost wanting to look for a blaster of sorts to grab, but that part of her life was behind her, she would handle this with a more civilized tactic.

 

The hiss of the Falcon’s dock bounced off the walls and the sound of organized marching followed after it.

 

“Please stand dow- Lady Kylin?” The man who seemed to be leading the team said in shock when Kylin was indeed standing in front of them. “We were told that you were at the palace.”

 

“Don’t you see that I’m right in front of you, General.”She said with a demanding finger and Rey could admit she was impressed with how she handled the room.“There was obviously some error in this detainment and I would like to get back home immediately.”

 

“Who… who are your travel companions.” 

 

“Uh, I’m Poe Dameron, a friend of Leia Organa, war hero, you can keep me here… as collateral, or something, until you get this situation resolved,” Poe volunteered and Rey shot another look at him. 

 

The bemused guards stammered a moment before attempting to regain their intimating manner, “Yes. You will stay here until we have remedied this situation.”

 

“Please! My father is in trouble, take us to the palace immediately!”Kylin demanded as she walked straight past the line of military officers, unafraid. 

 

“Who is… she?” The general said turning to Kylin, the back to Rey giving her a once over. 

 

“Oh! Uh…a cousin.” Rey chimed in before Kylin could answer more truthfully, she looked up at her mother, slightly confused, but confirmed that information to the general. Thankfully.

 

“Well, we apologize for the error, Lady Kylin.”The guard said, looking as baffled as ever.

 

“Don’t let it happen again.” The girl ordered. 

 

And Rey knew her daughter had certainly taken after Grandmother. 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

“Can’t this thing go any faster?” Kylin demanded from the guards from the back of a speeder. The men driving just groaned and Kylin shifted nervously in her seat.

 

“What is happening with you?” Rey said, from the seat next to her.

 

“I told you, dad needs us!” She squirmed nervously to try to get a better view of where they were, and how much longer it would take.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I don’t know, but I feel it.Something happened.”Her voice was strained with worry, trying to hold back tears.

 

“Was it something from your dream?” Her mother said, soothingly brushing Kylin’s hair with her fingers.

 

“No.Something else.” 

 

And the palace was in view.

 

The speeder pulled to a stop outside the gates and Kylin hopped out of the transport without even opening the door, stumbling to get there as quickly as she could.Rey thanked the men for their understanding, and she began to chase after her daughter, the craze of the situation almost easing her mind about what was coming.Almost. The guards exited the speeder more diligently and had followed the pair briskly to the palace entrance and Kylin began slamming her fists against the door.

 

“Dad!” Kylin yelped once the doors opened, four more guards standing behind them, looking baffled at the girl they could have sworn was already in the palace.

 

The guards made no effort to chase after Kylin as she called out for her father again, with no reply. She pushed passed them and dashed down the hall, leaving Rey in the doorway, her heart pounding, her head spinning, and in utter awe of what she saw around her.

 

How did Ben manage to live in a palace?

 

Rey snapped out of her daze, coming too when she heard her daughter yell for her father again.Kylin was out of view by now, but the call itself was breaking her heart.For her daughter, for her husband, and for herself, who could no longer feel the pain that her daughter sensed. 

 

“May I…” Rey gestured to where her daughter had run off too to one of the guards and the group of them exchanged glances before giving her a gracious nod.The threat of an intrusion being discarded after Kylin had indeed been on the ship they had been ordered to stop. She took a few steps forward and felt hundreds of pounds heavier.She put her hand over her heart to calm it, to no avail. 

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

“Dad!” Kylin cried when she had found him.He was on his knees, hunched over, completely still in the great hall.Surrounded by shattered glass and plaster. There was no one else to be seen, not her Grandmother, not Kira. 

 

Kylin threw herself at the man on the floor, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing as tightly as she could while the man returned the affection.She could feel now that his arms were shaking, and he was hiding his face from her. 

 

“Where in this galaxy…” he said, breaking the silence between breaths that he was desperately trying to catch. Then, though they were light, the sound of another pair of footsteps swept into the room.

 

“I found mom,” Kylin said as she backed away from the embrace.“I’m sorry. I know you said-”

 

“Forget what I said,” he said, bringing up his head to look past his daughter at the vision at the end of the hall.The illusion.The mirage.

 

Kylin turned around to see her mother petrified, her eyes locked on them, unblinking, terrified.She took a single step forward, and Ben let go of his daughter and struggled to get to his feet before his legs gave out again and he collapsed.

 

He just remained on his knees, like a man left in the cold, desperate for salvation.It was an unsettlingly familiar sight.He, on the ground, and she, across the floor above him.Always above him.His hand had been nicked in the fall by the broken glass and it started to bleed, but he didn’t bother to look at it, he had a much more important line of vision. 

 

But then she smiled.That cursed smile that never failed to melt his heart, but this time, again, it also erased his fears.

 

“It is you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for sticking around :D


	15. Chapter 15

Rey stood.Her body frozen.For the first time in seven years, she was looking at the face of the man she married.The father of her children who had been mistakenly lost to her for what seemed like a lifetime.And next to him, her daughter, at least, one of them. The one who had disappeared that same horrible night.She had been just a baby then, and while logic easily explained how time had affected Kylin as it did Kira, Rey still had a hard time grasping how she’d grown.

 

Her husband, on the other hand, was kneeling on the ground.His eyes tired, as she often remembered, but something haunted them too. He looked at Rey as if she were a ghost, and that thought almost began to scare her.Then his expression melted ever so slightly, and that dumbfounded gawk that Rey was far too familiar with poured across his face as Rey felt the corners of her mouth twitching.

 

Before she knew it, she took a step forward. Her legs were making their own decisions as her head was too busy pounding to do any thinking on its own.But she could tell she was smiling now.Probably stupidly so.Her legs carried her closer to her husband and daughter and she may have even been running towards them before she fell to her knees in front of them.

 

“Careful!” Ben said as Rey scooted closer to him, in an attempt to protect her from the broken glass that surrounded him.She disregarded his suggestion and got closer anyway. 

 

Her hand began to reach out to him and she suddenly hesitated, her fingers shook as she longed to touch his face but couldn’t begin to figure out why she couldn’t do it.Perhaps she feared it would prove this wasn’t real and she would wake up. Her daughter and husband would disappear and none of this was real.She looked down at her husband's body when she noticed he was injured.

 

“You're bleeding!” Rey exclaimed and her fear to touch him dissipated as she grabbed his wounded hand in her own.Warm. 

 

Now he leaned in, and before she could comprehend what was happening his forehead was pressed against hers and he was laughing.It was a breathy laugh, quiet, so quiet that she wasn’t sure Kylin would have been able to hear.

 

“Are you surprised?” he said, curling his fingers around hers, ignoring the blood pooling in his palm.

 

Reciprocating with her own chuckle she added, “not really.”With that Rey let go of her grasp and wrapped her arms around Ben’s shoulders, tucking herself into his neck. Ben buried his uninjured hand into her hair, carefully holding his other fist away from her as to not make more of a mess.

 

“Uh… Dad,” Kylin said, a bit uneasily, as she realized her presence may have been forgotten.The two parted from each other and looked up at the daughter who stood above them. “Where’s Kira?”

 

“Kira!” Ben said in a scared whisper.He cussed repeatedly and covered his mouth for their daughter’s sake.Rey’s heart sank to the bottom of her stomach. Her mouth went dry as she tried to swallow.Something had happened here.The broken glass.The bleeding hand.The terror that was in his eyes. “She’s…. with your grandmother…” he finished.“Check your room.”His voice became stern and Kylin turned to find her sister.

 

“Aren’t you coming?” the girl said once she realized her parents had not moved to follow. 

 

Rey began to stand, but Ben held out his arm to stop her, “Go first, I… I need to tell your mother something.” 

 

Kylin’s eyes became sad as she looked down at her father again. She’d known for some time.

 

“Ben, what is going on?” Rey whispered. 

 

“I can’t believe it’s you.”His head fell against her shoulder again, and they both stayed quiet for a few moments.Uneasy, yet peaceful. “She knows, Rey,” he finally admitted, but it was easier now than it had been before.Bond or not, she had that effect on him.“About me...about everything.”

 

“…How?” 

 

“My damned saber.” He pushed back his robe and unhooked the hilt from his belt and began to play with the unique cross guard in his hands.“She get’s that from you.”

 

“So, a vision?” Rey cautiously clarified. “What did she see?”

 

“I… I don’t know exactly.”Ben looked down shamefully, “She knocked me over and ran away before I had the chance to talk to her.”He paused again, “She also get’s that from you.”

 

“I raised her well,”Rey said, tucking a lock of hair behind Ben's ear, now sounding more confident than she was. 

 

“You don’t seem concerned,” Ben said with furrowed brows, hooking the saber back onto his belt.Though Rey's reaction was confusing, it was soothing.

 

“I’m not concerned.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“She takes after me in a lot of ways, not just with the visions and beating you up.”Rey offered a smile and the two stared at each other in continued disbelief with bemused laughter.“Where is she?”

 

“Go up the stairs, the first bedroom to your right,” Ben pointed to the end of the walkway.Rey stood and offered a hand to help the fallen man.He accepted, and in the first time in seven years, Rey was reminded how much he towered over her.“My mother will probably be there.”

 

“You need to face this, Ben.”Rey softened her voice, attempting to be as comforting as possible.

 

“I know,” Ben sighed, “but I’m going to wrap my hand first.” 

 

Rey knew that was true, and nodded to turn for her directed route.She flew up the stairs and turned to the right as instructed and Leia Organa was standing at the closed doorway.Kylin alongside her.

 

“Rey.” Leia greeted warmly, without any surprise in her voice, as if she'd just seen Rey a few hours ago. 

 

Rey choked on her response before she managed a, “It’s lovely to see you again.”And the woman welcomed her with a warm embrace.It took Rey a moment to respond, but soon she reciprocated and squeezed tightly. 

 

The woman grabbed Rey's face in her hands as they parted, "It's been too long, dear, and for that, I'm truly sorry."Her face became pitiful and Rey cocked her head to the side.“So, Kira,” Leia coughed with sorrow still in her eyes, “she’s won’t talk to me.I’m not quite sure what happened.”

 

Kylin straightened her posture and stepped forward. “She knows about dad.”

 

“What do you mean?” Rey said, not quite knowing how adjusted her other daughter was to the seriousness of the situation.

 

“I… I’ve known something.”Kylin looked down regretfully, “I guess, I don't know everything, I don’t what happened, but I know dad's been hiding something.” She placed her hand over her heart and closed her eyes, “he’s always been carrying the guilt with him, I could feel it.”

 

“Why didn't you come to me about this?” Leia raised her brow.

 

“I…. don't know.”Kylin shrugged, kicking the floor, fearing she was at risk of punishment.

 

“You should have told us,” Leia sighed, “If you were worried-“

 

“I knew he wasn't hiding to hurt me," Kylin interjected, looking at her grandmother, "I know Dad.And I knew you’d tell me what I needed to know.” 

 

Rey looked over at her daughter in awe.The compassion in her voice was something far beyond her years, and she secretly wondered how often Kylin saw Rey's old master. 

 

“Kira doesn’t know dad like I do,”Kylin said with a confidence Rey wasn't sure she should have, and she was hit with a wave of guilt,“that must have been scary, I felt that too.”

 

“I’m going to see her.” Rey walked towards the doorway and gave it a light knock and to no surprise, there wasn't a response. Rey opened the door anyway, closing it behind her giving Leia and Kylin one last glance. 

 

“Kira,” Rey said gently as she walked across the room, “Kira, I know you are here.”

 

Rey heard a soft sniff from under a blanket on the bed and she walked over to the bedside. 

 

“Kira, is that you?”

 

The ball on the bed shifted at the sound of the voice.“Mum?” it whispered.

 

“Come out here, my love,” she said, running her hand against the blanket.Kira scrambled as fast as she could and leaped into her mother's arms. 

 

“Mum! You’re here!” Kira exclaimed, crying all the more.“You came!”

 

“Of course!” She said, holding her daughter so tightly they could both barely move.After a few seconds of a peaceful reunion, Rey pulled back, “We have a lot we need to talk about. Don’t we?”

 

Kira told Rey about summer camp.How the twins had met and put all the pieces of the puzzle together.She told Rey about the locket Kylin had, and how Kylin had cheated in a simulator race when they first met.She told her how they thought it would just be fun, meeting their other parent, and didn’t think about why they had been separated in the first place.Kira began to apologize so relentlessly throughout the rest of her story, that it was hard to keep track of what she was saying. 

 

But then she brought up the vision.What she saw. Where she was.Who she was with.She mentioned Han on the bridge, but unaware who that man was.She said that she saw a man with her father’s face, hoping Rey would deny what she saw.Rey could only listen as the girl, terrified and small, tried making sense of the galaxy that was now so much more complex than she ever thought.

 

“I can’t explain it.”Kira choked, “I don’t get it.”

 

Rey waited.Waited for the right words, but she knew they didn't exist.

 

“Sometimes things cannot be explained, and when they can, they aren’t what you want to hear,” Rey began, stroking her daughter's hair, “It’s not the time to explain everything, but I hope you know we aren’t hiding this because we don’t trust you.”

 

“I don’t understand…” Kira sniffed again, emphasizing her confusion, holding tightly to her mother's clothes as if she were a toddler.

 

“I know, I didn’t understand for a long time either.One day you will though. One day you’ll wake up and the world will look so different to you, but for now, just know that will come.“

 

Just then the door creaked open and both Kylin and Leia were standing in the doorway.Kylin was the first to run in and leaped onto the bed.“Look! We didn’t get in trouble!” Kylin said giving Kira a hug, Rey smiling.“I missed you.”

 

Kira wiped her face quickly, to hide the appearance of crying as Leia walked into the room as well.  


 

“I’m sorry, Grandmother.” Kylin said, “That we lied.”

 

“You are all safe and together, that’s all I could ask for,” Leia comforted as one last silhouette made itself present in the doorway.

 

Kira shuttered.Ben winced.

 

"Come in, Ben," Leia said to break the tension as he began his incredibly slow walk into the room.Kira's grasp on Rey grew tighter.

 

"Kira, it's alright," Rey soothed and Ben came closer.He knelt down before Rey and Kira, while Kylin shuffled closer to them.Ben looked to Rey for permission to speak, and Rey gave him an assuring nod. 

 

"I... I know it's hard for you to trust me right now," Ben started, "I know there is nothing I can do to change what you saw, and I'm sorry it had to be like that, that we couldn't explain everything ourselves.But know I will never be sorrier for everything that happened.  That's not who I am."

 

Kira hummed in acknowledgment but it lacked empathy.

 

"I hope one day I can earn your forgiveness, I'll do whatever I can to do that."He paused again, debating his next words, "The Force, while beautiful, will lead you down many paths, I chose the wrong one.Many times.Desperate to prove that I wasn't making the same mistakes."

 

"Ben, you don't have too-" Rey tried to stop him from saying too much while things were so fragile.

 

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he decided to finish, and Kira whimpered against her mother's shirt. She turned her head slightly towards him and pondered the man for some time.Ben closed his eyes in defeat and Rey could only wonder what self-punishing thoughts were going through his head, but then Kira reached out for him.And touched the scar that ran up his cheek. 

 

"So, Mum did that?" she asked earnestly and Ben's eyes shot open.

 

"Uh, yeah," he stammered quickly, hoping to not lose the window of opportunity to make things better.Kira leaned forward from her place on Rey's lap and wrapped her arms around her father's neck.It was a quiet moment, and all Ben could manage was a simple, "Thank you."

 

"Now, I'm sure you all have questions that keep you talking for days," Leia chimed in, kneeling beside her son, age showing in her movements."But I think it's probably time for bed, everyone has had a long day. Go ahead, put on pajamas you two."Kylin bounced off the bed and ran to her dresser and picked out sleepwear for both her and her sister.

 

“Rey, let me take you to the guest room down the hall, you can stay there.It’s close to the girls if you need them, or they need you.”Leia said and Ben straightened at the suggestion. Leia shot him a look and he slouched down while the girls ducked under their covers back into bed. 

 

“Oh!Well, uh, I guess this is goodnight then.”Rey leaned over kissed Kira’s forehead then stood to walk around the bed to kiss Kylin."Thank you for everything, my dear," she whispered to her, "now you mustn't worry anymore."Kylin closed her eyes with a sleepy grin and when Rey rose again she was inches away from Ben and was staring intently down at her. The air felt heavy around her, and it should have been so easy to stand up on her toes and press her lips against his.But the moment didn’t come.She took a step to the side and met Leia by the doorway.Leia put a hand on her back and began to guide her away.Too quickly for Rey not to think there was more behind her offer of a new bedroom.

 

“You didn’t kiss mom goodnight,” was the last thing Rey heard through the closed door before she was whisked down the hall.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Rey kept stirring.The bed was too big and the room was too quiet.She was used to the constant rumble of the Falcon, and the intimacy of her small bunk.

 

Her daughters and the man she married, were somewhere in this house and she wasn’t with them.She should be. 

 

She continued to toss and her mind continued to scream. 

 

He didn’t kiss you. That thought kept pounding into the back of her mind.He doesn’t feel the same way.He hasn’t seen you for seven years and he didn’t kiss you.She tossed a pillow over her head in an attempt to quiet it to no prevail. 

 

It hadn’t been the fairytale reunion like she had hoped or imagined.She knew their horribly unique situation would never result in an easy position, but for some reason, she’d always hoped this day would be blissful.It wasn’t.And perhaps because there was so much looming over it still.So much left unsolved.

 

She feared she had lost her daughters trust, her husband's affections, her mother-in-law's acceptance.She’d be alone again.

 

Rey shot up from her bed and shook herself from such toxic thoughts.She knew in her heart they weren’t true, there was nothing that should make her feel that way, but she was different from the rest of them now.She couldn’t feel the Force like they could, not anymore.Perhaps this is how Han felt with Ben.Longing so much for closeness but unable to connect. 

 

She calmed her breathing, counting silently alongside each one.Mimicking meditation techniques she’d learned all of those years ago.Her restlessness soon got the best of her and she went for the door. She opened it to find a man on the ground with his head balanced in his arms, pushed up against the hallway.

 

“Ben!” Rey exclaimed, the man toppled over in shock as he woke, quickly pushing himself up using the wall. 

 

“Good… morning? Night?” He blinked a few times before turning towards a window to confirm a timeframe. “Night.”

 

“Ben, what are you doing?” Rey said, lowering her voice for the sake of the household.

 

“I… couldn’t sleep.” He muttered.

 

“You clearly just were…”

 

“I meant…ugh… I don’t… I didn’t….” He stopped and pinched his brow. “I hope you know I didn’t ask my mother to put you here.”

 

Rey didn’t respond.

 

“She wants to make sure none of us rush into anything, any assumptions, I guess, maybe, or something.” He was rambling now, nervous or delusional from sleep Rey was unsure.He stammered a few more nonsense wordsbefore he spat out, “she thinks we should talk.”

 

Rey still didn’t respond. 

 

“So, do you want to talk?” he said hopefully.

 

She remained still for a few moments longer before giving him a careful nod.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

It was an unbearable silence as they began their stroll through the courtyard gardens.Rey tried to start ten different sentences before giving up speaking entirely.Ben hadn’t even attempted to start further conversation. There was just too much to talk about that finding a place to start seemed near impossible. 

 

His hand brushed against hers and Rey immediately brought it to her chest, almost scared by the gesture before returning it to her side, hoping he’d do it again so she could accept. She’d longed for it for years, and now, it was so close it frightened her. Under the moonlight, in the quiet of the night, she’d felt more vulnerable than she would ever admit. Her eyes crossed over to him and he was concentrating hard on the stone path below him. 

 

“It’s funny,” he said, and she looked away before he could realize that she was staring, “I dreamed so often of this day, but never could I not think of what to say.”

 

Rey hummed.Had they both been so foolish to think things would go back to the way they were so easily?

 

“Well, first things first, how in the Galaxy do you live here?”Rey motioned to the grounds around her.The palace. The Fountains. The Gardens.

 

“I told you.” Ben gestured to himself with a fake smugness, “Royalty.”

 

“Seriously though, how did this happen?”

 

“Well, Birren is a planet colonized by Alderaan.The people of Alderaan are still quite fond of my mother...”

 

“…and you?”

 

“I come with the package I suppose, my mother turned down the formal title.I only accepted it for Kylin.So she’d have some sense of normalcy growing up.Our options were limited and this was the best option for her.  The planet is so small that we'd be able to live comfortably without too much attention from the wider galaxy”

 

“The Resistance though…”

 

“Exiled me.” Ben completed.“That was the final sentencing.Basically to never show my face on a planet I didn’t have a birthright to again.So the Alderaan system and its colonies, and well, Naboo.They kept quiet about... me... for my mother's sake.”

 

“You got a nice assortment of planets for exile.”

 

“I’m not complaining.”

 

“… I suppose not.”

 

Silence.

 

“Where did you go?” Ben said, nudging a pebble with his foot.

 

“I went with Poe to Lothal,” Rey answered.“Retired Resistance base.Fixing ships.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Not all of us can serve a life sentence as a Royalty, Ben Solo.”

 

Ben chuckled and turned towards her.Rey stopped to face him as well and his hand rose up to her face, lightly tracing her jawline then back into her hair.He took a step closer and Rey didn’t move.

 

“Rey,” he nearly whispered, stopping in his tracks and stopping Rey in front of him, “tell me something else.”

 

She looked up at him, forcing herself to blink.Her heart ached but the words wouldn’t come.“Ben,” she was able to manage. The words were on the tip of her tongue and yet they would not escape her, the fear of his answer confining her, causing her heart to feel as it was trying to break out of its chest. 

 

“What is it?” He sounded concerned, and stepped in closer, grazing the bare skin of her arm with his fingertips. 

 

“Can I kiss you?” she finally managed and Ben’s hands dropped

 

“Really?” Ben’s mouth curled upwards slightly.And Rey's face burned.

 

He learned down while Rey pushed herself up on her toes.Ben’s nose hit her cheek as his lips barely began to graze hers.His breath was warm against her skin, making the hair on her arms stand on end.He brushed his mouth against hers one more time before Rey finally gathered the nerve to grab his collar and keep him there.He didn’t need much convincing as he deepened the kiss. Grabbing her hips to pull her in towards him. They parted for a moment for a quick breath and suddenly Ben pushed her away.

 

“What is it?”

 

“We’ve got spies.”

 

Rey panicked for a moment before Ben grabbed her shoulders and turned her around, pointing up back towards the house as two pairs of eyes peering from inside a bedroom window quickly dove from view.

 

“Those little scoundrels.”Rey laughed, relieved.

 

“But, now that I think of it,” Ben lowered his voice, and turned his head towards Rey’s ear, “we never gave you a proper tour of the palace,”

 

“Oh?” Rey said, turning back towards Ben.

 

“I never got to show you the best room in the place.”He leaned in again, hovering just above her lips, grin growing.

 

“Oh, really?”Rey played along. 

 

Ben grabbed Rey’s waist again and hoisted her up into the air.

 

Rey didn’t touch the ground again until they reached his bedroom.Kissing clumsily every step of the way, like they had forgotten how to do it, her legs wrapped around his hips as they did it. As the door closed behind them he tossed her onto the bed and continued his advances.

 

“You know,” Rey tried to say between breaths while his mouth briefly left hers, “You aren’t a very good tour guide.” 

 

Ben moved from her lips to her neck and pointed haphazardly to different objects around the room. “Armoire, desk, bathroom, table, chair, another chair,” he said hurriedly so he could return his full attention to her. He began working himself lower over her body, kissing the dip between her breasts over her blouse, down to her stomach…

 

_ Knock! _

 

The noise was subtle and both Ben and Rey’s heads popped up in surprise.They exchanged a glance, and just as they thought the coast was clear, the knocks were louder, pounding at the other side of the door with gusto. Ben groaned and collapsed atop of Rey grumbling words into her neck.

 

“DAD!” A small voice shouted at the other side of the door, continuing its relentless knocking.Ben continued to lie in defeat for a few more moments before Rey pushed against his chest, making him get off her.

 

“Coming loves!” Rey chimed in as Ben rolled away.She sat up and took a deep breath to calm herself slightly and opened the bedroom door.

 

“It’s not fair, why do you guys get to stay up so late?” Kylin stormed in, hopping onto the bed, making herself at home.Kira followed with a guilty smile.

 

“Because we’re your parents.”Ben’s voice was stern as he leaned against the headboard, scooting slightly to the side once the two girls started burying themselves under the covers in the center of the bed. 

 

“But it’s our first night all together, and you left us out!”Kylin pouted and she dramatically threw her head against the pillow, setting up camp for the night. 

 

Rey, still standing at the foot of the bed, couldn’t help but look on at the scene in utter adoration.Though she wouldn’t have minded a night alone with her husband, this is what she had been looking forward to the most.Togetherness.Kira and Kylin together, with her husband beside them, and she was just a few steps away with no plans to be any farther.

 

“Come to bed, Mum!” Kira said, tapping the small empty space beside her.

 

“I don’t think all four of us will fit.” Rey laughed, walking to her daughter's side. 

 

“We can squeeze,” Kylin added and Rey slid under the sheets alongside her girls.Both of them wriggling to find a comfortable position. 

 

Rey looked up at Ben from the other side of the bed as he turned off the last light switch.He mouthed “Goodnight,” to her with a tired smile and settled face first into his pillow. 

 

While they didn’t fit comfortably, they fit well enough, but Rey still couldn’t sleep.She just watched as her daughters’ breathing settled into a light snore, and how the sight of Ben, Kira, and Kylin next to each other was quite humorous, their dark wild hair spread everywhere across three pillows.Rey stroked one of Kira’s curls, so much like her father’s, and smiled,wanting to hold this in her memory for the rest of her days.

 

“Mum?” Kira whispered, awakened by the gesture.

 

“Yes, love?”Rey responded as the girl flipped towards her.

 

“Do you think… we can stay?” Her daughter said, hopeful.

 

Rey wished the words Kira wanted to hear could come, but they couldn’t. She just offered an assuring smile and one last goodnight kiss.“Go to sleep, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poe Dameron, alone on the falcon, wonders if everyone forgot about him.   
> He invites the guards over for a drink.


	16. Chapter 16

Ben woke to the sound of quiet murmurs beside him.He was too drowsy to make out the words exactly, but there were two voices in this small exchange.Soon after they began the two voices started to shuffle and a little hand pressed against his face, assuringly waking him fully.

 

“Sorry, Dad!” Kylin whispered, crawling over him to get off the bed.Kira had taken the more convenient route of just sliding off the foot of the mattress.

 

Ben just groaned in response and rolled over to see his wife still fast asleep on the other side of the bed. His wife was there.It was the most beautiful feeling in all of his recollection.She was facing away from him, but the subtle rise and fall of her back as she slept was the most surreal thing he’d ever seen and he could have been lost in watching her if it weren’t for the finger now prodding into his back.

 

“Papa,” Kylin said, her eyes wide with the hopes of receiving sympathy, “we’re hungry.”

 

“Go see if your grandmother is awake,” Ben sighed, closing his eyes again, “or I’m sure one of the droids will help.”

 

“…Fine,” Kylin growled and her footsteps carried her away from the room, the sound of the door closing following after. 

 

Ben waited a few more minutes to be sure things were quiet before taking his chance to roll closer to Rey, who had gone completely undisturbed somehow.He slung his arm around her waist like he’d longed too since the moment she arrived (and honestly since the moment they were parted) and nuzzled his face into her loose hair. He was torn between waking her or just staying like this the entire day but Rey jumped at the contact and her eyes opened. She flipped over to face her assailant and looked almost surprised to see Ben.

 

“Ben?” she whispered, rubbing her eyes.

 

“Are you alright?” he questioned, a little shocked at her reaction.Rey’s expression faded into one a bit more sincere, and she began giggling to herself.

 

“I…Thank the Maker,” she was able to manage, “knowing my luck, I thought waking up would prove this all to be a dream.”

 

“Well, maybe our luck is changing,” Ben smiled, touching the tip of his nose to hers, and pulling her closer into him.

 

“Where are the girls?” Rey said, closing her eyes, just allowing herself to feel his breath on her lips.

 

“Not here,” Ben said, softening his voice, punching his words.He closed the distance between them in a soft kiss that was more than well received. He deepened the embrace as her hands made their way into his hair, and just as he began to shift his weight above her she pushed him away.

 

“KRIFF. POE.” She yelped, rolling out from beneath him.

 

“I’m _Ben_.”

 

“No, Poe, he came here with us! I totally forgot! We left him on the ship”

 

“You forgot?”

 

“I was distracted, okay! Kriff!”She rolled out of bed and Ben followed, not bothering to smooth out her bedhead or change out of the nightclothes that had been supplied to her. After fumbling with the door she bolted from the room. 

 

“Do you even know where you are going?” Ben called after her, following a few paces behind and equally disheveled looking.

 

“Not really!” Rey said but determined to figure it out.She stormed down the hall as Ben directed her from behind until the sound of laughter resulted in a detour when they were passing the kitchen.

 

Kira and Kylin were kneeling on chairs around the dining table, flipping through holo images while their grandmother seemed to narrate each photo.Poe was at the table as well, with a spoonful of cereal sticking out of his mouth.

 

“Poe!” Rey exclaimed, relieved that he had found his way. “I’m so sorry we didn’t come for you sooner!”

 

“Don’t worry, Leia called for a clearance this morning when the guards asked what to do with me,” he laughed, with a wicked smile, “Plus, you look like you were a little… distracted.”

 

Rey cocked her head to the side before realizing how unkempt she and her husband had looked.She felt her cheeks go red despite nothing that Poe was insinuating actually happening, and thanked the stars her daughters seemed preoccupied. 

 

“Nice to see you again, Solo,” Poe added, a bit less sincere than before.

 

“Always a pleasure, Dameron.”  Silence. "So... you were on Lothal too."  
  
  
  
"Someone had to be." He said with no ill intent but Ben grimaced at the response.  

 

The two didn’t _not_ get along, but they _were_ two personalities that didn’t mix well, be it from nature or their shared experiences of the past.During their brief encounters alongside her pregnancy, Rey would often find amusement making the two converse without any outside help.Their attempts to find common ground were often comical and would end in awkward small talk circles about spaceships. While Rey was able to bypass her own history with the lives of Ben Solo, she understood why it wasn’t as easy for her friends.To approach him casually had never come naturally.

 

Kira and Kylin starting laughing again and Ben turned towards his mother who had begun explaining the scenario of the holo image before them.

 

“This is on Naboo, your parent's wedding actually!”

 

“Mother, what are you doing?”Ben snapped, old fears rising.

 

“I’ve wanted to show off these photos for years now.Let me have my moment with people who will actually appreciate them!”

 

“Look, there’s Uncle Finn and Aunt Rose!” Kira exclaimed pointing to the image.She turned to Kylin, “That’s my friend Sam’s parents!”

 

“Oh!” her twin understood.

 

“Mum, you were chubby!” Kira chuckled when she returned to observing the holo.

 

Rey’s eyes widened at the childlike honesty of the comment and she stepped closer to see the image better herself.Rey hadn’t seen any images from her wedding or marriage in years. She had only been a handful of months pregnant at the time, so it wasn’t clear that she was carrying a child or two, rather just a lot fuller than her normal self.

 

“I wasn’t chubby, I was pre-“ Rey began to defend and Ben gave a sharp purposeful cough so they could avoid that particular ‘talk’ today.The talk of just how Rey was expecting their daughters before their wedding.Poe just laughed and Rey looked for any different way to end her sentence.“Pre… pretty addicted to snacking.” She pinched the bridge of her nose as she recognized what a bad cover that was, and Ben rubbed her back to comfort her as their daughters didn’t seem to raise any further questions on the subject. 

 

“So, Rey,” Leia coughed, clearing the air for everyone.“I’ve gone ahead and taken the liberty of telling the guards not to let any visitors come by for the time being, and for the sake ofyour discretion, if it is alright with you, I’ve told them a distant cousin was visiting, as you proclaimed yourself when you arrived.”

 

“A cousin?” Ben raised an eyebrow as he turned towards his wife. Rey only shrugged and the girls continued to laugh.

 

“So, I was thinking,” Leia continued,“that I would take the girls, and Poe is more than welcome if he likes, to the lakeside today.The private residence as to not cause too much of a stir… saying the children of the household have doubled in the last day.”

 

“Don’t you think there are more pressing matters than a visit to the lake?” Ben questioned and Leia sighed stepping out of her seat, turning her son away from their audience. 

 

“Yes, I do, and figured that would much better be discussed if not in the company of your children.Who have handled the situation remarkably well and I assume you would like to keep it that way,”Leia growled under her breath, and Ben felt like a scolded youth again.

 

“I wouldn’t consider yesterday going remarkably well,”Ben mumbled in return, more for himself than his mother.

 

“As someone who went through a similar situation with their own child, yesterday went remarkably well, and I wouldn’t push it.” Leia bit back one more time, raising a small finger to his face, still in hushed tones.

 

“…Fair enough,” Ben resided, and the two turned to reface the room.Thinking more about it, he wouldn’t mind time gone uninterrupted with his wife, even though he doubted his mother had wished for them to spend their time in that sort of way. 

 

The truth of the matter was that they hadn't discussed the details of their separation and what had kept them apart.That whatever threat existed back then, could still very well exist today.Their girls could still be in harm's way. Targets.And understandably that wouldn’t be a conversation to be had with the young subjects nearby.

 

“Can we go, mum?” Kira pleaded with her mother in regards to their aforementioned day trip.“Please?”

 

“I,” Rey said, at first seeming unsure of letting her girls out of her sight, “just make sure your grandmother and Poe can see you at all times.”

 

Kira and Kylin slapped each other's hands in a celebratory gesture and ran off to gather any needed supplies for the day.

 

Leia turned more gravely to the company of the room when she spoke again. “It is not my place to say what needs to be done, and even if I had an answer I could not give it. It is now a waiting game.”

 

“Perhaps the old threat has vanished.Whoever… whatever… it was is gone.”Rey said, hopeful, but to the ears of a pessimistic room. Her husband the most grave of all and Rey began to shift her own perspective.

 

“Perhaps.” Leia sighed, “and if it proves to be so, my sorrow that you had to keep apart for so long will know no bounds.But if my instincts prove to be correct, we are no further from a conclusion than we were before.”

 

The room fell silent once more, and Rey’s attempts to continue a joyous reunion faltered in ashes.

 

Once Leia, alongside her granddaughters and Poe had taken their leave for the day, the awkward air didn’t leave with them. 

 

“Your mother thinks we need to leave, doesn’t she?” Rey said when she and Ben finally had the courage to break their small talk in the comfort of the living area. 

 

“No, she thinks we need to find a solution.”

 

“Which is leaving.”

 

“No.” Ben argued, “The girls have bonded, and surely it is a bond that will grow deeper even if they are separated.The Force is like a radio signal, constantly bouncing back and forth waiting to be intercepted by the Darkside.”

 

“You know I wish to agree!But you seem to doubt your own words.”

 

“I doubt a lot of things.” Ben agreed, and Rey looked baffled by his stance.“Rey, I’m not sure what the best course of action is.I may regret every word I say from this point forward, but I’m not letting you go again.You or Kira.”

 

Rey started an aimless sentence but Ben refused it.

 

“You and I, we’ve always been at our strongest together,” he said, “I feel that now more than ever.”

 

“With my Force ties severed I don’t know how that is true,” Rey murmured, and Ben closed his lips.“Do you think it’s possible to fix?”

 

He wanted to say that she didn’t need fixing and that his adoration for her wasn’t tied to her abilities and hadn’t been for a long time, but he knew that wasn’t what she wanted to hear.“I don’t know,” was all he could manage.

 

“So it could be possible?” She perked up an almost unnoticeable amount, but enough to give Ben’s heart a break.

 

“It could be, I just don’t think I’m the one to do it.”

 

“Maybe your mother?”

 

“I’ve never known anyone to have such an ability.Severing Force ties is an ability rarely documented, and I’ve never seen someone being able to reinstate them.”

 

Rey twisted her lips in thought before she meekly admitted, “I want to have the same connection with my daughters as you will.I know how it separated you and Han-“

 

“My father and I had issues well beyond my force abilities or my connection with my mother.” He was able to approach the topic with a certain calmness he hadn’t been able to before, but he was quick to avoid continuing.He turned to his wife and took her face into her hands.She hadn’t changed one bit.He tried to find a mark, or freckle, or line that was new or out of place on her face, and he found none.He was sure he was different.Eyes darker, more tired.But she looked at him with the same eyes as she always had.“About last night…” Ben started, a hitch in his throat as the memories flooded him, “it’s probably for the best that the girls came in when they did.”

 

Rey blushed at the recollection but immediately seemed concerned as to why Ben coveted the disruption as if he would have regretted the action if they had gone uninterrupted.“Why is that?”

 

Sensing the sharpness in Rey’s voice, Ben quickly defended his wording, dropping his hands “I just meant, maybe we weren’t ready… to rush into anything.”

 

“We’re married,”Rey said monotonously, though she understood what direction he was meaning to guide the conversation.

 

“My mother was right, about needing to discuss our situation.And if you had decided separation was for the best, perhaps it is also for the best that we don’t… indulge. It might be harder-”

 

“I thought we had decided that we were stronger together,” Rey fought back, biting back a smile. 

 

“So, you’ll stay?” Ben smiled in return.

 

“I’ll have no plans to leave,” she clarified, “At least not without you and Kylin, because you seem to hate it here.”

 

The both let themselves laugh fully and met each other in an embrace,Rey buried herself in his neck and Ben, after a hearty chuckle, muttered, “I do really hate it here.”

 

“Lord Solo!”One of the front guards, who had been permitted to protect the grounds, entered the room and Ben and Rey jumped apart. “Excuse me for the interruption, but the Systems of Alderaan Senate Representative has been ringing you.”

 

“I thought it was instructed that we shall not have interruptions until further notice,” Ben snapped and the guard straightened.

 

“He needs votes for an upcoming bill and insists he won’t stop calling until he can guarantee Birrens.”

 

Ben groaned and turned back towards Rey and mouthed the words, ‘I’ll be right back,’and walking towards the guard he told him, “I’ll take his call in my office.” The two men left together.

 

As soon as they were gone from sight Rey collapsed onto the couch.Waves of overwhelming joy and misery hitting her at different times, and she was sure she was about to go mad with the degree she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time when she heard footsteps coming from the palace, certainly too soon to be Ben.

 

“Who are you?” A strange woman asked accusingly as she barged into the living room.

 

“I’m sorry, Miss,” Rey scrambled and stood at attention, not quite knowing how Ben’s living situation worked, or how people handled the lap of luxury in Birren. “I was told the house was off limits to visitors during this time and therefore I must ask who are you?”

 

The woman looked at Rey with sharp eyes, narrowing them with every second as if she were trying to solve a puzzle.“I’m the Arkanis senate representative for Birren.”

 

“I apologize, I’m not from Birren, so I don’t recognize why that gives you permission to be here.”Rey could feel a growl in the back of her throat but felt a fine satisfaction when the woman before her grew in frustration. 

 

“I’m a… friend of Ben’s.Clara Sindain.I heard that there was some disturbance so I came to check in on the situation. I’m quite close with the family” 

 

With that Rey’s heart twisted.The woman had pushed the word friend in a way that made her squirm.She was pretty, Rey could admit, and seven years without… romantic intimacy was a long time.But the thought made her sick, and her fists clenched at her sides.Ben was off dealing with Senate business and she was part of Birren’s senate, but that twisting sensation in Rey’s stomach stitched her mouth shut.

 

“Now, who are you?” Clara asked, her nostrils flaring.

 

With every ounce of her being Rey wanted to express her true identity, that she was his wife and mother of his children, but she swallowed her pride for the sake of those children.“I’m his… cousin.”

 

“Oh!” Clara suddenly seemed relieved, and Rey frowned at that newfound ease in her presence, “I can see the resemblance, you have a striking resemblance to his daughter!”

 

“Shocking,” She grumbled under her breath, refusing to continue this conversation.Rey didn’t like this side of herself.She’d never experienced it before.This boiling pettiness in her belly was almost overwhelming.

 

“So is your… cousin home?We have some pressing senatorial business to discuss.”

 

“I thought you said you came out of concern?”

 

“The two aren’t exclusive.”

 

“He’s not here. I will be sure to let him know you stopped by,” and as if Rey was able to access her force powers once more, two security guards entered the room.

 

“My greatest apologies, Miss Solo!” It took Rey a moment to realize that she was the one the guards were talking to.“A few guards had not been made aware of the privacy requests Lady Organa made this morning.”

 

“No need to apologize,” Rey stammered, trying to act like she belonged. 

 

“Miss Sindain, we apologize for the inconvenience, but we will have to ask you to come with us.”

 

“Well, please let Lord Organa know that there are urgent matters to be discussed when his family matters are dealt with.”Clara’s air of disdain returned to her and she elegantly walked towards the men with her nose tilted up.“Good day… Miss Solo.”

 

And though she didn’t intend the name to mean anything, it pleased Rey to hear her acknowledge it.

 

When Ben re-entered the room sometime later, Rey had been pacing, with her arms crossed, staring intently at the floor. 

 

“Uh, a Clara Sindain stopped by earlier…” Rey said, even though she wished to ignore the encounter completely.

 

“What?” Ben nearly yelped, and anger flashed in his eyes.“The estate is supposed to be off-limits to all visitors, that order was made!”

 

“It looked to be an honest mistake, Ben.”Rey tried to calm him, while a much more haunting topic was still lingering in her mind. How long seven years is.How long seven years without companionship is. She’d endured it, finding solace in friendships and raising her daughter, but it tortured her how that woman said ‘friend’. “Ben, I think we should talk about…” she didn’t know how to phrase it, and she wanted to avoid the answer as long as possible.“I talked to that woman a bit, and she seemed... well...I know seven years is a long time to be… alone.”

 

“If you are insinuating that I have any sort of relationship with that woman or any other persons, I will stop you right there,”Ben said, nearly laughing.“She’s a spineless senator to me, and nothing more.But don’t let Kylin know I said that, I’m trying to teach her to be… kind to others we don’t agree with.”

 

“It’s a good lesson.” Rey smiled as air finally filled her lungs and her stomach untwisted.“So… never?”

 

He stepped in again, bringing one hand around to the small of her back and the other around the back of her head.“There has never been a day in which I wasn’t married, I’ll swear to it.”

 

She brought her hands to his chest and fell into the feel of his beating heart. Locking eyes with him once more she said, “never a day.” 

 

And they met with a kiss.One more articulate to the foolish ones the night before.One she would have expected if they had woken every day together.One they would wish to expect for a long time to come. 

 

“So, since you and Kira are planning on staying,” Ben started up with a cough and Rey fell back on her heels, “Would you continue to object to taking my name more formally, and not as my cousin?I quite admit I like hearing the sound of it.”

 

“Taking it where?” Rey laughed hoping Ben would drop the subject to no avail (even though she secretly liked hearing it as well).But it was a fruitless topic of the moment and she would’ve much rathered continued doing something else.

 

“You know what I mean….”

 

“Your mother didn’t take your father's last name.”

 

“I assure you it’s not a matter of our sexes, I would gladly accept yours as my own if… well, you had one aside from the assigned one they gave you for record keeping.”

 

Rey quieted, unsure if she was to take his words to be offensive.She turned and sat back down on the couch, her arms folded across her chest in contemplation.

 

“I don’t mean to hurt you by that, sweetheart,” he kneeled before her and placed his hands on her knees,his thumbs rubbing against the inside of her thighs, attempting to show as much restraint as possible. 

 

“You know as well as I do what Kira’s name is on her birth documents.”

 

“Then that leaves just you.” His hands traced up her legs to her hips.He stared at his fingers as they grasped her sides for a few moments before he looked back up at her. “I know why it scares you, but I can assure you all of those fears are for nothing.”

 

“Why do you care so much? It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

 

“My parents were... very proud people, their sense of independence was always more important to them than the sense of family, they would tell me otherwise, but…” he trailed off for a moment, not wanting to relapse into old grudges, “I’m not explaining myself very well, am I?”

 

“Ben…”

 

“It’s a family name.I’d like for us all to, one day, share it.” 

 

“A name doesn’t change that, plus our marriage was always a secret anyway, the only ones who would know would be us.”

 

“I know.That’s all I care for.”

 

“… You go by the name Organa here.”

 

“Yes, for history's sake. The Solo name, while not held in such a high esteem with cruel origins, is mine though.”

 

Standstill.

 

“You know more than anyone how the name meant nothing to me for such a long time, it was worth throwing away, but now… with a wife and children...”

 

“Shut up, Ben Solo,” Rey smiled nervously and Ben pulled her closer to him to lift himself up to her level.“Once… once things have settled I will consider your request.”

 

“I’m glad.”They both breathed in the silence. “I just want things to be settled.”

 

“I’m not sure they ever will be, love.”She fell forward, pressing her lips into his hairline.She hated the pessimistic voice inside of her.The one she’d silenced since she was five years old.But for the sake of her family, she needed to let it speak today.Both Ben and her daughters would need to know that this may not be the permanent reunion that had prayed for. 

 

The girls were fast asleep, one in Poe’s arms, the other in Leia’s when they arrived home shortly after.The sun had just set and the babysitters seemed just as ready to collapse.The two parents were handed off their offspring as they walked to their children's bedroom and Leia wished them all a good night, still with a grave look in her eye masking itself as sympathy.

 

Kira was the only one who stirred as her mother wrapped her in her a blanket as she placed her into her bed.She whispered something like the beginning of a story, of wanting to talk about her day, but she quickly fell back asleep mid-sentence after whispering something about a fish.

 

Rey smiled as she knelt at her daughters' bedside, smoothing out her daughter's hair which had become a frizzled mess.She gazed across at Kylin, who had managed to fall asleep without a single strand out of place. She couldn’t help but laugh, to which she hushed herself as her and her husband both left the room.Even though the girls were identical, it was clear some nurture came into play.

 

There wasn’t a question as to where she would sleep tonight, and they walked hand in hand down the decorative hallways reaching their bedroom with shy smiles and hopeful hearts.

 

“I’m afraid,” Rey admitted, observing the way her husband's eyes drifted along her body, “that it won’t be the same as before…”

 

Rey felt her concerns legitimate.Their entire course of intimacy had been greatly influenced by the connection they shared, but Ben heartily disagreed and refused to hear such an argument and effectively silenced her with his lips. 

 

Her body melted into his.Both thrumming with the longing from absence.She clutched onto his tunic to steady herself and it was quickly, but not regrettably, mistaken as encouragement to hurry things along by her husband and they tumbled back onto their bed.

 

Ben clearly gave up any attempts of restraining himself very early on as he tugged at the strings of his wife’s blouse.His fingers fumbled as he wanted them to be more places than they physically could be and Rey softly pushed him away when she rolled over onto her back.

 

“Ben,” she whispered, as he hovered over her, “I’m not leaving.We have time.I promise.”

 

He understood and slowed himself, just letting their bodies touch as their clothing went missing.His bare abdomen on hers, her chest against his.The fact that it was all real made his eyes sting, and he moved from her mouth to her neck so she wouldn’t see.But her pulse was heavy there, and that almost made it all the worse.  Her hands in his hair were all he ever wanted to feel for the rest of his days.

 

Making love was different in a sense, but not for better or worse.They had to listen to each other more, and in a way, that made it all the more invigorating.What it meant when her back arched, how it felt when her eyes fluttered and she'd bit her lip,or when her legs stiffened and locked him into place when all he wanted was to move and having to be patient for her.

 

He learned to be thoughtful of his hands, to control them in every spot in which they fell.Between her legs, or breasts, or wrapped around her back when it was taking all of his strength not to let go. But every part of this is what they had longed for, and it meant so much more than just the act of it. 

 

With shaking muscles and heavy breaths, they both rolled onto their sides, eyes blown from release.They spent a few quiet moments holding each other like that, not minding the heat between them, and Rey was slowly drifting asleep in his arms.

 

“As much as I love this vision in front of me,” Ben said, still pressing soft kisses against her neck.“We should probably redress.”

 

“Oh?” Rey said with a yawn, still tickling his skin with light touches down his stomach.

 

“I have a feeling we won’t be alone for much longer, and I don’t want to scar our daughters any more than they inevitably will be.”

 

“Kylin? She does this often?”Rey asked and Ben just nodded, “This sort of behavior… is it something we should discourage?”She’d seen advice on things along those lines in parental guidance holo shows, but she supposed her children were much different than the ones used to make those observations but she herself had been taught independence at an early age, albeit forced. 

 

“Absolutely not.” For the first time since her arrival Ben had sounded cross with her, he began to get up from the bed and Rey struggled to find words.“She needs to know that we are the people she comes too when she’s afraid, angry, sad… no matter what. We should never discourage that.”

 

“I… I’m sorry.” Rey murmured, crawling out of bed herself to find her discarded clothing, her chest beginning to ache.“You’re right.”

 

Ben was quiet for a minute while he redressed before turning back towards his wife, who was shrugging into her blouse.“I didn’t mean to sound harsh.”

 

Neither of them spoke of it again that night, but they knew what he meant. Ben had become the parent that he had needed, that he had wanted.

 

And sure enough, as Rey crawled back into their bed and lay her hand against her dearest’s chest, settling her head into the crook of his shoulder the bedroom door creaked opened.Both husband and wife kept their eyes closed as two children began to crawl over them and buried themselves in their parents embrace.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of a reminder a majority of the fic was written pre-TLJ, and was written with the assumption people didn't know Kylo Ren's true identity. :D

 

As the days passed and the restrictions on the Birren palace still in place, Arkanis native Clara Sindain found herself more and more wary of the family visitors she’d so unwittingly come across.Rumor was that there was a death in the family, and they had come to mourn, but the security holos so gratefully supplied to her showed no mourning of the sorts. 

 

The holos only displayed the outside perimeters of the estate and were filled with nothing suspicious.Guards doing their normal exchange.Leia Organa walking around the grounds with a scruffy man Clara didn’t recognize, possibly another relative.But no one else was ever spotted coming out of the palace gates. 

 

Until she was on the third day of footage. 

 

She was lazily forwarding through the vid when she finally spotted a casually dressed Ben Organa.The palace gates had been opened to let a shipment through and there was a brief glimpse of him through the doors.At first, there was nothing of particular interest about this, but then that woman, the one she’d had crossed with when she’d last been to the estate, came into view. She stopped next to her claimed cousin and turned to place a hand on his chest while she said something to him.An odd gesture, but it didn’t raise any particular red flags until the hand didn’t move. Ben’s hand wrapped around the much smaller one over his heart and he began to stroke it most tenderly. Clara’s brow furrowed, as she attempted to zoom in further on the pair, as much as the holo would allow.

 

Ben leaned into the woman in front of him, and pressed his lips to hairline, softly and slowly as his other hand began to lift her chin.Their lips were just about to touch when the gate allowing her this peek into their lives closed.

 

She wasn’t familiar with the practices in Alderaan colonies, or Chandrilla, or whatever planet the Organa’s and Solo’s had made their lives on, but she was almost positive most human planets frowned against intimate actions between people so closely related, that had been the case on Birren.But she supposed that was little to stop the action in their own home, and perhaps royal families still followed an unsaid rule of keeping their bloodline’s close.But to act upon it in the vicinity of his child who so longed to be with her biological mother.

 

The cogs in Clara's head seemed to click into place.The child who looked remarkably like this woman. Clara sat back in her chair while her brain tried to process what had happened in front of her.

 

‘Was this woman the mother?’The thought came to the forefront of her mind. Lord Organa and his daughter had always implied that she was still alive, but for this woman to claim she was nothing more than a cousin was questionable. Why would cousin be the preferred relation rather than a mother?If they had any shame about their dynamic, the woman would have avoided using that title.

 

 

Unless that part of the story was a lie.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

In the courtyard, Rey was sitting by the foot of one of the circular fountains with Ben’s head in her lap as he was sprawled out on the lawn in front of her. Kira and Kylin were both taking their turns plucking blades of grass and placing them on their father's face and giggling when he’d agitatedly blew them off when he sneezed.

 

Kylin got up and ran over to a flower bed and picked a variety of colored blossoms.

 

“Kylin, don’t ruin the plants!” Ben groaned, but he really wasn’t too bothered.He was too busy enjoying how Rey’s fingers ran against his scalp. She leaned forward to kiss him once his face was clear of greenery, and it was met by their daughters' protest.

 

“Blech,” Kylin spat as she sat back down by their sides with her handful of flowers. 

 

“You don’t have to do that in front of us, you know,” Kira added, taking one of the flowers her sister had brought over and beginning to weave them into their father's hair. 

 

“Trust me, there is plenty that we don’t do in front of you,” Ben responded and was met with a playful slap from his wife to the back of his head, “Ow!”

 

“Mom, let me do your hair!” Kylin exclaimed, jumping onto the fountain's edge to get a better angle on her mothers up-do.She began to remove the hair bands before Rey could even try to deny the request.

 

“Yes, bother your mother now,” Ben encouraged, bringing up his hand to unbraid one of the daisies now embedded in his hair. 

 

“Your hair is thicker than moms though,” Kira argued, “it makes it easier to braid!”

 

“You do need a haircut,” Rey added as Kylin began to tie one of the stems into her hair, “and a shave.”Rey reached around his head and grazed her fingers against the course stubble at the base of his chin. 

 

“I’ve been telling him that for ages!” Leia’s voice was suddenly heard from one of the garden paths, as if she was just waiting to criticize her son, not breaking her stride.Ben grunted and mumbled something about all of the women in his life working against him.

 

Leia had instructed Poe to leave Birren the day before, taking a spare ship that Leia had offered, leaving the Falcon on base.   While details of his sudden departure were suspiciously spared, the mumblings of "Coruscant" were overheard. 

 

“Hold still!” Kylin yelped as she yanked on her mother’s hair, and Rey winced.

 

“I said bother your mother, not punish her,”Ben said with a laugh, still lacking much meaning in his voice. 

 

“You always did like giving me a hard time, even when you were a baby” Rey chuckled and Kylin placed her chin on top of her head.

 

“I did?” she asked, leaning over.

 

“Well, when you were a baby, you didn’t like me much,” Rey laughed but her daughter got quiet.“You much preferred your father, every time I tried to hold you, you wouldn’t stop fussing until I gave you to him.”

 

“Oh,” she said meekly, her expression deflating, “um, is that why you left? Because you thought I liked Dad more-?”

 

“Kylin!” Ben snapped as he woke out of his daze, lifting his head up from his wife’s lap, flowers falling out of his hair.

 

“Oh no, love!” Rey exclaimed, turning around to grab her daughter from the ledge and placing her on her knee, squeezing her tightly, “No, no, no, no.”

 

“Why did we have to be apart then?” Kira asked, taking her place on her mother’s other knee. 

 

Rey looked up at her husband, wishing they could communicate wordlessly once more at this moment. She gazed at him, asking for silent permission, and he only cautiously looked at her in return. 

 

“There were some bad people who…” Rey paused because she didn’t know how to finish that sentence, they never did know what those villains were after or who they were.If they wanted to take them, take the twins, kill them, use them, they didn’t know.“They hurt a lot of people on account of us, and what we are.”

 

“Our family is different than most families. Well, every family.”Ben added.“That’s why we have to keep your strength in the Force secret.”The couple exchanged glances again, at an utter loss on how to continue.“You two were so young, and we couldn’t keep you running like that.Our frequency was too strong together-”

 

But then Kira and Kylin shared a look of their own.“Oh,” they said in unison, and it was clear the girls were more aware of the situation than they had let on.

 

“Why do you say it like that?” Ben questioned.“Do you remember anything?”

 

“No,” Kira shook her head.“It’s different than remembering.”Kylin hummed in agreement, and Rey's gut sank. 

 

“Are they, the bad people, coming back?” Kylin squeaked, nuzzling into her mother’s chest."Like in those dreams?"

 

“We… want to tell you the truth,” Rey decided for the both of them. Ben nodded.“And the truth is we don’t know.”

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

She needed to be alone, just for a bit. 

 

Ben, Leia, and the girls had been entertained enough watching holo-vids in one of the dens when her mind began to wander and her heart began to race.She felt herself trying to reach out again, finding oblivion, and breathing became hard.Once Ben seemed to catch on to her distress, she excused herself out the front gates, sprinting outside the palace walls. 

 

The girls sensed something was coming, and with all her focus she couldn’t even begin the fathom what it was.Ben spoke nearly nothing of it in private. She plopped down on a small patch of grass off the rocky road and closed her eyes. Tried breathing.Tried clearing her mind.But all that she could manage was choking on air and rapid thoughts of fire and despair. She clenched her fists and pulled up chunks of lawn and chucked them as far as she could, tears stinging her eyes. 

 

She tried again to feel the Force and looked inside herself for just a single fiber of light to hold onto, but all that was there was nothingness.Not even darkness, she knew what the felt like, what this felt like was emptiness. 

 

“Please,” she begged of those who had returned to the Force, hoping that they could help, but all that rang clear was silence, and as each passing moment when on, it became harder and harder to believe she ever had such a connection. She wiped her eyes and just started counting.Anything to comfort herself enough to be able to rejoin her family. 

 

She’d be so useless when the time came for their nightmares to be faced.She wouldn’t be able to protect them.Shaking her head of such thoughts, her mind went to Han, who would have berated her most unkindly with thoughts like that. 

 

Rey opened up her eyes when the sound of a twig snapping woke her out of her attempted meditation.

 

“Don’t be startled,” the voice said and any solace Rey had hoped to find vanished when she recognized the cadence. Rey turned to the sight of that senator she'd met some days before.

 

“Miss Sindain, I’m sorry to inform you that the estate restrictions are still in effect, Ben won’t be seeing you-“ 

 

“You are mistaken on several accounts,” the woman said, towering over Rey with dark knowing eyes, “I’ve come to see you, and alas,” she pointed to the Palace gates in which Rey had passed, “you are no longer on estate grounds, I am breaking no rules.”

 

“Then… what do I owe the pleasure,” Rey responded, avoiding eye contact at all costs as she stood to full height.

 

“You intrigue me, Miss Solo,”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“I find your relationship with your cousin intriguing, the way you look at each other, I would have assumed you were lovers.Not too common to a practice in human relations on this planet.”

 

“How would you know such ‘looks’ we exchange?”

 

“It is in my planets best interest to keep an eye out for our Royalty”

 

“Then what are you implying?”

 

“I think you know.”All pretense faded and a scowl most cruel crossed this woman’s face.

 

“I think it’s best if you leave.” Rey stumbled, not knowing how else to handle this confrontation other than avoiding it.She changed her direction and walked quickly towards the nearest gate. 

 

“So what is it?” Clara didn’t let up.“I was lied too, Miss Solo, and I think it is in my right to know how I was deceived.I have dedicated my life to the political service of Birren and won’t have some concubine ruining it!”

 

“Concubine?”Rey gasped, trying to convince herself to not give in to the gratification of responding to this woman.“I can assure you Miss Sindain, I am nothing of the sort.”

 

“Well, what am I to assume?You tell me you are his cousin, and certainly, that wouldn’t be what you would tell me if your preferred relationship was the lover.I was then lead to believe you were actually Kylin’s mother, but why would such a happy reunion be deceived-“

 

Rey’s heart dropped.“Guards!”She yelled, her face red, her eyes watering as soon as she reached the front entrance that walled off the home. 

 

“Or are you just Ben’s lucky find? Some girl from the outskirts who just happens to look like his estranged wife.Some swap out because he can’t have the real thing.”

 

It was then through the anger Rey wanted to laugh.Laugh at the pathetic attempts this woman was spewing, but if she let any emotions out it would be clear that Clara had gotten to her. 

 

“Miss Sindain!”A voice called out from behind Rey, and she turned to see the face of her husband casually walking towards them with his hands in his pockets. 

 

“Ben, what a pleasant surprise!” the woman greeted, her facade rebuilt.Rey felt her hands shaking as Ben reached them and put his hand on hers to try to calm it.

 

“Rey, my mother was looking for you,” he continued to glare at the unwanted guest, “I’m sorry to take your company away, Miss Sindain.” 

 

Rey squeezed his hand briefly as a warning before she ran off towards the house, hoping to find the first set of guards by the entrance.

 

“Please, Ben, you may call me Clara, we are much too familiar to use formal names.”

 

“Clara, then,”Ben muttered, as he stepped outside the Palace gates, waiting for Rey to disappear, but once she did a fire burned inside of him that he hadn’t felt in a decade.“I don’t know where you get this notion that you belong in this household or have any say in anything that is done on this planet, but I assure you, my feelings towards you are just as sour of my mothers, if not more so. I do not appreciate the company”

 

Clara took a step back and her expression dropped.

 

“I will not have you coming onto my estate again, I will not have you threatening my family. I don’t know what game you are intending to play, but if it’s my death, I’m ready to play.”

 

He took another step forward and Clara found herself backed against the vine-covered wall, the blood draining from her face.

 

“If you threaten my children or my wife, you can assure your senatorial influences will be ripped from your hands and you will be sent back to Arkanis like your traitorous family should have been ages ago and imprisoned for treason. You will wish for death.”He slid his hand to his hip and pulled out the metal hilt that was undeniably one of a Jedi Weapon and he shoved the piece of metal against her gut, “I will make your world a living hell.” His thumb grazed the activation button on the device but ultimately stood back straight, letting his cloak fall forward to cover the device again.“Good evening, Miss Sindain.”

 

As Ben turned away he noticed a tuft of black hair whiz around the gate, back towards the side of the house.“Kriff,” he cursed to himself as the realization hit him that one of his daughters had followed him, and as turned back to Clara, all sense of calmness gone, and said, “If I ever see you near this place again, I can guarantee you hell!”Then at the sight of the guards approaching, he fled to follow the shadow of one of his children.

 

“Kira!” Ben shouted as he ran after her.She wasn’t in his sight but he could hear the small patter of her steps along the pavement.“Kira, let me explain!”

 

The trail went cold as the sound of steps stopped.The sound of sniffling led him to peek over a bush to see the small figure cowering within the branches.Her small hands were covering her ears as if blocking her senses would make the whole galaxy go away.

 

But it was when he was close enough that his initial assumption proved to be wrong and the world around him shattered as her fear shot through him like a thousand knives. His hand shook as he began to reach down towards her and she scurried into the bush even further. 

 

"Kylin..," he whispered as her tiny foot slid out from view."Please, please, talk to me."

 

Undoubtedly her ears were still covered, but just as undoubtedly she was ignoring him too.He could still hear her soft whimpers coming out through the branches.He had made his will perfectly clear outside those gates, and the kind of fury that was within him was probably palpable enough that his mother could sense.Something had snapped in him.

 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t want you to see-“

 

"What was that?" She shook.Her body vibrating with terror.

 

"What?"

 

"I've never felt that around you before, that wasn't..." She said, clapping her hands tighter around her ears as if she was trying to silence her own mind, “That's who you really are, isn't it?”

 

Ben found himself lacking words, he had no argument to make.

 

“This is all because of you, isn’t it?All of this!  That's the dark side!”

 

“No! That's not true," he began but the reasoning wouldn't come, "It's not."

 

He heard more scrambling under him and Kylin appeared from out of the shrubbery, she had small cuts in her arms from the branches and Ben leaned down to try to observe them, but she shoved him away and ran, much like her sister had.But that was before she felt that darkness, and there was nothing more damning than experiencing it for yourself. 

 

When he was alone again, and all that surrounded him was the night, he unclipped the saber from his belt. He looked down at the activation button, stroking it for a moment before the saber thrummed with life.Illuminating the area with a crimson glow. His daughter’s words echoed inside of his head, he thought about who he’d be if he’d lost them, and the blade retracted into its hilt with a sour hiss. If Rey, Kira, and Kylin had left Birren, safe on some homey outer rim world, with never another worry in their lives, he could live with his failures.

 

But if he failed to protect them and if he had lost them all, who would he be?Where would his loyalties be?What would he do to avenge them?

 

Perhaps she was right.

 

—

 

 

 

“This is Clara Sindain, reporting from the Colonized planet of Birren.” She spoke into her communicator, pacing the dark floor of her office, “I am able to confirm with one hundred percent certainty that all of the members of the Sect’s search are located on this planet.”

 

“Why can you say that?” A metallic voice belonging to something not quite human responded.

 

“It seems Lord Vader’s influence has stayed strong in his family, something long expected from the Senate, but never quite confirmed.”

 

“And…”

 

“Ben Organa, Leia Organa’s son, Reigning monarch of Birren, is in possession of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber.”

 

The comm-link broke off without another note and she smiled to herself.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few more chapters left :DD


	18. Chapter 18

 

 

She’d never felt anything like that before.Fear had been a familiar friend, as was anger, but that was something she had never experienced or felt from any other human being.Maybe this is what Kira had experienced, what Kylin was so easily convinced to brush off just days prior.So she fled. Fled as far away from that feeling as she could. Her head was throbbing, so loudly she was unsure if her father was even bothering to call after her and she ducked in a side door and sprinted down the shadowed halls. 

 

Kira was… somewhere.She tried to reach out and see her, see what she saw, but everything was fuzzy and perhaps imaginary. Kylin tripped over herself climbing the stairs, all while trying to gain some sense of her breathe and burst into her bedroom to find that it was vacant.

 

Every light in the palace was out.The only luminescence coming from the moonlight through the windows. The entire household had gone to sleep as if nothing was looming and that was all the more daunting.

 

“Kira?” Kylin yelped, but too meekly to be heard even if there someone to hear it.It was assuredly met by silence and the girl ran from the room once more.

 

There was one more place she thought to look, her father’s, or she supposed her parent’s room, but the thought of going there filled her with dread.Her father was still outside the palace, but surely he would go there once he felt the need to return.She needed to find both Kira and her mother before that and swallowed her fear as she sprinted onwards. 

 

Finding the door already open, with Kira and her mother inside, Kylin fell to her knees as her legs gave out, at last, sobbing so hard that words couldn’t even begin to form.Her mother leaped to Kira’s side who had darted up from her snuggled place in bed. 

 

“Love, what’s wrong? What happened?” Rey panicked, sweeping the girl up in her arms, rocking her as if she were a baby.

 

“I was wrong, Mama.I was wrong.”

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Ben hovered outside his bedroom door.The house had been quiet since he returned inside some time ago.He could hear soft murmurs from the other side of the wall, one belonging to his wife and the others, though more muffled, undoubtedly his children.He was paralyzed. He didn’t even bother to try making out the words, not wanting to hear how his actions appeared in the eyes of a child.In the eyes of anyone for that matter. Clenching his fists at his side, using every remainder of his will not to throw them into the wall behind him, he sulked against the wall, dragging his body downwards until he hit the floor, those little murmurs masked with sobs the only sound penetrating his mind.

 

Kylin was the reason he hadn’t completely lost Kira during her vision.Kylin had faith that the man who raised her, her father, was more than just what the past had told them.He had chosen to be better.And of course, he had to run off and prove them wrong within days. 

 

It could have been minutes.It could have been hours.But when he drifted back to reality, it was silent. No more whispers, questions, or a mother’s gentle humming.He wasn’t sure if that soothed him or not. The door to his room creaked open and Ben jolted to full attention, fearing the eyes that would look back at him.

 

“I had a feeling you were out here,” the voice of his wife came through.She didn’t look furious or otherwise disappointed like he would have expected, if anything, she sounded peaceful.“I may have lost my connection to the Force, but I pictured this pretty well.”She gave a light laugh, as not to disturb the others, as she looked at her startled partner who was folded awkwardly by the door.“The girls are asleep.”

 

“I messed up, Rey,” Ben muttered, his face falling into his hands as Rey sat next to him after closing the door behind her.

 

“Maybe.” Rey shrugged and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, and at that moment they felt very young again as if they were still newly formed lovers on Naboo. 

 

“What did they tell you?” He asked after a few seconds, maybe if only to delay hearing the words.

 

“They’re scared,” Rey started, looking at him, but Ben quickly averted her gaze, “everything that is happening is so new to them, it’s a lot to adjust too, especially when we can’t tell them everything.”

 

“Which is my fault as well.”His eyes began to sting, and he cursed under his breath, “I’m going to keep driving them away, aren’t I? Once they learn more?I’ll keep driving them away with these secrets until-“

 

“Ben. Stop.” Rey’s calming tone had dissipated slightly.“We aren’t going to lose them.They will know all the dangers they face, as well as how to fight them.You can give them that.”

 

“I don’t think I can, Rey,” Ben finally turned to her, “I almost lost control tonight.No.I did lose it, and I can’t say that I wouldn’t do it again. They… you don’t deserve that.”

 

“You always punish yourself like I don’t know anything about you!” Rey said, with a bite to try to get through to him.“Like you are hiding some secret from me.Like I had no idea what I was getting into.”

 

Ben chewed on his lip as he tried to think of a response, but his wife was far from done.

 

“I’ve been through everything with you.I was there for all of it.I’ve seen all of it.” 

 

“…”

 

“And yet you still act like you have to go through this alone.” 

 

“For so long I have been, Rey!” he barked and immediately wished he could take back his words for her mouth dropped.

 

“You are the one who left me,” her voice weakened, cracking under the foundation, “don’t act like I wanted this.When I woke up, I was alone.On a strange planet with one child.A husband and daughter missing.”

 

“It’s what we agreed upon!”

 

“It didn’t make it hurt any less! For months afterward all I wanted was to…”Rey couldn’t even say the word, knowing her daughters were so close.“I had no connection to the Force, and life had seemed so empty without it.I had lost you, the only person I’d ever shared that connection with.It was gone.” She closed her eyes to compose herself, “But I knew, whatever pain I felt, you were hurting too.And you and I, we can handle anything this cruel life throws at us.” A small smirk crossed her lips and Ben feared she was losing it, “plus, I wasn’t about to let you beat me. I have a very good track record.”

 

And somehow throughout all of this, he managed a short laugh, covering his mouth to mute the noise immediately afterward.Rey learned over to press her lips against the shell of his ear and he let out a short sigh at the comfort and let his hands drop.

 

“Ben…” Rey sighed, reaching up to cup the mans face in her palms, “I know.”

 

“What?”

 

“The darkness just doesn’t go away, it's part of you. We are all beings that are capable of selfishness and anger, and to act like it is unnatural…”

 

“...Is what consumes you.” Ben completed as if this had been lectured to him a thousand times.He wasn’t tired of hearing it though, especially from the person he needed to hear it from the most.

 

“But each day, we make the choice, you and I, to be better.Sometimes it still haunts me too.”

 

“You are sounding like my uncle” 

 

Rey grinned. “I have no doubts in your loyalty to our family, in all our time apart, that is something I’ve always known.I knew you’d do anything to protect them.This is all going to take some time, but I have a feeling it will be okay”She placed her head on his shoulder, and grasped his fingers between hers, “and one day, when our daughters are grown and have adventures all their own, they will be glad they learned these truths and had us for every step of accepting them.”

 

Silence absorbed them again.They both closed their eyes and Ben simply enjoyed his wife’s fingers as they danced over his. 

 

“You have to leave here, Rey,” he was able to say as he turned to embrace her, his words contradicting his actions.“You, my mother, and the girls.”

 

“Ben-” Rey sighed, thinking her words had not gotten through to them. 

 

“Rey, I’m serious.”His grasp tightened.“They know we are here.I know it.”

 

“How?” Rey pleaded, with a hope he was just being dramatic.

 

“I just do.” He stood and lifted his wife alongside him, and leaned his forehead against hers, “The girls can sense it too, they just don’t know what to make of these bad dreams yet, but even I can’t deny it any longer, as much as I just want to fall asleep with you in my arms tonight and pretend it isn’t real.”

 

“We’re stronger together. You know this!”

 

“I do!But I also know I’d do anything to protect you, and you need to leave.”He straightened, as he acknowledged his own truth, “I’m going to find my mother and send troops to ready the Falcon.You four will depart for Naboo in the morning.”

 

“It will never end as long as we keep running.”

 

“That’s why I’m not running.They want me, Rey.”

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Neither girl woke as their mother and grandmother carried them aboard the freighter.Lazily slumped on their shoulders as droids supplied the ship for the travels. 

 

“I’ve made the call,”Leia whispered after she had put Kylin down on a bunk as she turned back towards Ben.“My fighters will be here within the day.More will come if you are right about all of this.”

 

Mother and son gazed at each other for a moment.“I’m not wrong.”

 

Rey had almost refused to make eye contact since the decision had been made.One she felt terribly apart from, and Leia hadn’t sided with her either.After seven years apart, and promises made, they were leaving again.The stakes the same. Anger boiled in her.How long would it be this time?A week or another seven years?

 

Or something much more permanent. 

 

She choked on the thought and walked briskly from the room, passing Ben and Leia, and down to the loading dock, needing a few more seconds of fresh air before being trapped inside hyperspace for a few days. The sun hadn’t yet risen, but a small tint of red had begun to show from the horizon, and a pair of arms wrapped around her waist. 

 

“It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to watch the sunrise,” Ben murmured in her ear, resting his chin on her shoulder.

 

“It’s happening again, Ben.” she whimpered, leaning back against his chest."Leaving. Always leaving."

 

“It's going to be over soon.”

 

“It should be the both of us, not just you-“

 

“It’s better this way," he said after a moment, looking straight out at the rising sun. 

 

“Why? Just because I can’t access the Force anymore, does that mean I can’t fight alongside you?”

 

“Rey you know that’ not what I mean.”

 

“What do you mean?” Rey said, pretending like she didn't already know.She just didn't want that to be the truth. 

 

He took a deep breath, and Rey just waited for him to say the words, “It’s better for our daughters to have someone to come home too.They shouldn’t lose both of us.”

 

“Don’t say that.”She held back a sob, “don’t you even think that.”

 

“Fine.”He dug his nose into her neck and his grasp tightened, and Rey ignored the newfound dampness on her skin.“I love you.”

 

Rey turned around so she could throw her arms around his neck.Both squeezing so tightly that air was no longer an option. 

 

“Our story is about them now,”Ben said as he looked upon his wife then back towards the Falcon. 

 

“I know.”She wept, bringing him down for one more crushing kiss before facing the fact that she would have to part with him. 

 

 

 

 

 

For Ben now knew, who this enemy was.And he would be the only one to blame for the punishment they would bear.


	19. Chapter 19

Ben couldn’t even bring himself to blink as he watched the Falcon take off above the skyline, fearing that this single blink could mean missing the final moment his family was in his sights.  
  
Once he heard the faint sound of the hyperdrive activating, he could look away.

The silence of the landing bay as the sun rose was soon interrupted by the palace guards, who were clearly uneasy to approach.

“Your Highness,” the tall female guard said while her male counterpart remained silent with sympathetic eyes.“Are you ready to return to the palace? The military is on alert and is currently scanning the system.”

Ben ignored the guard's question. “Have they found anything?”

“Not yet, sir.”

Ben let himself an audible sigh of relief, a weakness he wouldn’t usually display in front of his service, but if anything had picked up on the scan, whatever that was, it could have easily picked up the Falcon.Whoever was coming needed to come directly to him. 

The low hum of a speeder approached from the way of the palace and both the guards stood attentively as Ben hesitantly agreed to climb into the back.He wasn’t sure how protected he would be at home, but he had to remind himself that the goal wasn’t to secure his own safety but to make sure his daughters would be able to live knowing what true freedom was.He could do that for them if nothing else.

When Ben reached the household, with the privacy embargo lifted after his family’s departure, he was met with military officials and portable Holo Projectors mapping out the entire sector in his greeting hall.Watching and identifying every blip on the screen.Birren, while barely in the inner rim, was mostly a forgotten planet to the rest of the core worlds.Each blip was either passing debris or a trade ship bypassing the planet entirely. 

“My lord, has the princess and your mother made it out safely?” A captain asked, and his superior elbowed him in the chest for speaking so freely. 

Ben grunted an affirmation and gazed into the holograms.He tried his best to focus, to see what he could sense or pull from the force in this time of peril, but it was as if nothing was looming.As if he had just made a huge mistake. 

The General, a tall dark skinned man by the name of Panthiq, approached Ben and dismissed the guards that stood at his sides in a request for some privacy.The two began a calm stride down the palace hall, in an attempt to not divert attention, but it was clear Panthiq had some concerns to address.

“Lord, is there any way you can be more clear about the threat you have heard about, an area we can scout or -”

“Just keep watch.”

“There are only so many men I can keep active without a proper threat.”

Ben chewed his lip for a moment.He could only see his daughters faces.The betrayed and hurt faces that he’d never get to see differently. 

“Clara Sindain.”

“Pardon?” Panthiq asked as if Ben had just said gibberish. 

“The Politician. Clara Sindain. Have her located and detained immediately.”

 

—

 

Rey hadn’t felt a void like this since she had first awoken after Ben’s departure. The children were still asleep in their bunks, perhaps blissfully unaware that in their slumber they were being transported across the galaxy.Leia sat with her hands in her lap, gazing out into the spiral of Hyperspace.Rey was surrounded by the people she loved, and she knew she was doing the right thing. She knew Ben was right but every instinct in her body told her it was wrong.Her hand would subconsciously reach for the controls of the ship to bring them out of Hyperspace, but she would snap back to attention and pull her hand back. 

“I’m going to check on the girls,” Leia began to stand, feeling Rey’s resentment. 

“No.” Rey rejected, perhaps her voice too stern.“Let them rest.”

“They’ll wake soon, Rey,” Leia seated herself again though.“We’ll tell them together.”

It was meant to be comforting but Rey felt offended to her very core.As if it would be easier to tell her children that they would likely never see their father again as a team.That their whole life needed to start anew.That they would never get the chance to say goodbye, or hear their father’s apology and truly know how much he loved them.They would never truly know.They were still so young, and he would fade far into the back of their memories, but they would be safe.That’s what she would have to tell them, and no amount of support would make that easy.

The ship slowed from its first jump and Rey calculated the next.Leia returned to twiddling her thumbs. Rey could tell the silence made her uncomfortable, but perhaps that was only because of the guilt. 

“I know I shouldn’t blame you,” Rey said, finally looking Leia in the eyes.

“But you do.” Leia gave a weak smile in return, “it’s okay, dear.”

“I didn’t want any of this,” Rey mumbled, and Leia raised an eyebrow.“I sacrificed everything I had so I had a chance of living some sort of normal life. And now I have to lose him forever.”

“You know, no matter what, Ben will find his way back to you.”

Rey’s eyes glazed over as she attempted to register what Leia meant.

“It took Luke some time, I think it takes some longer than others.But you know, no matter what, Ben will find his way back to you.People like him, people like us, we are given that gift.”

She meant Ben will find her within the Force, and she finally falls over into her lap into a giant sob.“I don’t want that.”

“I know, but he’ll never be truly gone.”

Rey shook her head violently in her hands.Her stomach twisting.She longed to be able to reach out on the Force and feel Ben there, feel him alive, but she still felt nothing, and what if, if Ben had rejoined the Force because she was no longer connected, she couldn’t see him again.

No.She couldn’t let this happen. When their time came, they would rejoin the Force together.She knew very little about the Force’s plan, but she knew that.Rey leaped from her seat back into the lounge and Leia followed behind.

“Rey, what are you doing?”  
  
“I’m getting in an escape pod.I’m going back.”  
  
“You can’t Rey, think of Kira and Kylin.They need you.”

“They need him too.And I deserve to have all of them.I do.” Rey bit back and she may have never sounded so angry before, never raising her voice to such levels, “I have given up everything for this damned Galaxy when all I’ve wanted since the beginning was a family who wants me.I have that. And I deserve to keep it for once in my damned life.”

It was only then that Rey realized who she was talking too. Who she was taking her anger out on.Leia Organa of the lost planet Alderaan.Leia.The one person in this galaxy who understood loss better than anyone else.The one person who had truly lost everything and knew the guilt that came with it better than anyone else.Just as Rey went to apologize, Leia lifted her hand to stop her from speaking.  
  
“I can’t stop you, Rey.” She said, her eyes tired.Then distant.

Rey turned around to see the blinking eyes of her children, standing in the doorway of their room.Kira’s hair wild from slumber, Kylin’s a bit better kept.Both exuding confusion and worry. 

 

—  
  
It had been hours and Clara Sindain hadn’t budged.She’d been more than willing to oblige to the arrest, claiming to completely ignorant, and as she was questioned by the second lieutenant, her wide eyes and blank stare sold her cluelessness. 

Ben watched from a Holo, waiting for the slightest hint, the slightest hesitation, but she played her part well. 

“Take me to the holding cells,” Ben demanded, breaking the discussion amongst the ranks that still filled his home. 

“Sir, we are under strict orders to keep you here,” Panthiq replied

“From who? You and I are the ones in charge here.” Ben furrowed his brow as the soldiers around the General suppressed a laugh.The General flushed.“We can’t keep her there forever without cause, and the only way we are going to get it is if I go.” 

“How do you know this sir.”

_Because she knows everything._ Ben thought to himself. _And she won’t be able to resist using that against me._ But little did Clara Sindain know, that he had no use for secrets anymore.Their final day was upon them. 

After successful transportation, just outside the main city, to the Birren holding cells, Ben watched through the glass of the interrogation room. The interrogator had left for a quick break and reassessment, and Clara was left alone, and she was not yet made aware that Ben was waiting on the other side of the trick mirror.

“Would you like us to accompany you?” Panthiq asked, still hesitant for even leaving the palace. 

“No.” he growled as he focused his gaze.There was a control board in front of the glass.One that controlled the recordings and the audio that played back for those watching from this side.“May I see your blaster, General?”

“I… I’m afraid I can’t let you bring that into an interrogation, sir.” Panthiq’s expression wavered into something more concerned as he grasped his blaster for security though it was still attached to his thigh holster. 

“I’m not bringing it in. I just want to confirm your weapons are set to stun.”  
  
“I can assure you, they always are unless we are in a high alert situation.”

“I would appreciate seeing it with my own eyes, General.” Ben stared the man directly in the eyes, just letting the force ever so slightly flow through his words. 

“Of course, sir.” Panthiq’s eyes glazed over as if they were galaxies away, and the hand at his waist flicked open the holster and handed the blaster over. 

“Great model.” Ben pretended to converse as he eyed the gun's settings.But before Panthiq could completely awaken from his trance Ben fired the blaster at the control panel in front of them, watching as the machinery sparked and hissed as it inevitably shut down.“But uncivilized to say the least.”He did confirm the settings, as promised, before shoving the blaster back into his General’s chest and leaving the room to go into the interrogation chamber.

“Ah, my lord, what a pleasure to see you here,” Clara said from her chair, her wrists bound to her lap.“If only you had come in a few more hours I would be a little less tied up, they seem to have thought I have done something wrong.” 

“Cut it, Sindain,” Ben growled, taking the interrogators chair on the opposite side of her, his back to the window.“I’ve disabled any audio or video tracks, you don’t need to act in front of me.” 

While her face didn’t change, the cadence in her voice had when she spoke next, “so that’s what that blaster fire was.” 

“What do you know?” Ben lowered his voice and leaned in. 

Clara remained silent and pursed her lips together tightly. 

“You have put your entire planet in danger, all of the people you have sworn to protect!” Ben threw his fist down at the table before him and the clatter made Clara jump.But after the initial starter she let out a laugh, a short chuckle, but laughter nonetheless. 

“ _I_ have put my planet in danger?”She hissed, a voice slightly above a whisper, “You come here, a distant heir to the throne, all under a false pretense and I am the one who has endangered our people?” 

“You called the remnants of the First Order here with a vengeance!” Ben snapped back and Clara relaxed back in her chair as much as she could, given her position. 

“First Order?” she had the gall to smirk, “you think I called for them?”

“Yes.Who else would care about my… identity.”

“It’s a funny thing, living two lives,” she said, her voice lowering and her eyes simmering, “Ben Solo and Kylo Ren.How that managed to stay a secret for so long I will never know.”

Ben felt his body begin to shake, but he refused to give in to her manipulations.

“Ben Solo, just an ordinary human who followed in his mother’s footsteps. A completely average mother and son.We only knew of your Jedi uncle.” she paused and seemed to gather a confirmation from Ben’s expression, “Your mother hid her abilities, and she made you hide yours too until you couldn’t control them any longer.So you took on a new name and began a new life.Separate from the ones who wanted to control you.”

“That’s no-“ he began to counter, but she wasn’t completely wrong. 

“So while the galaxy feared Kylo Ren, Ben Solo remained untainted.The child of War heroes.Born from the celebration of victory, only to create more chaos.” she laughed, “I couldn’t have written a better story if I tried.I wouldn’t have thought it would be possible, and yet, it took a decade for you to slip up to the wrong person.”

“Who did you call for?” he growled, punching each word. 

“My family was loyal to the First Order. Most of the citizens who come here from Arkanis were.The New Republic did our system no favors.They ignored most of the galaxy.They kept the people who were satisfied, satisfied, and ignored the smaller systems who couldn’t make enough noise to gather their attention.That’s what the First Order meant to us.They were the group no one took seriously, until, they made enough noise.” 

Ben’s heart sank. Clara’s words took him back to a place he never wanted to go and she knew she was having that effect. 

“I didn’t call for the First Order though, you can rest easy knowing that any remaining faction of their influence is nothing more than pathetic cult worship.”

“Who. Did. You. Call. For?” he repeated.She stared at him blankly.

Sirens blared. 

Lights flashed. 

“Emergency Code: 817. Repeat, Code: 817.Unauthorized air fleet approaching.”

The whirring sirens nearly deafened Ben as he remained unaffected through the chaos.The frantic orders and running outside in the halls echoed into the interrogation chamber as he stared down at their prisoner. 

“The real kicker is… I don’t know.” 

And Ben knew at that moment she was telling the truth.And he fled from the room to join his guard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, this fic was originally finished, but changing it to try to be TLJ canon compliant proved to be a little more difficult than I thought. Just know this fic was written in a time where it may have been a little more plausible that people didn't know Kylo Ren was Ben Solo. 
> 
> In Bloodline it was established Leia and Ben had kept their Force abilities hidden to the wider public. 
> 
> One Chapter Left!


	20. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably go through and pad out, re-edit, one day. But for now. I just need this thing marked as complete.

General Panthiq had snapped out of his trance by the time the sirens began to blare.He had been running towards the interrogation room when Ben exited with heavy breath. 

“You said nothing was on the scanner!” Ben roared.It had been a few hours, but something in him needed to lash out, and his General accepted it. 

“I’m sorry, my Lord.It seems like a fleet has just exited hyperspace in our system.”he paused to watch the commlink on his wrist flash in some sort of pattern, “we need to get you back to somewhere safe.”

The sirens blared even louder as if they could possibly be ignored, and another group of soldiers ran down the hall in synchronization. Ben and his General exchanged a quick glance and Ben began to run for an exit toward the outside, Panthiq chasing after him with vigor. 

W hen Ben burst out into the light of day, he was greeted by the sight he had expected but had hoped for anything else. Star Destroyer.One large enough to cast a shadow across the planet that would certainly send the populous into a panic. 

It was a larger class that could certainly manufacturer enough smaller ships to wreak havoc far beyond what Birren was capable of handling.Even though it was only one ship as far as he could tell, there was certainly a fleet inside. Ready to depart. 

“Sir, we need to get you out of here,” Panthiq said, in a small voice, almost drowned out by the sirens.But he was there to do his job, and even though he knew there was nothing to be said to get Ben to leave, he had to try. 

“I’m what they want.” Ben murmured.“The only place I will be going is to where they can find me.”

Suddenly the sky filled with a much too familiar whirl.His mother had said she had sent for reinforcements, meaning Dameron had probably called in a few squadrons.Like wasps swarming a nest, X-Wings buzzed around the destroyer, not yet shooting, but intimating the invader. Inviting them to release their fighters.

“Kriff.”Ben cursed 

“We need the assistance, sir.”Panthiq started.

“Now people are guaranteed to die, General!”he spat, “If they just came for me, they could have left with me without anyone getting hurt.Preemptive attack is what has caused every one of out galaxies problems for the last century.”  
  
Panthiq’s face twisted as if he wanted to counter, but decided against it as Ben took a step in.

“Take me to them.And contact Dameron.” 

** — **

 

Kira hadn’t known her mother to always be the most put together person.She liked practical clothes over fashionable ones.She didn’t mind a couple days of grime on her skin.She certainly didn’t think about the knots in her hair after a day of working on ships. But Kira had never seen her mother look quite like this. 

Kylin and she had woken up on the Falcon.That hadn’t been where they had gone to sleep.Something wasn’t right.Something was changing yet again and the two bolted from their bunks and fled to find someone. 

“Mama, what’s going on?”Kira finally said, looking up at her mother and grandmother from the Falcon lounge. 

Their mother was speechless, she looked down at her children with an open mouth, but no words escaped. Her eyes were dark and sullen, masking a misery she had kept with her for too many years. 

“Nothing, loves, go back to bed,” she finally managed, but averting her gaze.She adjusted a bag on her shoulder and moved no more, waiting for her daughters to leave, but after a moment, she let out a sob that no child should have to hear from their parent and she fell to her knees. 

The two girls shouted in worry and ran to her side while Leia, in her age, knelt down next to her with more care. 

“Why can’t we win?” Rey pleaded to Leia, holding her own body to stop it from shaking, “no matter what we do, we cannot win.”

“Mama,” Kylin squeaked, suddenly noticing a giant presence missing within the ship.She curled up into her mother's side, filled with a rush of guilt, “Where’s Dad?”

Rey’s only response was another muffled sob into Leia’s chest. 

“He had to stay behind,” Leia spoke in Rey’s place, holding her head as a mother would their own child.Her voice strong for them both.“He will find us soon-“

“You’re lying!” Kylin accused her heart in her throat. 

“He had to do thi-“

“Stop!”

“It’s because he loves-“

“STOP!” Kylin squealed and the Falcon’s lights flickered and Kira grabbed her sister’s palm in fright.She squeezed her hand tightly in an effort to connect and calm her but the Falcon jolted and Rey released herself from Leia’s grasp and gathered both of her girls in her arms.

Suddenly Kira knew something, and she didn’t quite understand how.But while the Force between them was chaotic and spiraling, there was also something soothing beyond it.Something that told her what to say. 

“Mama. It’s okay.”She whispered. Returning the embrace.“You can go back for him.You’re his only hope.” 

** —  **

 

The Birren fleet and the Resistance fighters began their aerial acrobatics and strike against the Star Destroyer's cannon systems.Ben gazed from the ground below for a moment as he watched one successful hit followed by a Y-Wing being blasted out of the sky. Only seconds after the battle had begun a life had been lost, and it was pointless.It was over him.Someone who didn’t deserve another life lost on his behalf. 

“Panthiq, have you contacted Dameron yet?” Ben snapped as his General scrambled with different communicators, attempting to gain a signal with the Resistance’s lead pilot. 

“Trying sir, their codes are scrambled and we haven’t received any proper method to communicate.”

Ben growled, while he knew this wasn’t intentional, it felt like it had been.An attempt to keep him from doing what he needed to do. 

“This is Black Leader.” A voice echoed through the comm link at long last, Ben jumped towards the device before Panthiq had a chance to reply.

“Poe, it’s Ben.Tell your army to retreat.”

“What?!” Poe exclaimed before Ben even finished his sentence.

“Stop your attack.”

“OUR attack? Solo, you’ve got a Star Destroyer over your planet.We’re here to save your sorry ass.”

“Exactly.Don’t do that.” Ben barked and Dameron quieted. “Tell your pilots to back off.They want me.No need to encourage an airstrike when they’ve only been looking for me.” 

The commlink buzzed in the silence. 

“Copy,”Poe said, and the link shut off.Within minutes the Resistance fighter ships had retreated out of Birrens atmosphere leaving only the Star Destroyer over the skies expanse.Hovering over the planet's grasslands. 

“I’m going alone,”Ben said, looking over at his General who was seconds from suggesting to contrary.“You and the others find safety.Keep a look out for if they release their interior fleet. Do nothing until they do.You are to protect the people, not me.”

Panthiq nodded and turned back towards his speeder. Ben entered the fields until he had completely emerged himself in the Destroyer's dark shadow.  
  
Ben nearly expected every cannon to turn to him, but instead, a landing gate opened on the bottom of the ship.Releasing one, what could best be described as an escape pod, to float down towards the surface.    
  
It was not a ship Ben could place.Certainly not one made for any sort of war.So Ben’s hypothesis proved correct, whoever and come here was not looking to kill Ben Solo, they were looking to recruit Kylo Ren.Ben instinctively traced the saber at his side as his final line of defense as the pod landed in the field around 20 yards from where he stood.The pod released a sharp hiss followed by a cloud of smoke and three figures emerged from the fog. 

Hooded.Two holding blasters.One weaponless.All unfamiliar. 

Ben met his opponents' approach and took a step forward.The leader removed her hood once she was close enough to truly reveal herself, but Ben still drew a blank at her identity or affiliation.  
  
“Why have you come here?” he shouted, the woman almost surprised that he spoke first.

“Good to see you again, Kylo Ren.” Her voice.It chimed in his mind as something recognizable.He scrambled to place it but couldn’t find an answer. 

“Who are you?” he growled and the leading woman shook her head in disappointment.

“Am I that forgettable? We met all those years ago on Naboo, my name is Utalli.”

The Church Elder from when he had escaped prison. 

The woman who had arranged Rey’s return to the Resistance. 

The woman who had essentially arranged much more between them.

Ben’s eyes grew large and the woman smiled once her presence had been remembered. 

“You… are aligned with the First Order?” Ben snapped. 

“No, but their resources are still plentiful.” She said, moving toward him again, gesturing to her guards to stand back.She was focused on discussion. “But you, you are a surprise, Ben Solo.”

His fist clenched around his saber but didn’t advance. 

“Years of following ancient rituals had always led us to believe that Kylo Ren lived, but it seems the Resistance was actually able to keep a secret for once.” 

“So, you came to finish the job?”

“You think we wish for your death, but in actuality, it’s quite the opposite.You need to live, Kylo Ren.”

The name.Every time he heard it his body burned. 

“You will not use me.”  
  
“Use you? You misunderstand.Someone like you will just be reborn if you perish.The cycle will begin again.It was your destiny to form the balance and find a way to maintain it.Your death would only result in chaos.”The woman paused and a quick smirk came across her face and she continued, “Ah, but you think the next generation has already been born.”

With the slight mention of his children, Ben ignited the furious Red Saber at his side with no hesitation.This may be his last battle, his last fight.Any conscious he had earned in the last decade would be forgotten as the blade sparked at his side. 

“The fate of my family is not for yours to decide.”  
  
“We agree, Ren.” She stepped forward and Ben moved the saber directly in front of him, “It is but the Forces will, as it was your destiny to fall, it will be your child's.The cycle must be kept in order to maintain peace!”

“You wish darkness upon my children?”  
  
“It is the cycle!” She barked, trying to get through to him.“But now we have the ability to control it.Watch it.Capture it.The Galaxy will never fall to darkness again as long as we can control the source.  There will always be Force users destined to fall, but we can them young, we can keep them controlled!”

“A prison.”

“Simply a way to manufacture the balance.To control where it is!” 

At that moment, Ben Solo decided he would live passed today.For there was a truth to the fact that the cycle would continue far after his time.But as long as he lived, he could take that burden of the balance.He would carry as much as he needed too to free his children of the pain he endured. He would live as long as it took for them to solve this impossible equation the Force presented.No one would be destined to fall in his place.With a deep breath and open eyes, the energy filled him, he prepped his blade for battle and just as Utali’s guard prepped their guns a whirl of battle filled in the air.

“You have slaughtered your own people for this cause? To force destiny? Are you insane?” Ben thought back to the Force villages left in flames all those years ago. 

“It was but a control group.Too many followers of the light will only result in that same destruction.”She paused, “If it encouraged the Jedi to come out of hiding as well, it only helped our cause.”

As if the taunt could be heard from the Heavens, blaster fire blared down and burned the ground below.The Falcon. 

Ben’s heart sunk and he quickly activated the Commlink on his wrist.“Panthiq! Dameron! Anyone who can hear me.Send any ship to the Millennium Falcon’s aid.Children on board.All pilots on that ship.”   
  
Blood pulsed in his ears, cannon fire from the Destroyer above rang out.  He cursed again but something within him was not surprised that his father's ship had returned.  

Ben lurched forward with his saber, defecting the blaster bolts with ease.He almost enjoyed that.Almost. 

The Destroyer released its ships as the Resistance fleet entered the atmosphere with enthusiasm.Poe being the first to swoop to the Falcon’s side, and Ben decided that perhaps one of these days he’ll thank Poe in earnest. 

 

 

** — **

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,”Leia said, pressing 13 different buttons on the Falcon’s control panel, only having a vague idea about what any of them do.  
  
“Load power to the thrusters, then prepare to cut it!” Rey echoed in her ear from the headset down in the gunner position.

“…What?!”  
  
“Like this Grandma!” Kira said hopping into the co-pilots seat, standing the reach the upper toggles. 

“Kira?” 

“Yes, mum?” 

“I’m going to need you to help Grandmother for a moment, even though she is going to protest.”

“Absolutely I will!” Leia snapped and Kira pushed around to the falcon’s joystick. 

“Kylin, come down to the gunner chamber!” Rey ordered and Kylin, from the Falcon’s backseat, wobbled to her feet and ran. 

“Rey, we’ve already caused a distraction, are you sure you know what you are doing?”  
  
“I’m sure that every piece of junk that the Empire designed has a fatal flaw, and I’ve dug around enough to these to know taking out its internal landing bay will take down the whole ship.It’s most viable stabilizers are there, right above the whole hanger!” Rey went quiet for a moment. “Worth around 20 portions each, if you were interested.”  
  
“Maybe later, Rey,” Leia said, trying to keep Kira from taking complete control of the Falcon.“But there is no way a ship of this size can go in and out of that destroyer unscathed.It’s a death wish.”

“Why do you think mom had you prep the thrusters?” Kira pulled the Falcons shift and the ship lurched violently to the side.Leia grabbed the wall for stabilization and Kira celebrated with a “Yahoo!” as the hurled towards the landing bay.  "It's a death drop!"

Down in the gunner position, Kylin crawled into the sphere and clung tightly to her mother's side.   
  
  “Kira, you know what to do? Cut the power with everything geared back halfway through the bay.”Rey instructed.  
  
“Piece of cake,” Kira replied, and Rey watched the bay approach.She reminded herself, if they all survived this, to order a new simulator for her daughter. 

“I love you, sweetheart.Feel it with everything you’ve got.”Rey turned towards Kylin who looked desperate for instruction.“My love, you need to stay calm.”

“I want to help!”  
  
Rey reached out her hand and weaved them in her daughters much smaller one.“You will. Close your eyes and breathe.”

The falcon entered the bay and was met with blaster fire in every direction.X-wings followed the Falcons suit and began blasting anything and everything they could.The falcon soared towards the back of the hanger, without wavering, and explosion upon explosion filled the air. 

“CUT IT,” Kylin shouted, feeling an urge in her veins she was only beginning to understand. 

The Falcon went quiet.With one hand on the blaster and the other around her daughter, Rey attempted to keep herself still during the freefall.The Falcon flipped and soon the generators reignited and Rey released one last round of blaster fire towards to top of the Hanger Bay, where the control station was before the Falcon’s thrusters shot them back out of where they came. 

** — **

The Star Destroyer ignited in flames.The Falcon soared from its innards unscathed.The heat nearly palpable on the ground below.They had done it.That one in a million shot that couldn’t be stopped. 

Ben stopped in his tracks, near inches from the leaders of this crusade.His heart pounding as he watched his family ship soar over the trees, three X-wings following. 

It was over.An energy so unfamiliar and yet familiar filled him and Ben raised his hand forward and focused it on the three martyrs before him.The Force was speaking to him, asking him to be the catalyst for its energy. One last time.As if this was a formal apology. 

“The choice is yours,” he growled, as the two men anticipated pressure against their throats but had felt nothing.Utalli held her ground, and at the very least Ben could respect that.“You have lost.”

“Perhaps,” she said, not sounding convinced, “but the seed is planted.You know what the truth is.The Force has betrayed you.And you betray its will with your selfishness.The Galaxy will fall again to darkness because you will not accept sacrifice!”

With that, Ben clenched his fist, and the Force channeled through him it’s will.For the energy and himself, while at odds, were still one and the same.Life Force from around him pulsed through his veins and burst through his extended arm as Utalli closed her eyes. 

“Join those who followed you, who you’ve slaughtered.Rejoin the Balance you so crave.” Ben said, as a final prayer for those who stood before him.It was not fear that crossed their faces, but a peace, as they faded before his eyes and Ben collapsed onto the ground.   
  
Peace. A second of it. But it was felt.  It was understood. 

“Ben!” Heaven itself shouted from the field beyond.The sound of running over tall grass quickly approached as he closed his eyes.He was drained.Soon, soft fingertips reached around the back of his head and lifted his neck ever so slightly. 

“You came back,” he whispered, knowing that touch from anywhere. 

“Ben, stay with me.” Rey pleaded, fearing the worst.“I’m here now, we’re all safe.it’s okay.Stay with me.” 

With that, Ben had the gall to laugh.It was short, but still, a laugh and Rey set his head back onto the grass.

“You monster! I was really worried!” Rey exclaimed.Ben opened his eyes slightly and looked up at the angel before him, whose eyes were red with tears.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Ben said, still smiling, unable to stop himself, “I actually can’t move, I just… I have a feeling I’m not going to die today.”

“Ben, what happened?”  
  
Ben just shook his head. His head still pounding, his spirit in a fog.

“...Was it our responsibility to rebuild the Jedi?” he asked after a second.   
  
Rey quieted. She cocked her head to the side but seemed to understand something.  
  
“Is it an institution you believe in?”  
  
Ben took a moment, and pondered his teachings, his teachers, and the codes, and shook his head. “No.”

“What do you believe in?”  
  
“You.” he sighed, falling back into the grass as if lounging rather than hurt.“I believe in you.”

“Meaning what?” Rey asked with a bemused brow. 

“That whatever choice we make in the future, you’ll be the one to make the correct one.”

Rey pressed her lips into a tight line, almost frowning at the statement. Which wasn’t a reaction Ben was expecting?She looked up at the sky, still littered with residue smoke, then back down at him. 

“I believe I deserve a break.”

Another patter of footsteps came from behind him. 

“Hi, dad.”The sweet echo of his daughters chimed in.  
  
“Summer camp paid off,” he said, closing his eyes once more. "Thank you."

 

** — **

“Mum, can we come too?” Kira whined as Rey placed a few more essential items in her bag. 

“Soon, we’re going to fix up the house first, and then we will be right back to come to get you!” she comforted and the girls groaned in displeasure. 

“When will you be back?”Kylin added. 

“Two weeks, at the very most.”

“What are we going to do for _two weeks_?”

“I’m sure your Grandmother will have a lot planned.”

“Rey, sweetheart, are you almost ready?” Ben said, peeking his head around the corner of their bedroom. 

“Yes! This is the last bag!”

“This is the third one! You’ve changed,” he laughed. 

“You have five, I haven’t changed that much. Plus this is just all the stuff from the Palace that we won’t have access too have once your resignation is complete.”

“So… stealing?”

“I’m being resourceful. Keepsakes” 

“I want to go to Naboo too!” Kira tried swaying her father one more time, “I flew all the Naboo courses on Coruscant, I know it like the back of my hand!”

“Good thing too, when we come back to get you, you can show us all the good racing courses.”

** “** We will be back for you soon, I promise.”

“Are we going to stay on Naboo?” Kira added eagerly.  
  
Rey and Ben exchanged glances, “If you like it there, we can stay as long as you want.”

“I want to meet a Gungan.”

“No, you do not,”Ben added from experience.

“Come on girls, come say goodbye to us by the ship,” Rey said.

It has been three weeks since the Crusade on Birren, as the community began calling it.The day the sun went dark, or the day of two nights as other’s had labeled it.It had been two weeks since Ben announced his resignation from the throne.Leia agreed to serve as the reigning monarch until another fitting line would accept, but she assured they would vet any candidate in line for the monarchy. 

The grasslands of Birren had burned down to the dirt, but thankfully the attack had stayed away from the civilian ground.While the citizens of the planet had been shaken by such unprecedented violence to their home, the casualties had stayed small.The fallen given a ceremony to honor their bravery the day before Ben Solo announced he would be departing. 

He too, like his wife, wanted a break.A true state of rest where no lingering worries or whispers kept them from fullest sleep.And, for perhaps the first time, he truly felt that was possible.There were no more whispers. 

Rey and he had decided to once again, begin again.For the final time.Without debate, they immediately knew where they wanted to return, and that was to their first home together on Naboo. 

Leia and the girls followed them out to the landing bay where the service droids were rolling up the Falcon’s loading docks.

“When will you be back again?” the twins exclaimed in unison.A habit beginning to happen more and more. 

“Two weeks. Not a day l ater.” Rey assured, yet again. 

“And then we are all going to Naboo?” Kylin looked up at Leia who just looked at Ben expectantly.

“Your Grandmother is welcome to come as soon as she is finished with everything on Birren,” Ben sighed. 

“I may retire fully, stay full time at Varykino.” Leia said and Ben frowned slightly, but she winked and continued, “I think you and I both know I’ll never fully retire.I’ve tried.It’s not for me.”

“Well, the house is plenty big, there is plenty of room,” Rey said to Leia before turning back to her daughters, “Uncle Finn and Aunt Rose are thinking about coming to stay with us when Uncle Finn’s rehabilitation program stops at Naboo.Sam would be able to stay with us too.”  
  
Kira lit up with a huge grin that parodied her father’s preemptive exhausted expression.Rey snickered to herself as she gazed between the two of them.

They exchanged one final wave of hugs and kisses before walking up the loading ramp and the door hissing closed behind them.It was a strange sort of quiet as Ben took Rey’s hand and they walked towards the cockpit. 

The ship roared to life in a parade of lights as Rey took her spot in the pilot's seat, a decision Ben decided he didn’t need to argue.She began flipping switches to prepare for takeoff when Ben pointed out one yellow light on the dashboard.

“Why is that on?”

“I don’t know, it’s been on for years.” Rey shrugged as she did her final preparations. 

“It’s an electrical filter,” Ben sighed.Though relatively unimportant and it wouldn’t cause them an immediate issue, it was still something that should be cleaned every couple years or so.“I’ll go look at it.”

He left the cockpit as Rey settled in her seat.She typed in the coordinates for the Naboo system and grinned stupidly to herself at the numbers. 

“Rey?” Ben’s voice echoed a few minutes later down the walls of the ship and Rey turned towards the call. He was covered in dust from the filter system and Rey chuckled as his askew hair. 

“What is it?” she asked walking towards him, finishing the final check on the Falcon before they took off. 

He held a stuffed animal, covered in muck, out before him.“Why on earth is there a plush loth-cat shoved into an electrical filter on our ship?” 

Rey burst into laughter as she grabbed the pathetic creature from her husband's hands.She wiped the plastic eyes of their grime and held the creature close to her even though it dirtied her clothes.“I can’t believe you found it.” her voice hitched suddenly and her eyes began to well. 

“You’re welco—?” 

Rey jumped into his arms, hooking her feet behind his back, trying to keep hold of the plush, and he sauntered back with a cough struggling to hold her.

“Okay, I admit it, I’m old!” he said as he tried to regain his balance, “I’m going to drop you!”

She dipped her feet back onto the floor but kept her arms wrapped around his neck, the loth-cat in hand.He sighed as the threat of her falling from his grasp had been relieved and she pressed a soft kiss to the tip of his nose, which was still marked slightly from oil.He brought his thumb to her lips and brushed it off before kissing her fully and she smiled. 

And something within her flourished.Something small but so bright that her body thrived.

Something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.   
> I'm sorry it took so long, something about starting a fic because you came up with a pun of a movie AU makes the climax extremely difficult. But I wanted to finish this fic before the end of the year, so I forced myself to do so even though, well, it was rather lackluster. But hey, I really just wanted this story to be a cute family story, and needed a semi-realistic reason why Rey would be willing to leave one of her daughters for so long, realizing that meant needing a resolution when I just wanted to write fluff hah! 
> 
> But at least it's finished. While I could have spent more time padding it out, I just needed to finish this. It's been a goal of mine to write one novel-length based thing, and I did it. 
> 
> But basically, in case anything was unclear, there will always been a dark presence in the Force. The Church thinks it can be controlled or manufactured. If it's manufactured, evil can no longer hide in the shadows. By encouraging destruction they figured they could do that. 
> 
> BUT HEY EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND LIVES ON NABOO NOW. THAT'S ALL WE WANT.


End file.
